50 Things Every Man Should Know

I’ve seen this on a few website recently.  I thought I would take a look through and see if there was anything in here that applies to everyday life.  (And by see if it applies to everyday life I mean:  am I a real man and can I do these things so that I can pass them on to my son)…

1. His wedding anniversary date

Absolutely, How can I forget?  I start getting emails about where Steph set up her gift registry at around mid-July.

2. Basic DIY

You know that old saying: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it?”  Yea… well… my take on that is… if it’s, don’t fix it.

3. How to change a light bulb

Easy to do… but I usually just wait for my mother in law to buy the right bulb and replace it for me.

4. How to tie up a tie

Easy… been a fashion icon for years!

5. How to read a map

I can read my GPS.

6. His partner’s favorite drink

Wine… is there a need to know a specific kind? Red or white is the extent of my wine knowledge.

7. How to iron a shirt

Button the shirt… and only iron the front on the steam setting, or wear a sweater over said wrinkled shirt.

8. How to change a tire

I’ll drive to town fair tire on my rims before I change a flat.

9. How to wet shave correctly

Stubble is the way to go.  (PS: What the hell is a wet shave?  Like in the shower?  Is that possible?)

10. The right amount of aftershave to use

Don’t shave… don’t need after shave.

11. How to change a fuse

This I know how to do.  It is the extent of my electrical knowledge.  It also gives me the right to tell people, “yeah, I’ve done electrical work before.”

12. When a woman says ‘I’m fine’ she is not fine

She isn’t?!

13. How to put up a shelf

Why would I ever need to put up a shelf?

14. How to polish his shoes

Life Hack: use Vaseline… cheaper and does the same job as the expensive stuff with out the mess.

15. How to give a confident handshake

Depends… do we shake, high five, give dap?  So embarrassing I usually just leave my hands in my pockets!

16. How many inches are in a foot

I taught first grade.  I know this one.

17. When to accept defeat and apologize

What am I the general of the British Army during the Revolutionary War?

18. Know the offside rule

Football yes… hockey I’m not so sure.

19. The year England won the World Cup

I’d just use a phone a friend.  Speed Dial #5 Adam

20. How to do his own laundry

There’s only two things I hate more than doing laundry: Raking leaves and Painting.  If I could I’d leave everything in the dryer and just wear it out of there.

21. How to fix a bike puncture

Buy a new tire.

22. How to jump start a car

Red to Positive and Black to Negative or Black to Positive and Red to Negative.  50/50 shot each time.

23. How to parallel park

Drove in NY enough to be able to do it.  However, it usually results in a scratched up passenger side rim.

24. The difference between ale and lager

Def. got this one.

25. The best way to carve meat

Cut against the grain… more tender meat less stringy and tough.

26. His own height

6′ on the dot

27. How to drive in snow

Yea… pray the other people don’t crash in to me because they are driving like idiots.

28. What wires represent earth, live and neutral

See question #11.

29. How to introduce himself

My legend proceeds me.

30. His parents’ address

Yes.  Love the gimmies.

31. What the football scores were at the weekend

Packers are on… that’s what I am watching… any other scores are secondary.

32. How to light a BBQ

Propane tank, turn the knob, hit the switch

33. When a woman says ‘Do what you want’ do not do what you want

This one I know… this one I’ve lived… this one I’ve screwed up numerous times.

34. How to change oil

I went to college so I don’t have to change my own oil.  Jax will too.

35. What the biggest recent football trades are

NFL and Fantasy related.

36. How to build a fire

Love fire.  Call Jay.

37. Which way is north

Never – Eat- Soggy- Waffles.

38. How to use the contents of the toolbox

As long as they don’t run off power than I can use them

39. How to tune in a telly

Switch to Direct TV, no issues.

40. How many miles are left after the gas light appears

Some of the most stressful driving miles ever!

41. How to fix a toilet

Plunger fixes everything toilet related right?

42. How to put someone in a recovery position

This sounds dirty.  I’m not teaching Jax anything about this!

43. His personal alcohol limits

Jax don’t drink until you are 30

44. Change a battery on a car

Free battery service at Auto Zone.

45. How to get a car unstuck

AAA

46. The words to the national anthem

Yes, and the Pledge of Allegiance and America the Beautiful too.

47. How to change a diaper

Pro… its like I’m in the pits.  Can change a diaper before the checkered flag is out.

48. How to perform CPR

Yes.

49. How to put up a tent

Not a chance.  I’ve left a campsite and gone to a hotel because I couldn’t get help to put up the tent.

50. Who are favorites to win the Super Bowl