Paw… Cookie… Yeah!!!

 

 

Over the course of almost three years Buster and Max have been on the short end of the stick for a lot of famous incidents. There’s the Meatball Massacre, the Christmas Catastrophe and the time Jax let Buster and Max outside in a driving snow storm without us knowing… poor dogs turned into real life Four legged Olafs.

But the thing is these guys were here long before Jackson… and honestly I’ve cleaned more Buster and Max pee and poop then I’ve cleaned up from Jackson. These guys are a huge part of Jackson’s life and from day one, they’ve been extremely protective of him.

Meanwhile, Jackson has tried to ride Buster like he was a camel and has attempted many WWF finishing moves on poor Max. Both dogs have nubby tails, yet Jackson is still able to yank on them and the fact that Buster’s ears are still attached to his head is a miracle.

The thing is though, Jackson has learned how to be patient, caring and at times remorseful through his relationship with his “brothers”. It’s been, at times stressful, but for the most part it’s been so very rewarding to watch my son and two dogs interact and enjoy each other’s company.

 

They say a dog is mans best friend… but I’d venture to say that once a child comes along… a dog is a boy’s best friend. (Especially this little boy and “Di-Di-Dah and Dah”).

 

The Trick or Treat Snowman

Another Halloween… and another day of shoving my poor son (who doesn’t even like wearing normal clothes) in a costume as soft as sandpaper. Why do parents do this to their children? The last thing Jax wants to do before getting dropped off at day care is to put a 14 pound puffy cotton ball on his head.

Getting this kid ready in the morning takes a particular set of skills. Skills needed to have been acquired over a very long career of parenting. Skills that I apparently don’t have which makes mornings a nightmare for people like me (Taken reference). Yet today we decided to add 37 more steps to our morning routine by sending him to school dressed up as Olaf. Poor, poor, poor kid. He took it like a champ though… after ripping the Velcro open a few time and throwing his Olaf head at Buster.

Our first Halloween night where jax was old enough to “get it” was fun. The neighborhood fell under Little Olaf’s spell as they literally dumped candy into his bucket. He said a lot of please and thank yous and even ran into a little Elsa on the side walk and stopped for a quick hug!

Jax then had to begin handing out candy to the older kids before we realized the dogs ate two of the three bags of candy we bought. The final four kids come to the door. Stef says sorry we only have three pieces left and Jax carefully watches his last three snickers bars fall into open pillow cases. The last kid drops his head and is sad. Mind you there was a GIANT SIZE candy bar left of the counter… Stef literally sent a child away because she didn’t want to give up her last KitKat!!!

The night ended when I let the dogs out the front door because a huge crowd rolled up in a trailer hitched to a pickup. No more candy, lights out yet they still kept coming… the dogs took care of that. The dogs literally scared the poop out of hose high schoolers as kids were tripping over each other to get away.

And… fin.

Trick or Treat!

Jurassic Park

That time my kid was sick and finally stopped screaming when he curled up on the dog bed and fell asleep:


“First you bring this smelly thing home. Then you give him all the attention and love. Now he gets my bed?? Screw this, I’m out!!!” -Max the Dog

Try putting a toddler down on a normal night, let alone on a day when he feels like crap.  It’s literally an impossible task.  I’d rather spend the two hours trying to herd valaceraptors than what I went through getting Jax to bed tonight.  

What i assume putting multiple children to bed would be like.

Five Things my Son Calls “Dah”

 
You imagine all these amazing milestones when you first learn you’re going to have a baby. First steps, food, words… Funny thing is it never winds up the way you thought.  His first steps are a few unstable stumbles and his first real food is some nasty combination of peas, zucchini and apples… But the first words… That’s what really throws you off.

1. Dah (Traslation: Dad)

IMG_5130
The original “Dah.” This one was easy; there’s not to much to figure out here.  “Dada” was his first word, so it’s not hard to figure out why “Dah” means dad.  I’m the first and I’m the best.

2. Dah (Translation: Dog or Buster or Max) 

Jax loves his brothers… I mean his “Dahs!” So much so he gets up to almost full speed and swan dives on top of them when he gets home everyday.  Coincidentally, “Dah” is also the same sound Busyer makes when Jax lands on top of him.

3. Dah (Translation: Toy) 

Doesn’t matter what toy… the singing donkey with two chewed off ears, the snail that gets body slammed daily, or the boxes he like to stack and then karate chop over… all referred to as “Dah”… Except for the creepy ass ride-on dog that asks “will you be my friend?”  That is not “Dah” that just makes the poor kid cry.

4. Dah (Translation: Book)  

I remember when he first laid eyes on a book… It was love at first sight… (If eating the pages and trying to rip the pages out equals love).  It took a lot of reading every night before bed… but now there is not a chance he goes to sleep with out us reading him a “Dah.”  As a teacher its pretty cool to see your son run to the book shelf and find his favorite book, take it out, hand it to you and yell “Dah”… now that I think about it… I wonder if “Dah” also means, “Please read me Chika Chika Boom Boom for the seven-thousandth time!!”

5. Dah (Translation: Yes)
So here’s the thing… Maybe he’s Rusian? maybe all the other words above are just his approval of the thing itself?  Maybe he’s just saying yes to everything… Is your dad the coolest dad in the world? “Dah!”  Do you want to swan dive off the couch onto your brothers?  “Dah!”  

On a side note every time I hear him say “Dah” I feel like it’s matter of moments before he turns into a Russian Bond Villian or I find out he was one of the extras in Rocky IV who were sent to keep an eye on Rocky while he trained.  

   
 

Dinner Time

 

Brothers bonding over the dinner table

 
So my son is apparently now into eating dog food? How? Why? I don’t even eat candy… and my kid wants to eat doggie kibble… Every time I think he is turning into a little mini me he goes and does something like this.

I don’t know… maybe I’m missing something? I mean dogs are the most amazing creatures on planet Earth. They basically dedicate their lives to make our lives better. Dogs were put on this planet to make us happy… You could leave the house for two minutes to get the mail and they literally great you like you’ve just gotten released from a 12 year prison sentence. Man’s best friend indeed.  

Maybe it’s the food? Maybe have Jax chow down on some organic chicken, salmon and sweet potato doggie pellets isn’t such a bad thing?  

PS: We’ve established that dogs were created to simply bring joy to humans… Meanwhile, cats were created to be smug assholes.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

You know things are bad when Buster brings you a chewed up spoon and he wasn’t even the one who did it

There are so many things that can wrong on a daily basis.  We’ve all seen them, hell we’ve all had them happen to us.  I know everyone reading this has slept through the alarm, backed into the garage door or said something you shouldn’t have when you thought you hung up the phone.

That’s life.  We were put on this earth to screw up and laugh at each other when we do.  However, what happens when you start screwing things up and it starts a chain of events likely to end in disaster?  I can’t tell you that it ain’t pretty because I lived through that tonight.

A simple attempt at face-timing while preparing two dinners, entertaining an 11 month old and remembering to feed to hungry dogs can turn any organized dad into a panicking lunatic. Even after putting in countless hours of supervision and surviving what at the time seemed like traumatic events never prepares you for a series of unfortunate events (great book series by the way).

After face timing former guest blogger Uncle Mike things got scary.  We had been off the phone for two minutes and things already began falling apart.  I left my dinner in the oven a little too long and it started smoking which caused the fire alarms to go off.   Jackson then proceeded to per all over me as I held him naked over his tubby that was overfilling and spilling everywhere.  This then resulted in  Buster and Max running in circles barking at the fire alarm and the crying baby!

Any normal human loses their mind at this point… like you’re done, you’ve checked out and gone to your happy place.  Not here though… not at Chromicles of a New Dad… here we laugh in the face of danger and run circles around the competition.  We don’t rest on our laurels (remember I’ve been called an internet blogging sensation as well as the song bird of my generation… Ok so I made those up… It’s my blog I can say what I want!).

The trick to solving all this… take a deep breath, and tackle one situation at a time, or just sit on the bathroom floor while the little guy is in the tubby taking a bath and pray that your wife gets home soon.

I’ll leave it up to you to decide what option I chose.