Jimmy F-ing Fallon. Everything about Jimmy FREAKING Fallon is starting to tweek my last nerve… not terrible nerve pain… but more of a dull throb of my last nerve. I can’t stand it, I can’t stand the jealousy coursing through my veins right now. It is a maddening feeling. Everything about this SOB is perfect… his hair, his job, his jokes, his “superstar” status… he totally stole it from me. The guy is like the perfect version of me… (minus the fact that I am not famous, can’t rap, don’t chill with Justin Timberlake and closest I’ve ever been to the Tonight Show was a pre-printed autograph photo of Jay Leno that I once got in the mail). I mean think back a few years, he was the character on SNL who couldn’t get through thirty seconds of a sketch without laughing (see: Debbie Downer w. Lindsey Lohan)… and now he is basically King Midas. Everything this guy touches turns to gold.
I’m sitting here mashing the keyboard on my “Dad Blog” stoked to recieve 17 views a day, and passing my “Dad Book” out to publishers like its a free condom at senior prom… and this dude writes seven words max and is a New York Times Best Selling Author?!!! WTF Jimmy… save some for the rest of us.
Here is the thing though, I love the guy, like I literally would dump all my childhood friends to chill with him. He seems so much cooler than the guys I grew up with (they are so overrated; I can say those things about my friends because I know there is no way in hell they are reading this). I love the fact that he just seems like an average guy, just wants to hang out and laugh at immature crap and drink beer.
In an interview Fallon told MPR News, “I just want the baby’s first word to be ‘dada.’ I don’t care if she’s smart. I have one agenda.” Totally my views on parenting. Steal the show, steal the fame and live to tell another day. That quote brings us to the main point of today’s blog, Jimmy’s book, Your Baby’s First Word Will Be Dada. What a parenting power move. I sat here for days on end basically saying “Dada” until the word iteself sounded weird. I caught so much heat for it. Parents, in-laws and the wife gave me grief for not being equal in the first word teaching techniques and then you have Fallon… he just does the same thing and can call it research for his new book.
So unfair. So Jimmy. Guy can’t do anything wrong. I would be surprised if Jackson’s first word wasn’t Jimmy. Damn you Fallon!
PS: Fallon was right…