Let me set the stage for the weekend:
Ten adults… Eight children… Three days.
The odds were stacked against us from the beginning. We were the underdogs… the Rocky Balboa, The 1980 USA Olympic Hockey Team. We were not in charge, we were not even allowed to participate indecision making… but in the end… the dads won this weekend (just don’t tell any of the wives I said that!).
Weekends were made for this. The reason someone invented airplanes was for exactly this reason. For mamas to reunite… for best friends to reminisce and laugh and cry… for guys to get an hour or two to golf…but most importantly for us dads to prove to the wives that these dads are top notch parents.
That’s how we went into this battle. Two sets of parents vying for parenting supremacy. Two sets of friends… Two sets of souls mates vying for validation… Validation that their way of doing things is just as good or better then the others’. Competition brings out the best in everyone…and sometimes the worst. But it was this competition that would bring two sets of friends… parents… Together as one.
It all started with a golf game. A golf game that would include a peace of mind, a quiet solitude from baby food, diapers and wives. A golf game that would include amazing shots, miracle putts and poison ivy… Friendship, comradery and just the simply pleasures that a freshly cut fairway can afford three fathers.
It ended with a trip to some girly place where mamas can go and chat about US magazine stories, the Kardashians and their idiot husbands. A place where wives go to get away from the everyday hectic household nonsense.
In between that battle of the sexes consisted of some interesting events. Some favored the mommas some favorited the dads.
One of the worst photos failures since the inception of the camera.
Children taking over the house, the Oasis, the pool and the kitchen.
There was that incredible day… that dad day that will forever live in the history books. The day where two dads accomplished things that any parent, including any of our Four Fathers (Danny Tanner, Carl Winslow, Tim Taylor and Philip Banks) would be impressed with.
The trip to the park which included a pretty heated argument with Big Pun and a splash pad was a hit!
There was the daring attempt at something no one has ever tried before… They said it couldn’t be done… The #TripleNap, the worlds most daring parenting move. Well guess what… Done. Beers were opened, mock drafts were drafted.
Yet, that is where our story of competitive parents attempting to outdo each other… For a new obstacle appeared in the horizon… an enemy so evil, so vicious that it would take he power of eight grown men and women to not only fend it off, but to defeat it and come out alive… Mystic Seaport and Aquarium.
Eight adults… Seven children… One small space and 100° of sweltering heat. We fought off all comers, anyone in our way was toast… Children running amuck through the rooms, stampeding their way from fresh water turtles to jellyfish. I was expecting to see one of our little ones turn up inside one of the tanks with the sharks (100% would have been Cameron and he definitely would have punched it in the face).
Things quickly got hairy kids and tantrums ensued. Screams and stares filled the aquarium. I dont know how this works yet because Jax isn’t at the stage yet where everything ends in fit . I’m sure when this begins I’ll want to just grab him and run him the hell outta the place. Be polite and respectful to the other people in the situation. That’s what we did. We gathered up our young-ins and made a mad dash for the cars.
On the ride home though I got to wondering about the procedures parents need to follow when their kid’s are throwing a fit. I’d like to think I would handle the situation as perfectly as Trevor Washington did (calmly walking out). But at what point do you just give up thinking about everyone else and say “Screw this, If I’m going to be miserable so is everyone else,” and just ignore the screams and stares and go on enjoying your day? You can’t fight the inevitable, right? As a wise man once said “Trying to keep a child contained is like trying to hold liquid jello in your hands. It’s impossible.” I mean in reality when will I ever see any of these people again. If their ears start bleeding too bad… Shouldn’t have come to a place that is frequented by parents and children. Who knows… But I’m sure we’ll find out soon.
I’m left with those thoughts as well as the memories of an exhausting, but well worth it weekend. Seeing Jax enjoy the company of other children, especially those of such close friends and family is a joy in itself.
Until next time,
The Principal and The Fireman
PS: the dads tossed a shut out. We complete won this competition. We dadded the crap outta those kids!