Has it Been Two Weeks Yet?

We’re on day two of the coronavirus pandemic which has canceled much of society. Schools are closed, libraries are empty… and most businesses are so full of panicky people you’re better off staying home.

That causes quite the quandary when you have two small children who have the attention span of a fly. The number of activities they can breeze through in even a small amount of time is incredible. We’ve read, we’ve drawn pictures, we watched a movie. We’ve taken the dogs for a walk and we rode our bikes. That’s it. We’re done!

That is until the oldest of my brood had the idea to write happy messages to the neighbors in chalk on their driveways. While some of the messages are less inspiring then others, it’s the thought that counts.

So friends and neighbors check your driveways for something special courtesy of Jax and Ollie.

Dinosaurs Eat Vegetables

To quote a beautiful women (my wife)… “Hell hath frozen over!”

On the menu for dinner on a regular night for Oliver…

1. Chicken Nuggets (he’ll eat two)

2. Mac and Cheese (he’ll have three spoonfuls and feed the rest to Max)

3. Spaghetti with Cheeseballs (he’ll lick the parmigiana off the pasta and give the rest to Buster).

That was until this:

Yup… he’ll has frozen over… and this dinosaur is all about his vegetable medley!

Interview with a Five a Year Old

Found this “challenge” online. Ask you child these questions and document exactly what they say. So here’s my interview with Jackson (age 5.9).

Kindergarten 19-20 school year

1. What is something daddy always says to you? Be nice and kind and a good listener

2. What makes you happy? All the love you give me

3. What makes you sad? When someone isn’t nice to me.

4. What makes you laugh? When someone, like, walks across the road and they’re was a big bouncy house next to him and he used his jets to fly him into the bouncy house.

5. How old are you? Five but I’m going to be six on April 27.

6. How old is Mommy? 22, ummm. 37. She’s an old lady… I don’t know.

7. How old is Daddy? 40

8. What is your favorite thing to do? Go inside our pool, I like to go underwater.

9. Who is your best friend? You and mommy. And my brother. His name is Oliver. But not one of my classmates named _____. Because he farts all the time.

10. What do you want to be when you grow up? Policeman

11. What are you really good at? Playing baseball, throwing and catching the ball.

12. What are you not very good at? I’m not good at going to bed.

13. What did you do today? I went to school. (What did you do at school?). Uhhhhh I don’t want to talk about it!!!

14. What is your favorite food? Bananas, apples, strawberries and blueberries… (when’s the last time you ate any of those?) I think Monday (NOPE)

15. What is your favorite song? It’s Raining Tacos

16. What do you want for your birthday this year? I want to get lots of presents.

17. What is your favorite animal? A giraffe. I love snuggling my giraffe

18. What is love? Hmmm…I don’t know. Hugs?

20. Where do you live? I live in a house, geez you know that.

19. What does daddy and mommy do for work? Dad is a principal, and mom goes to work and works with her office people.

Happy Third Birthday Oliver

Dear Oliver,

I am not sure if you are turning three or twenty three today. It seems as if you have grown so much in the last year. You have so much energy and are full of life. You laugh loudly, hug tightly and fall hard! You are an amazing son, a loving little brother and an all around happy little boy.

In the past year you have learned to ride your big boy bike, you started peeing on the potty (and on the floor and on the walls and in the front yard… ohh and in the pool), you don’t sleep in a crib anymore and you learned how to thoroughly annoy Jackson. You love building and knocking down block towers and playing with trains. I also see a pretty strong right arm developing as you throw a baseball (amd other objects all over the house).

I am proud of the things you have accomplished. I am proud of how you overcome obstacles and most importantly I am proud of how you have become your own little person. Being the second child has to be hard. I wouldn’t know, because like Jax I’m the oldest, but you continue to forge your own path.

That’s all I can ask you to do. Be kind, be helpful be respectful and be you (that and don’t poop on the floor at school anymore). Do those things and you will continue to be

January 31, 2017
January 31, 2018
January 31, 2019
January 31, 2020

“It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be.” -Albus Dumbledore

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PS… I don’t know what’s more congratulatory worthy… Oliver turning three years old, or Steph and I actually surviving three years with two kids.

Teamwork

“Alone, we can do so little; together we can do so much.” — Helen Keller

Watching these two work together to get through the obstacle course and down the zip line (especially with the leadership employed by Jackson) was an amazing experience for me today.

These two are going to continue to make a great team as they grow.

“Teamwork makes the dream work!”

Dobby is a Free Elf

Every year Steph and I look forward to the thoughtful DIY Christmas gifts we get from the boys. From ornaments, to picture frames to cookie dough mix they are all (as Martha Stewart would say) so lovely.

This year we unwrapped what was likely the most odd gift we’ve ever gotten. Yes, a picture frame is not that crazy of a gift, as a matter of fact we’ve gotten a few homemade picture frames over the years. We still proudly display them around the house. Yet, nothing we’ve ever opened would ever prepare us for the amazing gift that was made for us in Jackson’s kindergarten class this year.

Was this Harry Potter character look alike purposely displayed in the beautifully handcrafted frame? Or is this all just a coincidence?!???

You say Frosty the Snowman Costume… I say Dobby, the Free Elf.

Christmas Ninja Stars

We do this family Christmas photo event every year and every year it’s a debacle. I just don’t understand why we continue to put ourselves through it. More so, I don’t know why Staci keeps letting us back. Although, this year she smartened up and made us take photos deep in the forest where no one could hear the screams.

The best way to describe the process is to break it down into chunks. Each section brings its own problems and creates its own issues. All atr equally chaotic and none are mutually exclusive… they occur naturally and each that proceeds the next creates and increases the chaos.

The Pre Photo Phase:

The whole morning routine is thrown to shit. Everyone is up at the same time, which means my morning coffee is sucked down while trying to wrangle two cranky toddlers who want nothing more than some apple juice and a few episodes of Blaze and the MonsterMachines. Instead I’m squeezing their heads through matching button down flannels and cardigans. The screams can be heard from neighborhoods afar. Feeding them goldfish for each article of clothing they successfully put on is all I can do to stop child protective services from showing up at my front door.

Once everyone is layered up with enough fleece and corduroy to protect from even the deepest freeze of Mount Everest, we all realize that mom hasn’t even started to get changed. Her 12 outfits still lay neatly on the bed each screaming to be lucky enough to be chosen as this years Christmas’ photo regalia.

As the tiny humans begin to unravel downstairs they wait for their fashionista of a mother to emerge from behind the velvet curtains and through the fog machine to cheers and excitement like a Victoria Secret Model on some primetime fashion show.

The Travel Phase:

Each of the past five years has ended in some sort of travel mishap, or disaster. The cars aren’t the same, but the results always are. Somehow, someway the travel phase always results in violation points on someone’s license and children so tightly squeezed into their booster seats that their eyes are likely to pop out.

Each round trip to and from family photos has produced some pretty significant accidents and lofty fines. Two accidents (one involving the photographer herself), a half injured turkey, and a speeding ticket (or two). We’ve been lost so many time we now know the backroads of New England better than Cookie Monster on Waze.

Let’s get this show on the road

The Photo Phase:

Cue the most amazing photographer who’s ever walked the Earth. “AUUUUNNNNNTTTTIEEEEE STAAAAAAACCCCIIIIIIIIIII!!!!”

You can heat them from across the Christmas tree farm. You can see her turn slowly, like it’s a horror movie. Her hair flips slowly as her wide smile turns into a grin that is half happy to see you… maybe it’s more half paranoid about what’s about to happen.

She smartens up each time she meets us, this time she has set up stations. That’s the trick with toddlers. Keep them on the move, keep them guessing and don’t let them catch their breath. It’s almost like running the hurry up offense. Keep the clock moving and keep the entire defense on the field. Eventually they’ll tire out.

The look that says evil is coming

Props are just par for the course when taking Christmas photos. They can provide the perfect backdrop for two brothers. The trick is getting that photo snapped before the props become weapons. The beautifully painted wooden “Let it Snow” sign that bear the calligraphy of a professional become shields for chocolate-chip cookie ninja stars.

And the tricycle that was perfectly set up in between two symmetrical Douglas firs quickly becomes a get away vehicle.

Faster than a speeding bullet and fueled by 12 large cookies

The Post Photo Phase:

Pictures happen quickly. There are lots of moving parts, lots of bribery and lots of tears. It takes the patience of a saint. Staci, Saint Staci that is, has it. She perpetuates sainthood. She’s good, she’s really good.

The photo session comes to end with as much anticipation as the end of a root canal. With puddles of tears, new clothes stained and tattered, the cries slowly quieted (and that was just from mom and dad). The kids on the other hand were hyped from the 15 Candid Cookie Eating takes, but I digress.

After herding these animals back towards the parking it was finally time to breathe a sigh of relief. Kids are tired. Parents are tired. Hell, the photographer is tired. It’s time to hitch a ride out of there.

Things are never easy and we always say we’ll never go through it again. That is… until we see the magic that Staci, Jax and Oliver have created. They are magicians and the photographs will forever be magic.