The Rough-and-Tumble Life

Most days are full of running around, hurrying everyone up to get into the car so we aren’t late, or quickly moving to the next activity because my kids have the attention span of a goldfish (do goldfish have short attention spans, because it i feel that they do). There’s rarely down time. So when we do get a chance to take a deep breath and relax it’s a nice change of pace.

A Saturday morning, just the boys at home taking it easy. A cup of coffee for dad, some milk for the boys and Blaze and the Monster Machines on repeat. I mean can you dream up a better start to your weekend? Neither can I, but that’s what easy mornings are now… a dream.

I try to let Stephanie sleep in as much as possible. I’m an early riser and waking up before anyone else enables me to have a quiet cup of coffee. I’ll gladly wake up with the birds if it means a silently enjoyed cup of coffee and an uninterrupted few minutes of SportsCenter. It rarely happens, but when it does it’s heavenly.

…I put the remote down, sit back and and take the first sip of a perfectly brewed cup of joe, sure enough, here come the footsteps down the stairs. It sounds like a stampede, did a herd of elephants just over take my once peaceful house? The scene is fuzzy as I’m still wiping crust from my eyes, but I can just barely make out a couple of sets of little arms and legs as they land on top of me knocking coffee everywhere. The dogs, once relaxed are now barking and trying to lick coffee stains out of the carpet. The day has begun.

Two little boys jump, arms outstretched, are now flying through the air. I feel like I’m participating in a Ringling Brothers’ acrobatic act. It’s just a blur of body parts pushing me over. One of these little monsters shows his claws and gnashes his teeth, I swear he’s possessed (it’s all fun and games until you need to call an for an exorcism).

I didn’t ask for this. I just wanted some kids to help with the household chores and laugh at my jokes. I didn’t realize I was going to be dealing with broken arms, bloody noses and CTE.

Exhibit A:

…Hashtag Brain Injury

Added to the chaos is the fact that Oliver is now almost two and living the daredevil life. He’s up, he’s down, he’s all over the place. He jumps off the couch with the look of an old school Hulk Hogan leg drop. He rolls down the stairs… I swear lately he’s been trying to ride Buster like a wild bull at a rodeo. As a kid you love having a tough sibling… especially when you live the rough-and-tumblr life like these two. Honestly, Oliver isn’t just a little brother, he’s a real life crash test dummy.

Exhibit B:

…Hashtag Vehicular Homicide

I’ll tell you this… Oliver is one tough little dude. He’s survived two years of Jackson saying, “I swear it was an accident dad!” Parent life is not all rainbows and unicorns around here. There’s little down time and there sure is very little quiet time anymore. But, I wouldn’t want it any other way. (Although it’d be nice to have to make such frequent trips to the ER).

Where the Wild Thing is

Its not often you get to capture the wild in their natural habitat. It’s barely ever that this wild one is peaceful enough at sleep time to be able to get this close. #WildThing #wherethewildthingsare

“Children do live in fantasy and reality; they move back and forth very easily in a way we no longer remember how to do.” —Maurice Sendak

OllieKazam

You know how some people can lift heavy weights, some can count cards and some people can predict the future… well I can’t do any of those things.  But I do have the uncanny ability to take people, places and things and make  movie and TV references based on each situation.  

My best superpower is being able to match a person with their famous twin (doppelgänger). I’m almost always on point; I do strike out once and while… we all do… but as the great poet Wayne Gretzky once said, “You always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
This one, this particular comparison, is a slam dunk (yes I made a hockey and basketball reference not even one sentence apart).  But… this one was easy… Oliver… he is WallyKazam… and it’s not even debatable. 

PS: If Max and Norville aren’t identical twins seperated at birth then nothing in this world makes sense anymore: 


UPDATE:  Apparently Jackson is the long lost son of Nicolas Cage:      

Paw… Cookie… Yeah!!!

 

 

Over the course of almost three years Buster and Max have been on the short end of the stick for a lot of famous incidents. There’s the Meatball Massacre, the Christmas Catastrophe and the time Jax let Buster and Max outside in a driving snow storm without us knowing… poor dogs turned into real life Four legged Olafs.

But the thing is these guys were here long before Jackson… and honestly I’ve cleaned more Buster and Max pee and poop then I’ve cleaned up from Jackson. These guys are a huge part of Jackson’s life and from day one, they’ve been extremely protective of him.

Meanwhile, Jackson has tried to ride Buster like he was a camel and has attempted many WWF finishing moves on poor Max. Both dogs have nubby tails, yet Jackson is still able to yank on them and the fact that Buster’s ears are still attached to his head is a miracle.

The thing is though, Jackson has learned how to be patient, caring and at times remorseful through his relationship with his “brothers”. It’s been, at times stressful, but for the most part it’s been so very rewarding to watch my son and two dogs interact and enjoy each other’s company.

 

They say a dog is mans best friend… but I’d venture to say that once a child comes along… a dog is a boy’s best friend. (Especially this little boy and “Di-Di-Dah and Dah”).

 

The Trick or Treat Snowman

Another Halloween… and another day of shoving my poor son (who doesn’t even like wearing normal clothes) in a costume as soft as sandpaper. Why do parents do this to their children? The last thing Jax wants to do before getting dropped off at day care is to put a 14 pound puffy cotton ball on his head.

Getting this kid ready in the morning takes a particular set of skills. Skills needed to have been acquired over a very long career of parenting. Skills that I apparently don’t have which makes mornings a nightmare for people like me (Taken reference). Yet today we decided to add 37 more steps to our morning routine by sending him to school dressed up as Olaf. Poor, poor, poor kid. He took it like a champ though… after ripping the Velcro open a few time and throwing his Olaf head at Buster.

Our first Halloween night where jax was old enough to “get it” was fun. The neighborhood fell under Little Olaf’s spell as they literally dumped candy into his bucket. He said a lot of please and thank yous and even ran into a little Elsa on the side walk and stopped for a quick hug!

Jax then had to begin handing out candy to the older kids before we realized the dogs ate two of the three bags of candy we bought. The final four kids come to the door. Stef says sorry we only have three pieces left and Jax carefully watches his last three snickers bars fall into open pillow cases. The last kid drops his head and is sad. Mind you there was a GIANT SIZE candy bar left of the counter… Stef literally sent a child away because she didn’t want to give up her last KitKat!!!

The night ended when I let the dogs out the front door because a huge crowd rolled up in a trailer hitched to a pickup. No more candy, lights out yet they still kept coming… the dogs took care of that. The dogs literally scared the poop out of hose high schoolers as kids were tripping over each other to get away.

And… fin.

Trick or Treat!

Jurassic Park

That time my kid was sick and finally stopped screaming when he curled up on the dog bed and fell asleep:


“First you bring this smelly thing home. Then you give him all the attention and love. Now he gets my bed?? Screw this, I’m out!!!” -Max the Dog

Try putting a toddler down on a normal night, let alone on a day when he feels like crap.  It’s literally an impossible task.  I’d rather spend the two hours trying to herd valaceraptors than what I went through getting Jax to bed tonight.  

What i assume putting multiple children to bed would be like.