The following conversation takes place between 8:07pm and 9:51pm om Tuesday, March 14, 2017. The conversation includes advice from a professional and should not be attempted without the supervision of an adult or caregiver over the age of 18. The following events take place in real time…
Success people… freaking success! FINALLY!!!
Daylight Savings Time: when you spend half the day trying to figure out which clock is right and the other half questioning why you became a parent in the first place.
When all else fails and I’m still wide awake its helpful to know that all this walking back and forth has my goal for steps in a day met before I even eat breakfast.
I heard it from the next room… it didn’t matter where you were, however, as you could hear it from a mile away. Ollie’s first gravity defying blast… it was everywhere… I mean it was EVERY-WHERE!
We’re now in Defcon 1 over here… just awaiting the next nuclear explosion… say a prayer.
I can’t believe it’s finally gotten to this point. The point where my own son sounds like he’s a student in one of my first grade classrooms. “Sit cross-cross applesauce daddy!”
Yesterday, while building a block tower I was scolded for sitting the wrong way. When I was in school we used to be told to sit “Indian Style” when when teachers wanted to sit cross-legged on the ground. You don’t hear that phrase anymore, even when I first started teaching i would tell the class to sit cross-cross applesauce. I’d occasionally through in a “sit like a Pretzel”.
But now it’s come full circle. I’m no longer the teacher… I’m the student… in my own house.
PS: Look at those knees… after years of hurdles… cross-cross applesauce no longer applies to me. My legs don’t bend like that anymore. 
So last night I attempted our second night of putting Jaxto put Jax to sleep in his NEW BIG BOY ROOM. I decided to continue LIVE TWEETING the event. Here is detailed account of what will go down in the history of Chronicles of a New Dad as one of the biggest mission failures in history! (Here’s a link to the first attempt): https://chroniclesofanewdad.com/2017/03/06/project-big-boy-room-1st-attempt/
7:23pm #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom Attempt Day 2
7:24pm Nice and calm book time. Chica chica boom boom #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom 
7:25pm This has to be a good sign. He’s reading the book on his own to me. Said “no daddy me read!” #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom
7:29pm Casually worked in a “do you want to sleep in here tonight?” Response: “yes”. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom
7:33pm NOISE is on! This is happening. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom
7:38pm Lights out “daddy lay w me and rub rub back” #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom I can smell success
8:04pm There was 15 minute window where I was so sure that this was going 2 happen that I let my guard down #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom
8:05pm Heard Baby Ollie cry got up ran into room to give him a hug and kiss and it was all over from there #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom
8:06pm Somehow came out of hugging Ollie & was able to convinced mom to put him in his old room. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom
8:09pm In process of moving all stuff back in nursery. Taggie✅ Blanket✅ Noise✅ Pillow✅ PurpleLight✅ Heat✅ #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom
8:10pm And Fin (asleep safe and sound in the nursery) #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom #FailureTake2
There is this theory about lack of sleep. It goes something like, “lack of sleep is horrible.” I’m sure that is a theory based in scientific evidence and data collected over a substantial period of time which was studied by multiple people in across all fields of academia.
I know I can support this theory with first hand evidence. I have the progress monitoring data to show the “horribleness” (a scientific term) of lack of sleep. Scientists and doctors are still studying the cause of this epidemic, but honestly they don’t have to look much further than the basenett five feet from where I’m sitting right now.
WIDE AWAKE… and making squealing noises. There are times I feel like there is a miniature piglet sleeping next to me… So without further adieu I present the evidence of the root cause of “lack of sleep…”
Stop Pooping
Stop POOPING
STOP POOPING
The only other poop I’ve cleaned up after more than Oliver is Buster. And Oliver has only been around a month.
So last night we attempted to put Jax to sleep in his NEW BIG BOY ROOM. Throughough the past month or so there has been lots of prep work put in to building his level of comfort in his new room. We hung out in there, read him stories in there before bed… etc, etc.
I decided to LIVE TWEET the event last night. Here is detailed account of what will go down in the history of Chronicles of a New Dad as one of the biggest mission failures in history!
6:54 PM – 5 Mar 2017
About to live tweet my attempt at putting my (almost 3 year old) in his new “big boy room” for the 1st time. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #PrayForMe
6:56 PM – 5 Mar 2017
So far we’ve successfully turned out the light 6x and turned on the humidifier approximately 12x #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom
7:00 PM – 5 Mar 2017
Weve now moved on to climbing on 1 side of the bed and off other. Feel like im watching Daytona 500 #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom
7:01 PM – 5 Mar 2017
Escape of Alcatraz. He’s out. Gone. Door closed behind him and I’m alone. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom
7:03 PM – 5 Mar 2017
“Hello, I’m back!!!”
7:08 PM – 5 Mar 2017
1st demand “baby Ollie lay in bed w me”. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom
7:18 PM – 5 Mar 2017
Abandoned negotiating and have just simply asked him where he wants to sleep. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom
7:22 PM – 5 Mar 2017
Back to the nursery. had the time to say goodbye to your baby room. Here’s the look of realization that he’s growing up-mine and his) 
7:24 PM – 5 Mar 2017
I’ve now resorted to spelling out curses every time he climbs out of the bed. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom
7:27 PM – 5 Mar 2017
“People are coming for me” quote literally word for word from my son and I have chills. WTF #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom
7:30 PM – 5 Mar 2017
Full escape this time. Down stairs. And found him hiding in the dogcrate. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom
7:38 PM – 5 Mar 2017
Yup he’s eating yogurt & graham crackers- asking for pasta Not my choice. tonight is a failure. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom
7:55 PM – 5 Mar 2017
Game over. Back in nursery. Night ends w him asking, “daddy rub, rub back.” #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom Guess there’s tomorrow
I’m not so sure this kid is going to make it much longer. Darwin might have predicted his outlook many moons ago… “survival of the fittest.” Im not sure he’s fit to be walking around without a bubble surrounding him.
Case in point: 
Another day, another fall. This one follows a tumble off a tricycle at school last week (mind you he wasn’t wearing a helmet, because, I was told, “tricycles are low to the ground so not much could happen if he falls off.” Hmmm???? 🤔
Anyway… a full sprint on the sidewalk, hands full and a misstep resulted in the massive golfball on his noggin.
However, this one may or may not be the fault of the parent who put two left shoes on his feet. 😬
Where is Gilderoy Lockhart when you need him? Oliver the Screeching Banshee has been howling at world record decibels for going on two hours.
I’m calling in reinforcements… someone call Lockhart. I need help over here.
Either that or some Mandrake Proof earmuffs:
Sorry Sons: Chronicles of a New Dad 