Pizza Rat is an internet sensation based of of the most famous NYC rat since splinter taught those crazy turtles karate. The thing is… how can this brown rat carrying a slice of pizza down the steps of a New York City Subway station in Manhattan be any cuter than our very own (above) pizza rat?!????
Continuing with tradition (for the eighth year in a row) I tweeted at JK Rowling for advice in dropping the boys off at Platform 9 3/4.
I’m sure by now you know that September 1st is a sacred day for witches and wizards everywhere! Back to Hogwarts Day is when the Wizarding World boards the Hogwarts Express from King’s Cross Station heading to Hogwarts.
The hope being JK herself will acknowledge my tweet and show some love to two little wizards who have the unfortunate luck of being born to the biggest Harry Potter fan this side of Privet Drive.
Thanks to the writers over at #MenWhoBlog for naming us a a TOP DAD BLOG for 2022!!!
Dear Jackson,
Eight going on EIGHTEEN! Seriously, when I woke up this morning I feel like you had a full beard and were reading the Wall Street Journal. It’s insane to me how much you have grown. You are such an exceptionally hard worker, a fierce, fierce friend and most importantly a loving big brother.
Eight years after you were born and we (mom and I) are still amazed by you every single day. Yes, you drive us crazy, there is a lot more talking back and many, many more “No’s” than all those years ago, but we wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Covid has put a damper on so much of your childhood, but you continue to persist. Masks, virtual learning, vaccinations and social distancing are as much part of your birthday as cake and balloons. Yet, here you are… eight years old and still making the best of everything.
I’ve watched you pick up your brother when he falls, then push him back down five minutes later, then pick him back up again! I’ve watched Oliver have a meltdown and you try to calm him, then laugh. (Always with him, never at him… just like a big brother should do and I would know!)
You have become such a leader in your school and among your friends. You know right from wrong and always make sure to advocate for anyone that needs help.
Mom and I want nothing more than you to be happy, healthy and grow into a caring, kind and respectful young man… and if the past eight years are any indication… then you’re already there!
Happy Birthday, Jackson. We all love you very much!
Love Always,
Dad
“It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be.” -Albus Dumbledore
This past weekend the boys and I set out on an adventure… I’d like to tell you a bit about this adventure. However, be aware, this tale is not for the faint of heart.
It started out as any sunny and mild Sunday. A walk in the woods, a dad and his sons. No map, no backpack for of supplies, no survival kit. Just three dudes and the sun to help us navigate. (PS I don’t know how to use the sun to navigate. I can barely use the navigation system in my car to navigate).
However, it didn’t take long for things to go awry in the (labeled and trail-blazed) back woods of our town’s land trust –- known for both rock slides, quick sand, extreme temperatures and (multiple clear paths out to a main road).
With limited food and water, and no safety or camera crew, Les Stroud style (Survivorman: the single greatest show in the history of TV) we wondered down the slick, wet mountainside (more slight hills than mountainsides) in hopes of finding not only a way out, but someone who could lead us to the way out. The thing is, even with the proper gear, food and water… survival in the these uninhabited and rarely traveled (mapped out, totally accessible and used by hundreds of people a day) is nearly impossible.
Just like Survivorman, after nearly an hour of traveling with out the essentials… Nintendo Switch, an iPad, an iPad charger, pudding snack packs, Ellio’s Pizza or a microwave to heat said pizza in, we were left scavenging what he we could from the barren landscape.
We were lost… even though I denied that to the multiple people we ran into, even when both boys begged them to help us get out. We were exhausted and I was trying to draw on my years of survival experience (years of watching Survivorman reruns) and we kept moving forward to try survive and endure being lost 1/2 mile from our house.
Like Stroud, who’s survival show, easily the best Survival show ever, we needed to keep our wits about us and use what the land provided. In Survivorman, it wasn’t just crazy cliff jumps and bear attacks, he’ll often show the mistakes he made… such as lighting his shelter on fire or cutting himself after getting careless from mental fatigue. He never downplayed the mental aspect and how getting stressed or anxious in a situation like this could be fatal.
I won’t lie, we were in a life-or-death situation. The kids were freaking out and in dire need of an episode or two of Paw Patrol. With only my wits… one glove, two winter hats and a few random M&Ms found in Oliver’s sneakers to keep us alive, I drove us forward. I would not let the sound of cars on the adjacent road or the lady walking ahead of us with her dog keep us from getting home to a couple of cold ones (juice boxes).
Eventually, we realized we had walked in a large circle and my lack of navigation skills had led us back to where we began almost three hours earlier. We were finally safe, almost home and close to a warm meal, a cold drink and Netflix.
Along the way we faced challenges that would break most people, but not us. Not this dad and his sons and definitely not with this Survivor(dad) leading the way.
Listen here readers (and by readers I mean the mother of my two children). Let me be VERY clear we… are not starting a half birthday tradition. We already have mom’s birthday weekend which has suspiciously transponder into a birthday month. I can’t deal with now having to remember half birthdays and anniversaries and other dates that are all jumbled up into forty something years of celebrating other people’s days.
When your birthday is in January and it’s covid …you get a 1/2 birthday party. He said it was the best birthday ever , spent with his preschool buddies. Today, this amazing, chaotic, handsome, weird, hilarious little guy celebrated 4 1/2! With that being said (and knowing that I’m not in charge around here) Happy Half Birthday to Oliver!!!
Half birthday or no birthday, I watched my little guy play with his friends, they played soccer and basketball. They swam, they played tag and ate cake. He didn’t ask mom or dad to play or push him on the swings… he just played. He laughed and gave hugs to his two amazing teachers who showed up to see their students (which is probably why mom and dad were put on the back burner). I get it, when you’re in pre-school and your teacher shows up to your birthday party you’ve pretty much solidified yourself as the coolest kid in the school!
I’m sure the day will come when his electric smile and HUGE brown eyes won’t want mim and dad to lay with him at night, or read him a bedtime story. I know there will come a time when I won’t be able to lay awake holding him close after he sneaks into our bed (thinking he did it slyly and no one noticed). He’s growing up so fast. Four, four and a half, or five years old… it doesn’t matter… Oliver is growing up way too fast.
There’s nothing in the world as a parent that’s worse than waking up in the morning to a list of things that need to happen… Four-year-old’s birthday party… play date at the playground on the other side of town… Or meeting some new people from your child’s class.
Don’t get me wrong, there isn’t a parent we’ve met that I haven’t enjoyed hanging out with. We’ve met some of our best friends through the boys, but at what point do parents of young kids get a break. It never ends. Baseball, soccer, swim lessons… play dates…
As an aside… WTF is a play date? Merriam-Webster defines “playdate” as “a play session for small children as arranged by their parents.
First, of all any attempt to label the word play as “session” annoys me. Why is everything timed now a days… “hey boys, your play will commence now. You will have fun for the one hour that has been allotted for this activity.” Why do we need to formalize the word play? A session should be used for scheduled visits with your personal trainer or therapist (although I’m not sure which one I need more after this pandemic shutdown!)
But, I digress… I woke up this morning to this email. (It was the greatest email of my life):
I needed a day of this. Both parents needed a day like this. We just need to normalize not having anything to do.
_________________________
PS: We I wound up inviting multiple people over to swim in the pool this morning… so much for relaxing!
Day 136: August 1
Today marked the end of Stephanie and Jax being in charge of our friends pool and cat while they were away. I’m happy to say (to the dismay of Mr. Dave) that the cat and pool survived during this time.
We love these friends, but every time Steph comes home from their house she wants something new. A few months ago it was a boat… then it was a deeper pool… not she’s asking for a cat. A cat??? With two kids and two dogs!!???? That’s friends disownment territory right there.
Day 137: August 2
The world is ending. The Tropical Storm that just hit us was extremely intense. We’ve lost power and the heat and humidity is threatening to take over… it’s going to be a long few days.
Day 138: August 3
Eversource still has not even sent people out to “assess the damage”
Day 139: August 4
…AND I QUOTE: “it will take days to recover power!”
All I knows not enough baby powder in the world for how hot and humid my house is right now
Day 140: August 5
Happy anniversary to a mom and wife who has successfully navigated work, marriage, parenting, and even more difficult… the apocalypse that has been 2020! We may be celebrating in the dark today, but they say candlelight is romantic, amirite? ❤️❤️❤️
Day 141: August 6
Phone and website= down
Outage map= “experiencing issues”
No text responses
Last tweet at 4pm= we’re assessing damages
No power for 12 hours…
“we’re here when you need us” slogan=
NOT A SUPER GOOD LOOK
Day 142: August 7
Spent half the year in quarantine and now we have no power for who knows how long and have to drive to a main road in town to call find out when we might have power back. At least we have each other:
Day 143: August 8
Hour 75 with no power and there is still no end in sight. The pool is turning green and is now half empty because we’ve had to use that water to flush the toilets . I know things could be worse, but 2020 just give us a break !
Day 144: August 9
We are now leaving on approximately hour 99 with no power we made pizza on the grill and ate outside on a relatively nice night.
That was until a tree came down across the street taking out two poles and is now laying across the whole road. Fire trucks and police car sirens are blaring and chainsaws are roaring. So much for sleeping tonight.
Day 143: August 10
Eversource to the rescue (sarcastic voice). We are now on hour 122 and we finally have a crew out here to “assess the situation!” Fingers crossed for some positive news.
Day 144: August 11
“BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL…”
Day 145: August 12
Mother Nature is now F-ING with us. We had power for almost a day and then all of a sudden, the power is gone again. It was only out for five minutes or so, but my PTSD kicked in and everyone in the house almost fainted.
That’s being said we made it though the (almost) second power outage and are now on our way to cranking the AC to North Pole come and leaving every electronic device on in the house.
Day 146: August 13
Today was a horrible, horrible day. Buster had a seizure and we had to rush him to the vet, but this time he is having long term effects. They think it may be neurological but we have to monitor him for the next 72 hours. (UPDATE: After a very visit and days of monitoring hes back to his normal self. Just a little slower. Jax has been so good to buster and is helping him around the house. Oliver even offered to take him around in his little wagon! #BrotherlyLove
Day 147: August 14
It’s been a long summer of reminders. I’m done:
Day 148: August 15
Six year old: “Dad, I want some alone time but my brother won’t leave me alone.”
Me: “Dude, same.”
Day 149: August 16
Cousin hang out day. The four boys got to hang out today.
Day 150: August 17
We’ve been cooped up together for far too long. Apparently, there’s now a cover charge to enter the house. Jax has set up shop in the mudroom with a cash register looking like a bouncer.
Day 151: August 18
Steph told the kids to be good and not fight for 20 minutes so she could take a shower in peace, and then we all laughed and laughed.
Day 152: August 19
This quarantine nonsense has (occasionally) allowed for some quiet time to spend as a family doing things that during a busy summer we would never have the time to do. In those quiet times I always find peace in my life.
The world is upside down, backwards and who knows what right now, but taking time to put away electronics and look through our baseball cards provided us boys one of those quieting moments.
Day 153: August 20
One good thing about quarantine is we’re obviously home a lot more than ever before. So Jax has had time for weekly piano lessons and to practice. He’s beginning to enjoy it and has learned to play a few songs (of course one of those songs happens to be Baby Shark, because why not.
Day 154: August 21
It’s been what feel like 500 years, but tonight we actually got to go out without being parents. A date of sort we both made it through appetizers before we took a nap!
Day 155: August 22
Swimming is a kid favorite activity, picking up after the multiple changes of clothes is not a favorite parent activity.
Day 156: August 23
[8 AM]
Wife [walking into living room]: “What time did you get up?”
Me: “5AM.”
Wife: “But it’s the weekend! WHY SO EARLY?!”
Me [sipping coffee]: “I’ve had 3 kid-free hours of silence.”
Wife: …..
Me: …. [smiling]
Wife: “Why didn’t you wake me?”
Day 157: August 24
We’ve done a lot of family time and some (attempting for) alone time during this pandemic. With these two little monsters calm time is not usually and option. Today was what Steve Irwin might categorize as some “beautiful creatures in their natural habitat.”
Day 158: August 25
Raise your hand if you’ve felt personally victimized by a toddler today…
Day 159: August 26;
Who had “unsurvivable” and “catastrophic” hurricane on their 2020 BINGO card. I hope everyone has evacuated and is safe down there! (PLEASE TAKE YOUR PETS WITH YOU!!!) Ts and Ps 🙏🏼
Day 160: August 27
The planning of the reopening of schools has been a very detailed and interesting experience. we’ve been in “quarantine” for five-plus months and it’s crazy to think that in a couple of weeks we’ll have our students back walking the hallways again. It’s even crazy to think that teachers in our town are prepping to have Jax back in his own school. Educators are the real heroes.
Day 161: August 28
The last Friday before my school is officially back full time. We’ve been trying to prep Jax for going back to school too. We’re all going to sleep a little earlier. (Which just means more time of the boys complaining about having to go bed before actually falling asleep at the same time they always fall asleep no matter what time we put them to bed).
Day 162: August 29
Day 163: August 30
When you and your BFFs are ready to get things started. TMNT Arcade Style!!! This game has been quite the babysitter tonight so moms and dads could sit by the pool and relax a bit.
Day 164: August 31
Today is officially the last day before teachers come back to school in my school district and students then are back a week later. I began this DAY BY DAY QUARANTINE CHRONICLING the day my school district (and most school districts went out). So unless there is some crazy development, this will be the last day by day monthly update of the #CoronaQuarantine.
There were smiles and tears. There were screams and cries. There was anger and there was love. These last 164 days have challenged this mom and dad more than anything in the past. We learned so much about ourselves as people and as parents and I know our boys are ready to back to school (albeit HYBRID).
Day 106: July 1:
Virtual learning hasn’t stopped an amazing teacher from making sure her students are OK in person, even after the school year is done. Teachers are the hardest working and most underappreciated people in the world! (I won’t reveal who this teacher is)… but know that I would want my sons in her class every year!
Day 107: July 2:
My favorite part of summer is when my kids ask for the sprinkler and then I turn on the sprinkler and then they cry hysterically if they get wet from the sprinkler and then they yell at me to turn the sprinkler back on after I turn it off.
Day 108: July 3:
It may just last the night, or maybe only an hour, but for now brothers are best friends and they’re both so excited for a slumber party!
Day 109: July 4:
We spent the Fourth super low-key and it was perfect! We are so lucky to have amazing neighbors! Best part is they actually put up with us and even better, their kids like our kids
Day 110: July 5:
What do you do after spending an entire day with your neighbors? You wake up and spend the entire next day with them on their water slide! My kids would choose this water slide over anything!
Day 111: July 6:
Last night I tucked my Oliver in, kissed him goodnight and he hugged me and said “goodbye daddy.” So, I guess I won’t be sleeping until he moves out.
Day 112: July 7:
Things I have tried during Covid Quarantine to ensure better sleep:
-bribery
–begging
–negotiating
–rewards
–dark curtains
–threats to call Santa
–earlier bed time
–later bed time
–fewer snacks
–more snacks
–threats of violence against stuffed animals
Times either of my children have slept through the night as a result:
[ZERO]
Day 113: July 8:
He thought I wouldn’t dunk on him… let alone actually dunk HIM!
Day 114: July 9:
We made it to Cape Cod. I have not taken a REAL vacation in years. This was the first time I actually tried to shut down from work in ages (granted I didn’t do so well considering I conducted virtual teacher interviews from the beach and also called hundreds of families about our distance learning survey), but that’s me… I love what I do… and I don’t ever take a break from it!
Day 115: July 10:
This is what family vacation is all about. Forget Corona, forget quarantine and hand sanitizer. Family vacations are all about getting a KING SIZE BED for mom and dad and having the kids sleep in it. Relinquishing an amazingly comfortable mattress and 1000 count Egyptian cotton sheets for a pull out sofa bed is parenting at its finest!
Day 116: July 11
The family… sans masks… sans tears… just happy to be out of the GD house!
Day 117: July 12:
Screw you CORONA! We still livin’ our best life!
Puffy said it best:
“Don’t push us, cause we’re close to the, edge
We’re tryin’, not to lose our heads, a-hah hah hah hah…
get the feeling sometime, that make me wonder
Why you wanna take us under
Why you wanna take us under
I get the feeling sometime, that make me wonder
Why you wanna take us under
Why you wanna take us under
Can’t nobody take my pride
Uh-uh, uh-uh
Can’t nobody hold me down, ohh no
I got to keep on movin’…”
Day 118: July 13:
If there is a picture that represents our lives in 2020 this is it! All dressed up for a family photo with designer masks! #CapeCodCorona2020
Day 119: July 14:
We are home from the Cape and we spent some time just relaxing today. This quarantine thing has been stressful, scary, unpredictable, calm, insane, all of the above… but most of all, it has been a time to just reconnect with each other. Today we did just that. The boys and I took Buster and Max for a walk. No electronics, no phones, just us. It was as close to perfect as you can get… we were just missing mom.
Day 120: July 15:
Parenting books never prepared me for how much time I’d spend arguing for my kids to get into and then out of the bathtub.
Day 121: July 16:
15 years ago she (Stephanie) said “Yes.” Then we quickly got in line on the Wildwood boardwalk for the Half Blood Prince midnight book release. I read the book all night in the hotel lobby and finished it in the morning on the beach! Such a memorable day… and still… After All This Time, I’m Sirius-ly happy to still be Making Magic with you Stephanie, You’re a Keeper and there is no one else in the world I’d rather be quarantined with than you!
Day 121: July 17:
We’ve been in quarantine for 121 days and my six year old has been talking nonstop for 150 of them!
Day 122: July 18
We’ve tried everything as parents to keep our boys engaged in educational activities, but it’s mid July now… we put together a schedule for the boys to give them some structure during the summer quarantine and I think other parents might find it helpful:
7am-7pm: Unsupervised screentime, with periodic snack time.
Day 123: July 19:
Don’t underestimate a child’s ability to grasp what’s happening right now. I’ve discussed the pandemic and social distancing with both boys. I figured Jax would get it and for the most part he does, but I was surprised how informed Oliver was. He really gets it. He’s now decided to speak 3 inches from my face instead of the normal 1 inch.
Day 124: July 20:
Today while we were out practicing some mask wearing to build up tolerance for Oliver a women with no mask on her or her children screamed at us to take off our masks because were falling for the “hoax.” I won’t put my response here in writing… but WTF?!???
I just don’t get it. The people who refuse to wear a mask they’re almost like those last couple of leaves on the tree right before winter hits. They are so proud of themselves. They must be so excited sitting on the tree thinking we’re definitely gonna make it, we’re gonna make it. That is until all your friends are gone and you’re the last one hanging on for dear life.
Day 125: July 21:
Today while listening to our secretary of education speak about re-opening schools full-time in person, I realized that she has a bookshelf with no books on it. Listening to this woman speak about re-opening schools is like listening to my three-year-old try to explain how to play chess… in Latin. 🙄
Day 126: July 22:
You would think with two dogs and two toddlers one of them would be the first to ruin the new patio…
If you put your money on that you definitely lost. In the category of 2020 just keeps getting worse… I spilled an entire canister of melted citronella wax all over the patio today.
Day 127: July 23:
Today we, painted pictures, went in the pool, completed two puzzles, cooked dinner together and watched a movie. Or, as the boys described it to mommy when she got home from work:
“Buster and Max peed on the floor and dad yelled at us two times.”
Day 128: July 24
The boys are so used to staying in the house that they think pants are just optional at this point. God forbid I tell them we need to actually wear said pants when it’s time to go out…
Day 129: July 25:
Just heard from downstairs:
Jax: “Oliver USE YOUR FORCEFIELD…”
Oliver: “ OWWWWWWWWWWWW!” Followed by screaming…
Day 130: July 26:
Today, I decided to take the filter and pump apart to clean it, since the water was a bit cloudy the past week.
After dissembling the filter… I am pretty sure I discovered where Coronavirus started.
Day 131: July 27:
Today while playing with his stuffed animals Jax told me he wants to be a dad one day.
My response: “Have you seen the shit I put up with?!!??”
Day 132: July 28:
Jackson complained this morning because his breakfast was not ready fr him when he came downstairs. I told him to be sure to leave his negative review on Yelp! and also, I don’t care!
Day 133: July 29:
My legs are in the best shape since I was running track in college. I think I have an idea for an exercise video for parents where all the lunges are just going around the house picking up juice box straws and wrappers.
Day July 30:
Steph is at work and I had a two hour meeting this afternoon that was extremely important about reopening the schools. Jackson and Oliver had to fend for themselves the entire time and they didn’t fight once in the playroom.
I heard them talking and giggling I couldn’t figure out what they were doing. They didn’t pick up their iPads or put the TV on once. When I was done they told me to come out of my office bc they had a surprise for me.
And when your two kids ask you to sit for a tea part (with wine glasses for the adult) you sit together the tea party.
Day: July 31:
… the end of the fourth month brings us right back where we were four-plus months ago, the same place almost every parent is in… what do we do with our kids… our children… our babies…
Found this “challenge” online. Ask you child these questions and document exactly what they say. So here’s my interview with Oliver (age 3.5ish).
1. What is something daddy always says to you? “Poop”
2. What makes you happy? “My night lights”
3. What makes you sad? [When I am]… “mad”
4. What makes you laugh? “When Busty and Max poop and pee.”
5. How old are you? “Four”
6. How old is Mommy? “Two”
7. How old is Daddy? “Ummm, five”
8. What is your favorite thing to do? “Watch Paw Patrol”
9. Who is your best friend? “Miss Missa”
10. What do you want to be when you grow up? “Free”
11. What are you really good at? “Pooping, bc I get peanut M&Ms”
12. What are you not very good at? “Going in the pool”
13. What did you do today? “Ride our tractors and mow the lawn.”
14. What is your favorite food? “Peanut butter sandwich and Mac and cheese.”
15. What is your favorite song? “BABY SHARK!!!”
16. What do you want for your birthday this year? “Another pink watch bc the pink jewel in my pink watch fell off and I need another one.”
17. What is your favorite animal? “Bubble Guppies”
18. What is love? “Going to bed.”
20. Where do you live? “My new bed”
19. What does daddy and mommy do for work? “Mommy’s job is making race car tracks with me and daddy’s job is fixing the stairs.”
Sorry Son: Chronicles of a New Dad 