https://youtu.be/2bH0OXsmsbQ
I’ve been standing in the same spot in my family room for the last 25 minutes. Just swaying back and forth. You know that scene from Hitch where will smith tells Kevin James, “Tonight I want you to meditate on the image of an iceberg. Do you know why I want you to … You live right here, okay? This is home.”
That’s me right now. And it’s working. If only I could sleep standing up.
They say a dog is man’s best friend. Not when you have a toddler and a newborn at home… that title belongs to coffee. And this morning coffee was needed to be more than a best friend. It needed to be lover… a confidant… a trusted advisor.
Who would have thought I found that at my son’s daycare. I appreciate the fact that Nicole, Nikki, and et al. know what parents go through in the morning. Thank you for putting a Keurig in the lobby for those of us who need to have their third cup of coffee before 8am.
I don’t understand how it’s so impossible to keep a pacifier in your mouth? He’s laying down on his back and the pacifier still keeps popping out. It’s defying the laws of gravity, which in turn causes screaming and crying.
You know that mask the Bane wears in the Baan comics/movies? Do they have one in pacifier style for babies? I’m quite sure if they don’t, i could invent one…
i would be rich or at least I’d be a lot less tired.
I don’t remember changing this many diapers last time. What is going on over here right now?
Dear Baby Ollie,
By the time you read this I assume (insert sarcastic comment here) that you and Jackson will be best of friends. Therefore, don’t be angry with him when you find out that he tried to shove his finger down your throat and then tried to smother you with your taggie this afternoon.
~~~~~~
UPDATE: You just literally peed all over him in the tub… revenge is a dish best served “body temperature” warm.
I’m not sure if i have a writing style… if you had to narrow it down I know a few people might say my style is “grammatically horrible,” or “not really funny”… something like that. First Person Narrative… I guess that’s the closest you can get to narrowing down the writing. I mean the blog is titled Chronicles of a New Dad… I’d like to think I’ve Chronicled my perspective on having kids in a unique way.
But, today… I’ve decide to change it up a bit… I needed to tell someone thanks. Thanks for quite a bit actually. So I’m changing things up a little bit and am going writing letter style.
Dear Staci Miller (Photography),
It’s been almost three years since you came into our life… expensive Nikon camera, gorgeous props and the patience of a saint. Yes, early on in our relationship you had a different name… Pink Elephant… different but still amazing. And that’s just it… i needed to thank you for bringing amazing to life.
Not many people can take the thoughts that swim around in this weird brain of mine… take those abstract ideas and make them concrete. You’ve successfully, in essence, painting the pictures of my mind and put them on canvas. You’re an artist with a flash and lost of fluorescent lighting.
The thing is, that’s not even what makes these pictures a masterpiece. It’s the fact that you have to deal with me… a hyper… anxiety riddled parent who is obsessed with details. I’m the Jack Nicholson (As Good As It Gets Nicholson) of parenting during new born photos. OCD to the max.
You’ve taken photos of a wizards hat and wand… you successfully posed an infant on a giant piece of cheese and most impressive of all captured numerous shots while getting peed on. It’s impressive to say the least.
There was the time at the barn where Jackson got bit by a rooster, the time where we got you caught up in a beach wedding with Miller Highlife cans in the background, the session where I made you take pictures of my sons butt and the time my pants were too tight to help hold Oliver’s head up. I admit to ruining quite the few “perfect shots.”
You took pictures while my son puked on your floor, peed on your brand new background and shattered glass Christmas ornaments (ok the ornaments were my fault… and I may have eaten a few cheese sticks out of your fridge, but you catch my drift… we’re not easy subjects to photograph.
But that all pales in comparison to the latest sitcom-like experience. You know the one where I made you snap photos of my son inside a flower pot while he was screaming (purposefully making him cry, because that’s what Mandrakes do in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets… (which by the way is my least favorite book and movie).
You did it all with a smile on your face and 85mm – 135mm lens in your hand (is that a real thing I know nothing about cameras?). You always welcomed us in your home, or your studio or some random farm, which if I were you I’d suggest every time since then Jackson can’t eat all your cookies and string cheese.
And for some reason you keep having us back and the pictures get better each time we do. For that… I thank you… from the bottom of my Harry Potter loving heart.
Here is the link to Jackson’s newborn photos: https://chroniclesofanewdad.com/2014/05/10/5-10-14-newborn-photos/
I’m so tired of everyone telling me how bad things are going to get.
Yea I get it. The second kid is harder. I mean listen I have a few college degrees… two is more than one. I understand the mathematics behind having a second child. But listen, I got this. I think we did a pretty damn good job with the first one. Can he be a pain in the butthole sometimes, of course… does he annoy me when he asks for the lights on, and then off, and then on, and then off… yeah… a little annoying I admit it. But listen he’s not even three yet. I’m ok with that.
I’m sure things aren’t going to be easy forever. I’m sure I’ll look back at this blog and curse myself. But for now… things are running like a well oiled machine… I got this… every morning I wake up… stare these two kids right in there beady little eyes and quite the prophet Rocky Balboa: “You ain’t so bad, you ain’t so bad, you ain’t nothin’… I ain’t even breathin’ heavy.”
What my mornings look like these days.. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=I7krz_Krn4k
I may not be a child anymore, but I am willing to cut one off to get a better spot in line for a midnight release of one of the books or a prime seat at the midnight showing of “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” when it’s released.
As discussed numerous times my love for Potter started when I was in college . Bored on a summer day i finally decided to give the first book it’s due-diligence… and the rest is history. As the years passed and new potter books were published and new potter movies were released I would re-read the old books. I would wait in line at midnight at bookstares and head out, coffee in hand, for movie premieres.
It’s no surprise that, to this day, I still check my mailbox hoping that my Hogwarts letter will be there… stuck between my mortgage bill, sports illustrated and the numerous credit card applications.
Luckily, for the second person in this house… their Hogwarts letter arrived. His Hogwarts Express ticket is in hand and he’s ready to board that steam-train and become a famous quidditch player… I guess I’ll have to live vicariously through him.
…that is… until my Hogwarts acceptance letter arrives too.
Jax got his letter years ago as well… https://chroniclesofanewdad.com/2014/06/23/6-23-14-mr-j-carmine-nursery-up-the-stairs/
Sorry Sons: Chronicles of a New Dad 
