Category Archives: Uncategorized

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Poopie the Snowman

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I was never really a snowman kinda kid.  I was more of a snow fort and snowball fight kinda guy.  But the snowman is a right of passage, its a staple in the northeast, its what sets apart the men from the boys.  Jax has been out in the snow before, but he hasn’t had the honor of meeting one of the famous snowmen made by dad… and none of that Olaf crap… I’m talking the real snow man that uses sticks for arms and a carrot for a nose and poop for eyes…

…wait… what?  

Yup.  My kid’s first snowman and I used dog poo for the snowman’s eyes.

I feel awful but, I am sure he won’t remember.  There is a time for keeping things simple and this was that time.  I wasn’t about to go find some coal.  Who even has coal around these days?  I mean I guess if you had a steam train running through your backyard… then maybe you might have some coal laying around… but not us.  This family is all about using what is available to you… and there is an abundance of poo in the front yard these days.

I think Jax liked his snowman friend.

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Week Long Recap

I basically lived at work this week. The time I wasn’t at work, I was working from home. I’m not exactly sure what happened in the last week but this kid is like a grown up now.

Ohh you’re done crawling? You’re just going to couch surf? Kid is mobile and on a mission.IMG_2535

Monday’s visit with Uncle Adam and Grandpa Pete.
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Friends don’t let friends drink and drive. IMG_2570

Baby fall down! IMG_2579

Someone needs to get propane delivered so we can light a fire… It’s so cold he stole my hat.
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He now feeds the dogs from his high chair!

Kid finally realized that when his toys roll away they don’t dissapear.  “Holy Crap! I think its under this table!”

I believe this is his first fort.  Chasing the ball around under his bouncer!

Finally, celebrating mommy’s birthday at music class in my new Sperrys!

 

 

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A Ten Month Old’s Response to ARod’s Apology

Alex’s letter to fans:

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Alex Rodriguez apologize to Yankee fans yesterday.  Being a huge Yankee fan, I decided to read the letter to my son.  Below is the letter he wrote in response to ARod:

Dear Mr. Arod,

Hello, I am just a little kid, but I wanted to tell you that I read your letter.  Well, actually just to be honest, because lying is wrong (hahaha) I didn’t read it, my dad read it to me.  I think you were trying to say sorry about doing bad things.  It is really good to say you’re sorry when you do bad things.  Sorry is what my dad says to my mom all the time when he says dumb things.

I don’t really know what a steroid is.  But my dad says you have to use a needle and I.DO.NOT.LIKE.NEEDLES!  One time at the doctor’s office I had to get this stupid shot so I wouldn’t get something called measles, rumps and mubellas and I hated it.  I cried and cried and even kicked the doctor when I saw the needle.  So, I’m not sure why people would say you took a shot yourself. I hope you didn’t cry, well actually if you cried that might be a good thing.  Mom and dad call that a natural consequence.    

I want to ask you a question though. In your letter you say sorry.  I learned that saying sorry means you made a mistake and won’t do it again, or again, or again.  I hope that your sorry means that you are going to just play baseball and hit a lot of homeruns.

I love the Yankees because… because… well, I’m only ten months old, I don’t even know any other teams.  I want the Yankees to win a lot of games and win the World Series so that my dad is happy and buys me a lot of cool Yankees onesies and stuff.  If you can help them win then I know my family is happy to have you back on the team. 

Good luck this year.

Remember no needles and no strikes outs!

From,

Jackson

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Things You Never Thought You’d Say or Hear

-The doctor said it was allergies and prescribed me meds for it… But then said not to take it bc I’m still nursing.

-Maybe I got poop on my hand and didn’t notice it and then touched my skin?

-Was that you farting or did Jax diarrhea?

-Just put the other half of that turkey burger and some soup in the blender for Jax for lunch.

-Ohh crap he’s up… Nope forget it… He just face planted back down!

-He has holes in his damn socks! Clearly he’s your son!

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Dear Mom: Happy Valentine’s Day

Dear Mom,

I wanted to write you a letter today, not just because its Valentine’s Day, but also because sometimes I’m so busy pooping, crying and eating that I don’t get to tell you how much I love you.  I’m not sure if you remember, but a long, long time ago I lived in your belly (PS: I’d advise against eating Taco Bell with the next baby!)  I liked it in there, but I really like it out here too.

Sometimes I feel bad because you work so hard and then have to come home and feed me and get me all ready for bed and you don’t even get to change, or shower, or eat dinner until 9:00.  I wanted to say thank you for that.  You always put yourself second when it comes to me.  You take care of me before you even think of taking care of yourself.  I am learning that it is important to consider other people’s feelings and put others first before yourself.

Being a mom must be really tiring.  Sometimes when I am laying in my crib I miss you so much that I try to get your attention by yelling and crying (I learned that from dad).  Even when you are tired, or sick you come and scoop me up and hug me and kiss me.  I love when you do that, because you give the best kisses and hugs.  When you do that I don’t know if you can hear what I’m trying to say to you… but I want to tell you I love you.  I wish you knew how much my heart swells up inside when I see you. I remember one time I was scared at night and you came in and just rubbed my back.  I felt safe and I never wanted you to leave.

I love when you help me crawl and teach me to walk.  I love when you help me eat and when you play with me.  I love when you make me laugh too; you’re really good at that!  But most of all I love that you are my mommy.  You take care of me and help me grow.  I wouldn’t any other person in the world to be my mom, because you are the perfect one for me!

I love you mommy.

Happy Valentine’s Day,

❤️ Jackson

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Jax’ First Valentine

Jax opening his Valentine from Emma. I think he was excited because he kissed the card. The night ended with Jax Face timing Emma to tell her he would be her Valentine. 

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I have a feeling these two are going to cause a lot of trouble together... You know Jax probably just told her something hilarious!

I have a feeling these two are going to cause a lot of trouble together.

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50 Things Every Man Should Know

I’ve seen this on a few website recently.  I thought I would take a look through and see if there was anything in here that applies to everyday life.  (And by see if it applies to everyday life I mean:  am I a real man and can I do these things so that I can pass them on to my son)…

1. His wedding anniversary date

Absolutely, How can I forget?  I start getting emails about where Steph set up her gift registry at around mid-July.

2. Basic DIY

You know that old saying: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it?”  Yea… well… my take on that is… if it’s, don’t fix it.

3. How to change a light bulb

Easy to do… but I usually just wait for my mother in law to buy the right bulb and replace it for me.

4. How to tie up a tie

Easy… been a fashion icon for years!

5. How to read a map

I can read my GPS.

6. His partner’s favorite drink

Wine… is there a need to know a specific kind? Red or white is the extent of my wine knowledge.

7. How to iron a shirt

Button the shirt… and only iron the front on the steam setting, or wear a sweater over said wrinkled shirt.

8. How to change a tire

I’ll drive to town fair tire on my rims before I change a flat.

9. How to wet shave correctly

Stubble is the way to go.  (PS: What the hell is a wet shave?  Like in the shower?  Is that possible?)

10. The right amount of aftershave to use

Don’t shave… don’t need after shave.

11. How to change a fuse

This I know how to do.  It is the extent of my electrical knowledge.  It also gives me the right to tell people, “yeah, I’ve done electrical work before.”

12. When a woman says ‘I’m fine’ she is not fine

She isn’t?!

13. How to put up a shelf

Why would I ever need to put up a shelf?

14. How to polish his shoes

Life Hack: use Vaseline… cheaper and does the same job as the expensive stuff with out the mess.

15. How to give a confident handshake

Depends… do we shake, high five, give dap?  So embarrassing I usually just leave my hands in my pockets!

16. How many inches are in a foot

I taught first grade.  I know this one.

17. When to accept defeat and apologize

What am I the general of the British Army during the Revolutionary War?

18. Know the offside rule

Football yes… hockey I’m not so sure.

19. The year England won the World Cup

I’d just use a phone a friend.  Speed Dial #5 Adam

20. How to do his own laundry

There’s only two things I hate more than doing laundry: Raking leaves and Painting.  If I could I’d leave everything in the dryer and just wear it out of there.

21. How to fix a bike puncture

Buy a new tire.

22. How to jump start a car

Red to Positive and Black to Negative or Black to Positive and Red to Negative.  50/50 shot each time.

23. How to parallel park

Drove in NY enough to be able to do it.  However, it usually results in a scratched up passenger side rim.

24. The difference between ale and lager

Def. got this one.

25. The best way to carve meat

Cut against the grain… more tender meat less stringy and tough.

26. His own height

6′ on the dot

27. How to drive in snow

Yea… pray the other people don’t crash in to me because they are driving like idiots.

28. What wires represent earth, live and neutral

See question #11.

29. How to introduce himself

My legend proceeds me.

30. His parents’ address

Yes.  Love the gimmies.

31. What the football scores were at the weekend

Packers are on… that’s what I am watching… any other scores are secondary.

32. How to light a BBQ

Propane tank, turn the knob, hit the switch

33. When a woman says ‘Do what you want’ do not do what you want

This one I know… this one I’ve lived… this one I’ve screwed up numerous times.

34. How to change oil

I went to college so I don’t have to change my own oil.  Jax will too.

35. What the biggest recent football trades are

NFL and Fantasy related.

36. How to build a fire

Love fire.  Call Jay.

37. Which way is north

Never – Eat- Soggy- Waffles.

38. How to use the contents of the toolbox

As long as they don’t run off power than I can use them

39. How to tune in a telly

Switch to Direct TV, no issues.

40. How many miles are left after the gas light appears

Some of the most stressful driving miles ever!

41. How to fix a toilet

Plunger fixes everything toilet related right?

42. How to put someone in a recovery position

This sounds dirty.  I’m not teaching Jax anything about this!

43. His personal alcohol limits

Jax don’t drink until you are 30

44. Change a battery on a car

Free battery service at Auto Zone.

45. How to get a car unstuck

AAA

46. The words to the national anthem

Yes, and the Pledge of Allegiance and America the Beautiful too.

47. How to change a diaper

Pro… its like I’m in the pits.  Can change a diaper before the checkered flag is out.

48. How to perform CPR

Yes.

49. How to put up a tent

Not a chance.  I’ve left a campsite and gone to a hotel because I couldn’t get help to put up the tent.

50. Who are favorites to win the Super Bowl

YES. Packers 10/1 as of 2.13.15
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Stages of a Snow Day for a New Parent

Stage 1: Denial

If you are a teacher, principal or anything relating to school, when you hear the forecast predict snow you immediately turn in to an eight year old!  Cautious pessimism exudes from your body!  You’re eyes are literally pasted to the TV… you flip from channel  61 to 3 to 4 to see if all the meteorologists are saying the same thing!  However, you know that there’s no way you’ll have off… maybe a delay you try to convince yourself… if you’re lucky.  You begin your snow dance superstition routine.  I have teacher friends who flush ice cubes down the toilet, put a white crayon in the freezer and wear their PJs inside out and backwards.  But in the back of your head, you know you’ll be up early writing lesson plans.

Stage 2: Excitement

Snow cancelations begin to show up on the news.  The first few flakes start to fall… It’s going to happen.  The first few moments are amazing; your mind is going 1000 miles per hour as you begin to think about all the great things you can get done around the house and how amazing it will be to spend the whole day with your nine month old son!  Wife and husband are high fiving each other with excitement for the great day ahead!

Stage 3: The Calm Before the Storm (no pun intended)

The baby is quietly entertaining himself on his play mat with a few of his favorite QUIET toys.  The dogs are sitting nicely at his side keeping an eye on things.  Husband and wife are sitting next to each other drinking a cup of coffee and enjoying each other’s company. You’ve now watched seven episodes of Peppa Pig.  There is not a chance you are going to be able to get to everything you wanted to today because the little one is crazy fussy this AM, but that is OK… because you have the day off.  Take it slow today you tell yourself… you’ll still get a lot done.

Stage 4: Stress

Things are getting a bit hairy.  Mom and dad walk by each other and shoot dirty looks back and forth, baby is screaming and the dogs have pooped in the house numerous times because they refuse to go outside in the storm.  You are now inventing chores to do around the house and handing the baby off like a QB to a running back in half hour shifts.  There has to be some more toys that haven’t been opened and played with yet from Christmas.

Stage 5: Anger

Baby is teething… the crying, runny nose, rosy cheeks and constant sneezing are causing both parents to lose their mind!  Mom is sitting on the rocking chair rocking herself back and forth with her eye mask over her bloodshot eyes.  Dad is outside snow blowing the neighbors driveways in order to stay out of the house for a few minutes more.  The dogs are lost in the snow track that dad cleared in the front yard and there’s a chance they would rather build and live in an igloo out there than go back into the house of horrors!

Stage 6:  Acceptance

You’ve come to the realization that even though you love your family more than your life itself, that it is OK to take a break from them every once and a while.  The small things become big things when you are trapped in the house like in “The Day After Tomorrow.”  You are comfortable knowing that it’s been a long two weeks with multiple snow days.  Everyone takes a deep breath and begins to reassemble in the family room.

Stage 7: Relief

Everyone is back to normal… its bedtime.  Baby is feeling a bit better after his bath and mom and dad are no longer attempting to trip each other in the hallway.  The icicles have melted from the dogs beards and everyone is sitting down in the nursery listening to a story.  Hugs and kisses all around… that is until you hear it’s going to snow again on Thursday!

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