Father’s Day Perspective from a Father

I don’t praise myself too often, I am a relatively humble guy, but there are three things I’ve done right in my life and I’ll brag about them whenever I can.

  1. Marrying Stephanie (easy one… I lucked out here. Talk about marrying up!!!)
  2. Being Jackson’s dad (again, easy one. First born son and he’s as close to perfect as any child could ever be)
  3. Being Oliver’s dad (they say the second child is the hardest, but in this case I’d argue that the second child just as near perfect as the first).

There is not a day that goes by that I am not blessed to have these three in my life. Things are not always easy and don’t always go as planned. Work is stressful and there are always bills to pay. But there is one constant guiding light that can brighten any day… being a dad.

I work with children everyday of my life and it’s not easy, but it’s so rewarding to know that you have helped a child succeed. I am lucky because I get to do for a living. I enjoy knowing that others can count on me to support their children just like I would my own children. I consider it honor that parents would trust me with their most prized “possession” (not a great word choice, but the best I could do to convey the importance of one’s child). However much I love being an elementary school educator, I can honestly say there is NO BETTER job in life than being a father to these two little dudes.

Jackson and Oliver, thanks for making me a dad… I love you both very much!

Happy Valentine’s Day

In what seems like 100 years ago I met a young lady with the whole world in front of her. She asked for some help carrying things up to her dorm room and of course the gentleman that I was… Could not leave a damsel in distress. In all reality I volunteered to carry some water bottles up to her room… but so started what would become two children, two dogs, a house, some laughs, some tears and a whole lot of love.

There’s been work. There’s been more work. There’s been interviews that have led to more work. Work that’s lead to more work. And then after that there’s been work because the work we do needed more work to be done. And all that work sometimes leads to frustration, short tempers, and the need for a quiet peaceful night. And then you get home to these two amazing, loving, kind, beautiful children and everything is right in the world again.

There are times that are tougher than others, there are times where you can imagine where the last 18 years have gone. I remember continually limping into the orthopedic on crutches and depressed that my track and field career could be over… I remember her accompanying me time after time comforting me helping me through one of the worst times of my life at that point. I knew then she was the one… She was less confident for a while as she wouldn’t agree to be “my girlfriend.” That was until the cast came off and I thought things couldn’t get any better.

I remember sitting on the rooftop of the hotel in Wildwood. I remember being on the phone with my buddies, I remember the butterflies I remember the nerves I remember walking downstairs and being told by Jay and Brea that I better shave and put on something nice I remember sitting on the rooftop of the hotel in Wildwood. I remember being on the phone with my buddies, I remember the butterflies, I remember the nerves, I remember walking downstairs and being told by Jay and Brea that I better shave and put on something nice.

I shaved, I put on a purple Abercrombie polo, and I wore sandals. I was such a dork. I walked on stage, got up in front of thousands of people and asked the most amazing woman I’ve ever met to marry me. I’m still not sure if she actually said yes… but all these years later we’ve made it through a whole lot of stuff… good and bad… a couple of houses, multiple roommates, doggie hospitals, knocked out teeth, multiple wetlands violations, wiggle ball tournaments that led to broken vertebrae, parties that led to getting “iced,” winter power outages that led to sleeping like revolutionary war soldiers in front of a fire, baseball games, Football games, Backstreet Boys’ concerts (not my idea), glasses, contacts, Lasic surgery, great friends, great neighbors, great family members, a marriage that is stronger than ever… and most importantly… two of the most amazing children any parents could ask for.

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” -Ferris Bueller

I’m glad we’ve taken the time to stop and look around a bit. You’re a better mother than I ever thought possible, you deal with my annoying personality daily and you’re not so bad to look at.

I love you more now than the day we met. Thanks for letting me carry your water bottles up to your room.

Love Always,

Me

…and Jackson

……and Oliver

………and Buster

…………and Max

Please Send Help

Please someone help. Send help. Send reinforcements. Send in the National Guard. I’m so unbelievably tired. At this point my body just doesn’t even know the difference between day and night. I can’t remember what the inside of my eyelids look like anymore.

For some reason everyone thinks it’s just new parents who don’t get any sleep. It’s just understood that a newborn causes exhaustion and endless nights. Of course having a newborn involves screaming, midnight feedings, and every-two-minute baby breathing checks. It’s not that bad though. Honestly. It’s par for the course. So, know you’re not going to get a ton of sleep, people around you know you aren’t going to get a ton of sleep and everyone lends a hand and pitches in. People bring you food and drinks. They offer to hold the baby so you can nap or shower, or nap in the shower.

Then years go bye and a second kid comes along. No one cares. No one even bats an eye about your lack of sleep anymore. No one brings you a lasagna, or asks you if you want to go rest for an hour or seven.

At first, people understand that bringing new life also brings exhaustion. It happens, we’ve all felt it. Even Jackson as a baby, who slept extremely well, at least would be up only a few times to eat. The thing is, everyone thinks it gets better… it doesn’t. It doesn’t at all. It gets worse.

I’m positive I’ve read somewhere that it’s a scientific fact that parents never feel like fully-functional human beings ever again. Either that, or the meaning of what a “fully-functional” person actual means just slowly morphs as the years go bye, because I CAN NOT remember what it feels like to NOT be tired. My eyes have finally adjusted to their new norm. You know the one that “feels like you’re driving late at night and you convince yourself that you can just close them for just a second,” just to rest them, and then when you reopen them, you’re seven miles down the road with no recollection of how you got there.

Babys, toddlers… it doesn’t matter. They never sleep through the night. At first you just hope they lay down without screaming like a banshee for hours… then it moves to worrying if they are breathing (OMG he hasn’t moved in 13 seconds. Is he still alive?!?? I better get up and check). Later… no more crib… you hope that little bowling ball doesn’t roll out of bed even with that gigantic wrought-iron fence you’ve strapped to their mattress… you’re still convinced it won’t hold them securely. The worries never end.

The best sleep she’s ever had (hanging over the crib, passed out)

Even as they grow… sleep doesn’t just appear… it’s more of a vision of a watering hole in a dry dessert… a mirage. Toddlers want 18 sips of milk, 12 books, 7 kisses, and a few hours of snuggling before they’ll even consider closing their eyes. The appearance of sleep is there. It’s always there. Not because you are well rested, but because you’ve learned to function on an hour or two of sleep at a time. Even as I write this, I’m amazed at how much I can accomplish with the sleep habits of an insomniac. All parents, in one way or another, just grow and adapt. We’re ready for what our day has in store for us. No matter how heavy those bags under our eyes seem.

It’s more than sleep deprivation though. You know relaxing time you enjoy to do things like pee or shower? Yea… peace out to those days too. The other day I tried to put Christmas decorations away… actually not even away… just take them down put them aside, so I didn’t have to listen to the animatronic Santa sing one more damn carol. I got about three decorations down before I gave up because… “Dad what are you doing?” “Dad can I have a snack?” “Dad Oliver is flushing the trains down the toilet…” “Dad Oliver is trying to ride the dog again!” Dad can I have a snack…” Dad can Oliver have a snack?” …and that was all in one breath.

I always have a tiny human being hanging off me. Hanging on my arms, attached to my leg, under my feet, climbing the wall… they are always somewhere they shouldn’t be. There is NO downtime. NO quiet time. No time to just do mindless things you used to do to relax. The army should just start using toddlers for training their recruits. The level of functioning parents operate on with constant demands, screaming, toys wizzing through the air, and the high pitched screams that come from a toddler who can’t find their red crayon is magical.

Steph nor I have gone to the bathroom solo in four years. Somehow my oldest son has learned to pick locks. This little Ocean’s Eleven wannabe has figured out how to interrupt the one private time us parents used to have. You’d think you could have a few moments to scroll through your twitter feed, or check a few emails whist in the bathroom. That is, until the door slowly, quietly slides open and your child sticks their little head through like the “Here’s Johnny” scene from Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining.

Have I mentioned how tired I am? The most rest I get during the day is my hour and a half at the gym lifting weights and running a few miles. Yes, that’s rest now. Don’t get me wrong… parents aren’t sleepwalking through their day. We just learn, we grow and we adapt. We got this. But with the lack of sleep I’m functioning on… if I hear the Bubble Guppies theme song one more time, I might just snap.

……

………

…………. please… just five more minutes!

Chronicles of a New Dad and Baby Jack and Company: A Magical Pairing

 

Almost 4 years ago to the day I started this blog as a fun way to keep track of my son as he grows. A couple of years later we had another son which created more memories and more shenanigans which generated more writing. The writing about my boys is what I love. Being able to tell stories about how amazing they are and how normal it is to screw things up as a parent is what I enjoy most.

The more writing I did, the more people noticed. The more people noticed the more I was asked to write for other people, which turned into more traffic and eventually a boom. (Pick up your copy of Letters From Dad: Thoughts on Fatherhood, Family and Life on amazon today). Then one day I designed a Harry Potter- Cupboard Under the Stairs themed reading room and things took off… interviews with Parents Magazine, interviews with NBC, as well as coverage from Mugglenet and newspapers from the UK, Central America and of course all across the US. Cumulating in almost a million hits, views, likes and shares.

Then my phone rang and on the other end Mikey Mouse offered me the chance to work with him and the Disney crew on an amazing project (well more Disney and less Mickey Mouse). The more I thought about it the more I realized it just wasn’t what I wanted my blog to lead too. It wasn’t the right fit. Yes I know what I’m saying… getting a chance to work with Disney is a great opportunity… but, honestly it just wasn’t the right fit.

I was very content where I was… clearly my first job of being a parent is the most important part of my life, but being a school principal is not far behind. If I was going to branch out it would need to be something perfect… but who knew that something perfect was sitting in my Cupboard Under the Stairs the whole time.

When I got the call from Kelley, owner of Baby Jack and Company I was sure I was getting “catfished”. There was no way this amazing company that focuses on the thing that my son loves the most… his taggie/lovey and that they also create educational toys, and have their own Wizard line… and now they want me? Like she actually wants me to join her team? And I’ll have an official title… Creative Director? This is too good to be true!

And the whole time one of her “Loveys” sat quietly in the Cupboard Under the Stairs… a gift from an amazing friend. I guess it was fate. They say everything happens for a reason… this isn’t Disney… but to me, it’s so much more. A company that focuses on what is most important to me, parenting, family, education and of course Harry Potter.

Hopefully with a little magic this company will take off even more that it has already and I hope that I can positively contribute to already phenomenally successful business.

Please check us out at https://babyjackandcompany.com/pages/babyjackstore

Check out our blog as well… especially since the picture they used of me came out pretty good! https://babyjackandcompany.com/blogs/the-magic-of-the-lovey/we-found-him-hiding-in-a-cupboard-under-the-stairs

Never Lose Your Dinosaur

Me: Listen to me. Jax, look, when I was a kid…when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur. I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short and I roamed the backyard…and I chased the neighborhood cats, and I growled and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And then one day, my dad said, “Peter, you’re 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside.” And I said, “Okay, dad.” But he didn’t really say that, he said, “Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job.” But, you know, I thought to myself, “I’ll go to elementary education school…l’ll teach for a little while, and then I’ll come back to it.

Jax: How is that a skill?

Me: But I forgot how to do it.

Jax: You’re human. You could never be a dinosaur.

Jax:- Dad, what’s the point?

Me: The point is… don’t lose your dinosaur.

Quality vs Quantity

“What we need,” said Dumbledore slowly, “is more time.”

I used to think playing a sport at the Collegiate  Division 1 level was one of the most time- consuming things in my life. Then I got a job as an elementary school teacher and and realized balancing my career with every day life was just as hard… And then I had a child; while I was an administrator in an elementary school and realized I had it all wrong, because this was one of the toughest things I’ve ever done…

…Fast forward four years, I now take on the role as a principal and added an extra 35 minutes to my drive, talk about time-consuming. After reflecting on my first few weeks… I’ve come to realize every new role you take on in life always becomes the next toughest thing you face. (Honestly though when I say toughest thing to face, I’m not talking about being able to handle the workload, or stress level, or anything of the sort. Those type of things come naturally to me and never have been much of an issue). Honestly, I don’t feel stress and pressure is not something that phases me. 

I will however, admit it’s tough spending time away from my little guy. My new role as a school principal takes up the majority of my day. When I’m awake… I’m think about being a principal, when I’m about to fall asleep… I’m thinking about being a principal, when I do fall asleep… I wake up and write down things that I thought about in terms of being a principal that I dreamt of while I was sleeping.  That has nothing to do with being stressed, or overworked, or anything of the sort. That has to do with being me. I’m detail oriented, dedicated and committed to what I do. I love what I do.  

Yet, now as I get home some nights at 7 o’clock… a quick hug, a kiss and a bedtime book is about all I get with Jackson. I know I’ve written about this before. This is not something new to me, or to any 21st century parent. Time is something that we all want more of… yet we will never get. There is always the quality vs quantity debate. But to be honest I’m not sure what to make of that when it comes to spending time with my son. Is there anyway I can get quantity AND quality time… at the same time… all the time? 

For now I have to accept the fact that I am doing what I love during the times I am not with him, and know that he is spending time with the people that also love him as much as i do when I am at work. Whether it’s mom, or Grammy, Mima or Auntie… I’m happy knowing he’s happy. 

After working a long day… Coming home to that hug and kiss goodnight means just a little bit more these days.  Just don’t be surprised if I read an extra book or two with him before bedtime… I’ll take quantity AND quality tonight please.

https://newdadchronicles.wordpress.com/2014/11/19/lost-time-is-never-found-again-benjamin-franklin/

A Principal, a Fireman and the Parenting Competition

Let me set the stage for the weekend:

11873413_1463770193949230_8997507016139013145_nTen adults… Eight children… Three days.

 

The odds were stacked against us from the beginning. We were the underdogs… the Rocky Balboa, The 1980 USA Olympic Hockey Team.  We were not in charge, we were not even allowed to participate indecision making… but in the end… the dads won this weekend (just don’t tell any of the wives I said that!).

Weekends were made for this. The reason someone invented airplanes was for exactly this reason.  For mamas to reunite… for best friends to reminisce and laugh and cry… for guys to get an hour or two to golf…but most importantly for us dads to prove to the wives that these dads are top notch parents.

That’s how we went into this battle. Two sets of parents vying for parenting supremacy.  Two sets of friends… Two sets of souls mates vying for validation… Validation that their way of doing things is just as good or better then the others’.  Competition brings out the best in everyone…and sometimes the worst.  But it was this competition that would bring two sets of friends… parents… Together as one.

It all started with a golf game. A golf game that would include a peace of mind, a quiet solitude from baby food, diapers and wives.  A golf game that would include amazing shots, miracle putts and poison ivy… Friendship, comradery and just the simply pleasures that a freshly cut fairway can afford three fathers.

It ended with a trip to some girly place where mamas can go and chat about US magazine stories, the Kardashians and their idiot husbands.  A place where wives go to get away from the everyday hectic household nonsense.

In between that battle of the sexes consisted of some interesting events. Some favored the mommas some favorited the dads.

Highlights include:

One of the worst photos failures since the inception of the camera.

 Children taking over the house, the Oasis, the pool and the kitchen.

 
There was that incredible day… that dad day that will forever live in the history books.  The day where two dads accomplished things that any parent, including any of our Four Fathers (Danny Tanner, Carl Winslow, Tim Taylor and Philip Banks) would be impressed with.

The trip to the park which included a pretty heated argument with Big Pun and a splash pad was a hit!

There was the daring attempt at something no one has ever tried before… They said it couldn’t be done… The #TripleNap, the worlds most daring parenting move. Well guess what… Done. Beers were opened, mock drafts were drafted.

Yet, that is where our story of competitive parents attempting to outdo each other… For a new obstacle appeared in the horizon… an enemy so evil, so vicious that it would take he power of eight grown men and women to not only fend it off, but to defeat it and come out alive… Mystic Seaport and Aquarium.

Eight adults… Seven children… One small space and 100° of sweltering heat. We fought off all comers, anyone in our way was toast… Children running amuck through the rooms, stampeding their way from fresh water turtles to jellyfish. I was expecting to see one of our little ones turn up inside one of the tanks with the sharks (100% would have been Cameron and he definitely would have punched it in the face). 

 Things quickly got hairy kids and tantrums ensued. Screams and stares filled the aquarium. I dont know how this works yet because Jax isn’t at the stage yet where everything ends in fit . I’m sure when this begins I’ll want to just grab him and run him the hell outta the place. Be polite and respectful to the other people in the situation. That’s what we did. We gathered up our young-ins and made a mad dash for the cars.

On the ride home though I got to wondering about the procedures parents need to follow when their kid’s are throwing a fit. I’d like to think I would handle the situation as perfectly as Trevor Washington did (calmly walking out). But at what point do you just give up thinking about everyone else and say “Screw this, If I’m going to be miserable so is everyone else,” and just ignore the screams and stares and go on enjoying your day? You can’t fight the inevitable, right? As a wise man once said “Trying to keep a child contained is like trying to hold liquid jello in your hands. It’s impossible.” I mean in reality when will I ever see any of these people again. If their ears start bleeding too bad… Shouldn’t have come to a place that is frequented by parents and children. Who knows… But I’m sure we’ll find out soon. 

I’m left with those thoughts as well as the memories of an exhausting, but well worth it weekend. Seeing Jax enjoy the company of other children, especially those of such close friends and family is a joy in itself.

Until next time,

The Principal and The Fireman
PS: the dads tossed a shut out. We complete won this competition. We dadded the crap outta those kids!