Five Things my Son Calls “Dah”

 
You imagine all these amazing milestones when you first learn you’re going to have a baby. First steps, food, words… Funny thing is it never winds up the way you thought.  His first steps are a few unstable stumbles and his first real food is some nasty combination of peas, zucchini and apples… But the first words… That’s what really throws you off.

1. Dah (Traslation: Dad)

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The original “Dah.” This one was easy; there’s not to much to figure out here.  “Dada” was his first word, so it’s not hard to figure out why “Dah” means dad.  I’m the first and I’m the best.

2. Dah (Translation: Dog or Buster or Max) 

Jax loves his brothers… I mean his “Dahs!” So much so he gets up to almost full speed and swan dives on top of them when he gets home everyday.  Coincidentally, “Dah” is also the same sound Busyer makes when Jax lands on top of him.

3. Dah (Translation: Toy) 

Doesn’t matter what toy… the singing donkey with two chewed off ears, the snail that gets body slammed daily, or the boxes he like to stack and then karate chop over… all referred to as “Dah”… Except for the creepy ass ride-on dog that asks “will you be my friend?”  That is not “Dah” that just makes the poor kid cry.

4. Dah (Translation: Book)  

I remember when he first laid eyes on a book… It was love at first sight… (If eating the pages and trying to rip the pages out equals love).  It took a lot of reading every night before bed… but now there is not a chance he goes to sleep with out us reading him a “Dah.”  As a teacher its pretty cool to see your son run to the book shelf and find his favorite book, take it out, hand it to you and yell “Dah”… now that I think about it… I wonder if “Dah” also means, “Please read me Chika Chika Boom Boom for the seven-thousandth time!!”

5. Dah (Translation: Yes)
So here’s the thing… Maybe he’s Rusian? maybe all the other words above are just his approval of the thing itself?  Maybe he’s just saying yes to everything… Is your dad the coolest dad in the world? “Dah!”  Do you want to swan dive off the couch onto your brothers?  “Dah!”  

On a side note every time I hear him say “Dah” I feel like it’s matter of moments before he turns into a Russian Bond Villian or I find out he was one of the extras in Rocky IV who were sent to keep an eye on Rocky while he trained.  

   
 

Jimmy Freaking Fallon

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“Hey dada look, I found Jimmy Fallon’s book… where is your book?”

Jimmy F-ing Fallon.  Everything about Jimmy FREAKING Fallon is starting to tweek my last nerve… not terrible nerve pain… but more of a dull throb of my last nerve.  I can’t stand it, I can’t stand the jealousy coursing through my veins right now.  It is a maddening feeling. Everything about this SOB is perfect… his hair, his job, his jokes, his “superstar” status… he totally stole it from me.  The guy is like the perfect version of me… (minus the fact that I am not famous, can’t rap, don’t chill with Justin Timberlake and closest I’ve ever been to the Tonight Show was a pre-printed autograph photo of Jay Leno that I once got in the mail).  I mean think back a few years, he was the character on SNL who couldn’t get through thirty seconds of a sketch without laughing (see: Debbie Downer w. Lindsey Lohan)… and now he is basically King Midas.  Everything this guy touches turns to gold.

I’m sitting here mashing the keyboard on my “Dad Blog” stoked to recieve 17 views a day, and passing my “Dad Book” out to publishers like its a free condom at senior prom… and this dude writes seven words max and is a New York Times Best Selling Author?!!! WTF Jimmy… save some for the rest of us.

Here is the thing though, I love the guy, like I literally would dump all my childhood friends to chill with him.  He seems so much cooler than the guys I grew up with (they are so overrated; I can say those things about my friends because I know there is no way in hell they are reading this).  I love the fact that he just seems like an average guy, just wants to hang out and laugh at immature crap and drink beer.

In an interview Fallon told MPR News, “I just want the baby’s first word to be ‘dada.’ I don’t care if she’s smart. I have one agenda.”  Totally my views on parenting.  Steal the show, steal the fame and live to tell another day. That quote brings us to the main point of today’s blog, Jimmy’s book,  Your Baby’s First Word Will Be Dada.  What a parenting power move.  I sat here for days on end basically saying “Dada” until the word iteself sounded weird.  I caught so much heat for it.  Parents, in-laws and the wife gave me grief for not being equal in the first word teaching techniques and then you have Fallon… he just does the same thing and can call it research for his new book.

So unfair.  So Jimmy.  Guy can’t do anything wrong. I would be surprised if Jackson’s first word wasn’t Jimmy.  Damn you Fallon!

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PS: Fallon was right…