Distance Learning Potty Training

Distance learning has its benefits and it’s downfalls. Being home everyday, while also being almost completely unavailable is the perfect definition of what I mean.

BENIFIT: Being able to help potty train your three year old.

DOWNFALL: Being able to help potty train your three year old.

We’ve had many trials and tribulations with the whole potty training thing with everyone in this house. Hell… the dogs are still strategically placing landmines all over the house. We’re a clean up crew around here.

But then there are days that make the landmines all with it…

Oliver walked calmly over to Mom and said he needed to go potty. It was a clear potty training win. People all over the house, from far and wide screamed, danced and bearing gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

Amazing right… Fast forward a few hours…

I was summoned by the screams of an almost six year old… “Dad, Oliver is POOPING!!!” The same child that hours earlier had calmly walked inside and properly asked to use the restroom to do his business, now smiled, half hidden behind the coffee table.

Potty training… The highs are so high, but let me tell you the lows are so low (and messy, as well).

Drop it Like it’s Hot

The last few years have been a wild ride. There’s been crying and laughing. There’s been tears and there’s been blood, there’s been puking and then there’s been more blood.

Of course we can’t forget the fact that there has been poop (both human and canine) in every square inch of our house. We’ve got one child who is Semi-appropriately using the bathroom. Yeah ok, so he may pee outside even when there is an indoor toilet within reach, but at least he understands a relatively appropriate way to relieve himself.

That brings us to this little dude. The lower sibling on the totem pole. He’s working hard to keep up with his brother. Don’t forget however, he’s only two years old. We’ve been intermittently trying potty training thing, but this kid is ready. He’s constantly yelling at us, “mom, dad… peeeeeeee- potty!!” We just haven’t gotten it all together.

That was until today…

No big deal… but this little dude, our littlest.. yea he just peed on the potty!

… Pooping however… is still a work in progress!!

Not the Same

We’re just not cut out to be going out by our selves anymore.  We’re just not those people anymore.

“Go out, just the two of you.” 

“Yup guys need a date night.”

“Get a babysitter, I’m sure Auntie Tricia would love to babysit!”

Sounds great in theory. Everyone eeds a little time to themselves. Every couple needs to spend some “us” time.  Stephanie and I deserve some “us” time for sure… FOOOWWWW SHHHHOOOOOWWWW! But the thing is… I’m not so sure we’re better off without our third wheel.  

Things seem to just work out better when the little guy is around.  Food tastes better, drinks are colder and the night just seems more fun.

Yet, for some reason the one time we leave him home and head out on an adventure by ourselves, all hell breaks loose.  There’s a time and place for everything… There’s a time to be serious and a time to laugh.   Unfortunately there’s nights like tonight which don’t fit in any category.

New outfit to go out… $50 Bucks. dinner out… $124 bucks. Crapping your pants in a public restroom… PRICELESS!   

Oops

Maybe next time we’ll just do take out!  Good thing we don’t have to pay the babysitter! 

Other People’s Poo

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You know how before you become a parent everything that comes out of a baby is disguising and gross… well that doesn’t change much when you do become a parent.  Your own kids bodily fluids become a little more tolerable because, well really you don’t have much of a choice. I never thought i’d be so nonchalant about having been pooped on or having to wipe someone else s butt, but apparently there is an innate ability to do so when you become a parent.

However, and that is a HUGE HOWEVER… that does not and will not change your ability to withstand other people’s poo.  I know I’ve written about this before: (https://newdadchronicles.wordpress.com/2014/10/27/ocd-and-yuck/), but this morning took on a whole new meaning of grossness.

This morning I watched no less then three people step in human poo.  Where did the poo come from? When did it get there?  No one actually knows… Or at least they aren’t willing to admit it.  Poop is funny to me… Poop is always funny to most people, but poop is also always gross.

There will never be a time when someone who steps in poop is not funny. Yea it probably sucks a little bit for the people who need to clean that up, but it’s funny for the rest of us. Knowing that somewhere out there there’s someone dropping a log and then running away giddy as can be is super funny. We may not know who it was… We don’t even know his real name, but for the purpose of this story we will just refer to him as the  “Brown Bomber.”

I’m not going to sit and say that all of a sudden I’m able to face poop head on; I still want nothing to do with it.   There is still a feeling of (even if its just for a minute) where you wish you didn’t have to cleanup someone else’s poop… especially as I catch my son’s eye and he gives me that look of, “Yup,  I just pooed all over the place…  What are you gonna do about it?  Nothing, except clean it up.  Because I own you now.” That’s the reason why your own kid’s poop is something you have to take care of.  It’s not an option it’s just something you have to do.

…other people’s poo… ehhhhh… can’t do it…

Shout out the SW who took one for the team and stepped all in the poo pile first!

E3

I’ve discussed this before, but I’m not sure I’ve actually seen one in real life before… “THE POO PELLET” as it’s commonly called (sometimes referred to by its Latin name the “Caca Pellet”).  

When taking off the diaper of a child it is nessesary to take things slow and keep your head on a swivel, keep everything in front of you and have soft hands… Just like fielding a ground ball at first base.  

If you don’t, like I didn’t, then the poo pellet is bound to squirt away… an E3… Before you know it it’s dribbling away under the table and out the door… Just like the “On Top of Spaghetti Song.”   

I implore you to be careful when you open that diaper… Don’t follow my lead.  Be better than Bill Buckner.  Be better than me.  Keep that Poo Pellet in front of you at all times! 

http://youtu.be/LwUSz6ZL5OU

Poopie the Snowman

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I was never really a snowman kinda kid.  I was more of a snow fort and snowball fight kinda guy.  But the snowman is a right of passage, its a staple in the northeast, its what sets apart the men from the boys.  Jax has been out in the snow before, but he hasn’t had the honor of meeting one of the famous snowmen made by dad… and none of that Olaf crap… I’m talking the real snow man that uses sticks for arms and a carrot for a nose and poop for eyes…

…wait… what?  

Yup.  My kid’s first snowman and I used dog poo for the snowman’s eyes.

I feel awful but, I am sure he won’t remember.  There is a time for keeping things simple and this was that time.  I wasn’t about to go find some coal.  Who even has coal around these days?  I mean I guess if you had a steam train running through your backyard… then maybe you might have some coal laying around… but not us.  This family is all about using what is available to you… and there is an abundance of poo in the front yard these days.

I think Jax liked his snowman friend.

snow

Peter Venkman, PhD.

Today you can call me Peter Venkman, because the poop I that I just fought with was of supernatural proportions. It was everywhere… It was Slimer green… It was unearthly.

I actually had to use the Ghostbusters Ghost Trap to dispose of it once I was done with the struggle of corralling it. Here’s video footage of the event:

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On a serious note though. If anyone knows where I can get one of these please, let me know!

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