Not bad for the first night. Btwn vitals checks for Jax and mom, diapers, and sleeping on a chair, my sleep count for day 1 is 3 hours.
Nurse asks if we want her to take you to the nursery so we can sleep. Uhhhhh How bout NO! I’ve seen enough lifetime movies to know if you let the nice nurse watch your kid, he’ll be for sale on eBay within the hour.
Instantaneously I realized I am no longer the best looking guy on earth.
So your 1st poo lived up to its hype. I can still hear Zach Morris crying for his pet duck.
As I type this I realize you probably don’t get the SBTB reference (and by SBTB I mean original, none of this College Years crap), and that makes me sad. We have a lot of catching up to do when you get home.
But what is often over looked is the immediate feeling that comes next… “Shit please don’t drop it, please don’t drop it!!”
Ironically Jax… That’s the same feeling every Boston Red Sox fan has when ever there is a ground ball hit to first base!
The nurses gaze in wonder as you were presented to the world. I remind them It’s part of the royal blessing and presentation ceremony. For all to see, celebrate and finally bow down to, as the infant child is their future king.
It is unknown whether this presentation is done with every royal child born, or just the first born who is the likeliest to be born to an idiot dad.
Sorry kid, not sure if you felt that but I went to grab my Snapple and dropped your mom’s leg. I guess epidurals make you lose feeling below your waist.
But come on,
It was a raspberry iced tea! You’ll soon learn that a Snapple raspberry ice tea pairs nicely with any meal… including hospital saltines.
Wifey’s in labor… But 1st let me take a selfie!!
Who knew!?
(see large marge reference from earlier)
What they don’t teach you is how to respond when your wife’s eyes turn red and pop out of her head Large Marge style, as she screams, “I AM BREATHING!!!! WHHHAT THE F$&@ DO YOU THINK THIS IS CALLED!???”
Sorry Sons: Chronicles of a New Dad 