Today you can call me Peter Venkman, because the poop I that I just fought with was of supernatural proportions. It was everywhere… It was Slimer green… It was unearthly.
I actually had to use the Ghostbusters Ghost Trap to dispose of it once I was done with the struggle of corralling it. Here’s video footage of the event:
On a serious note though. If anyone knows where I can get one of these please, let me know!
Boobs, fart, wiener, butt… Uhhh words that make me laugh for a 100 Alex. As I’m writing that first sentence I literally asked Stef what words make laugh when I hear them and when she said poop I was cracking up. I’m not inappropriate, I’m just a guy. I’m a guy who happens to also be a dad… and dads have sons and sons do funny things that are inappropriately funny.
I’m just not sure when it’s ok to laugh. If I’m with my buddies and someone farts, I laugh. It’s a guy thing (mind you I was raised to be respectful and in general I am). But now I have a son whom I need to be a role model for. As he grows he will inevitably do things and say things that are inappropriate, but that will also be funny.
Tonight was a prime example of what I’m talking about. Let me set the stage: Mom and I are out to dinner at a nice, small restaurant that we’ve been to enough were the people there know us. We are seated and notice Auntie Sue sitting across the room. She promptly comes over and scoops up little Jackson giving Mom and I a few needed minutes to chat and eat by ourselves. Until… Auntie Sue and Jax turn the corner and we see this:
Full on hand down the shirt boob grab. I’m now in hysterics. Mom has turned as red as the marinara on her pasta, but I can’t stop laughing. Inappropriate, yes. Funny as hell, absolutely.
The question is where do I draw the line? When do I have to set a good example and be a role model for my son? Of course by this I mean: be serious and let him know that his actions are not funny… and then laugh like hell on the inside and blog about it later.
So the weirdest thing happened to us today… Jackson decided he was not going to just eat what ever was given to him. From oatmeal (stage 1 and 2) to every kind of fruit and vegetable mixture you could ever imagine… Apple, grape and kale- ate it… pear, orange, squash- devoured it… pumpkin, sweet potato, blueberry- manga!
Until tonight…
Just decided he was done with his quinoa oatmeal… Not having it, doesn’t like it, just does not tickle his palette. The first few times he spit it out we thought it was funny, after a while it wasn’t so amusing.
I mean it’s an easy fix for the the time being, but how do you deal moving forward. Do we just write down that he won’t eat this food and that food? Do we reintroduce it at some point? I’m pretty sure our pediatrician said we’re supposed to track all the food he eats each day. But I think we might be a few months behind on that.
I guess he starting to figure out his likes and dislikes. Pretty soon he’ll be cooking his own meals. Damn… These kids grow up so fast!
Let’s start with 1440
Jackson has been doing amazing in the sleep department, mom might disagree, but in all reality he is in bed by 7:00 and is up for good by 6:00 (with an occasional wake up somewhere overnight for a midnight snack).
-660
Work work work work work… I’ve heard if you love your job you’ll never have to work a day in your life. Wrong, it’s all work and I Love my job. It’s rewarding, helps make a difference in today’s society and so for the future. and it’s fun… But let’s face it it’s work.
-600
Getting home from work is nice until you realize that there are seventeen things that you said you’d do yesterday and didn’t have time for…
Unload and reload the dishwasher
-15
Fold and put away the laundry
-25
Take Buster and Max for a walk
-20
Add in that nobody’s eaten yet including the dogs.
-60
Now I’m more of a language arts guy but if my math is correct… If an hour has 60 minutes and a day has 24 hours, there are 60 times 24 minutes in a day:
24 x 60 = 1440 minutes
Upon adding up the minutes spent on EVERYTHING ELSE (1380) there’s only an hour left in my day to spend with my son. A little boy who I want to be around for 1440 minutes a day, I see for maybe 60. How can this be what I signed up for? How can this be what he signed up for?
Sticking to routines and setting aside certain activities specific to daddy time has really helped. Knowing that 60 minutes might be a small amount of time is less concerning when you spend those 60 minutes well. It’s the old “quality over quantity” theory.
There’s no way to get more time, we don’t get to add on… as each second is in all reality a countdown. But it’s what you do with the time you have that gives makes you who you are. That is where you build your legacy… And right now my legacy is the greatest thing to ever happen to me… My Son.
So when is 60 > 1380? When the 60 is spent with the ones you love the most.
Tubby Time is always something I make time for!
Every once and a while Twitter is good for something other than fantasy football news. Last night the term #BabyRappers was trending.
Anyone who knows me knows I love anything rap and hip hop related (especially old school). If you haven’t already check out my HipHop Advice for Jax: https://newdadchronicles.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/advice-for-jax-taken-from-90s-hip-hop/.
Here is a list of some of my #BabyRapper names and some of the best from Twitter:
Salt and Pampers
Smelly Prince of Bel Air
DJ Droolie Jeff
Womb Tang Clan
Three to Six Month Mafia 2MonthOldPac
Kid N Playpen
LL Cool Jax
Notorious J.A.X.
… And here are some of the best from others on Twitter:
@Maggiemayehaha: Rob Bassinet
@Adam_Cozens: KRS-Onsie
@THE_BOONDOCKS: B.O.B the builder
@alikigreeky: Busta Nursery Rhymes
@dantelfer: 50 Centimeters Dilated
@willnoonan: Similacklemore
@tylermorrison1: Birthing Method Man
@keatingthomas: Kid Cuddly
@MELnc: Potty By Nature
@andytwood: Kendrick Lamaze
@tylermorrison1: 2 Live Croup
@kelly_carlin: Chuck D Cheese
@MrTommyCampbell: NWA – Newborns With Attitude
And my personal favorite:
@adamrank: Pediatrician Dre
I am a not good at this whole nap thing. Its been eight months and I still can’t get him to fall asleep. Grammy can get him to fall asleep during an earthquake. I can’t get him to fall asleep wrapped up in a swaddle, in the dark, when he is exhausted. I feel like this is getting harder. I don’t know how to tell when he is supposed to sleep and I sure as hell don’t know how to get him to go to sleep.
Nap time in this house is more like playtime and I just don’t get it. I don’t understand why Jax won’t nap… All I want to do is nap these cold winter days. I don’t think I take enough naps. I wish my life still involved naps and watching movies all day with blankets covering the window.
I know you guys, especially you new parents, feel my pain. I get home after the gym on a Saturday morning and I know there is 40,000 things I need to do around the house. Nap time is what I wish for when it’s time to get home and start doing stuff. Screw mopping the floors or picking up doggie dookie on the front lawn, I’d rather lay in bed all day and watch every Rocky movie in succession on TBS except for Rocky V, (I think I’ve seen this movie maybe once all the way threw it was so bad.)
Where does this kid get this from? Why won’t he nap? Why won’t he snuggle up next to the fireplace with his dad in a blanket fort and sleep our troubles away for the afternoon. Nope he wants to do stuff, play with my face and look outside at stuff.
Guess Ill have to nap on my own time.
Our first chest bump! What a game… Go Pack Go!!!
Where in the parenting handbook is the section for “protecting your child from mass shootings, terrorism, murder and hate?” Maybe the real question I should be asking is why the hell do I ever need a section titled “protecting your child from mass shootings, terrorism, murder and hate?” Either way this is one of those topics that I struggle with.
I remember growing up and watching the news during Operation Desert Storm. I remember writing letters to soldiers when I was in 4th grade. What I don’t remember is fearing for my safety… ever. There’s always been hate in he world, there’s always been hate in everyday life. Society seems to thrive on it… Turn on the news, it’s all that they ever reported on.
The difference is I have a son now. There are horrible people out there and horrible people do horrible things. How do I protect my son from those people and those things? I sometimes think I want to just keep him and Stef by my side 24 hours a day. No school, no mall, no vacations, just us three and the dogs Blast from the Past style (if you don’t get the reference 1. shame on you 2. Wikipedia Brandon Frazier).
I’m pretty sure that 9/11 was a life defining moment in so many peoples lives. That was our generation’s Pearl Harbor. I think that was the day that actually changed my mind set on everyday life… my everyday life. It made me look around more; it made me worry about flying. Sandy Hook, 45 seconds from where I grew up, where my family and friends live, where people I grew up with work… that was the second defining moment I experienced. As an elementary school administrator that day made me change the way I think about visitors in the school and mental health issues.
So how does this recent tragedy in Paris change me? I don’t think it does… I don’t think it makes me say Je suis Charlie. If I wasn’t already; I’m not now. But the other thing is… why do I have to be Charlie to denounce the hatred in the world. Why can’t I be me? I want to think about how I can better the lives of others, but not worry about what other people are doing. I want to raise my son to be a loving, caring human being and I don’t want him to worry about being safe when he is out in the world.
Im not sure how to do that though? How do you raise a child to denounce hatred and terror in a time of hatred and terror without having him actually expierence hatred and terror? I guess this is another one of those abstract things that you feel your way through each day.
What happens when you get two of the funniest people in the world in the same room at the same time? Hilariousness happens that’s what.
Quotes of the century were being thrown around like they were going out of style:
-“Pete you’re like Snow White with kids instead of animals.”
-“I’m sort of like catnip for kids.”
-“Get off him, that’s not right.”
“Having two kids is a game changer guys… a game changer.”
-“You guys are gonna be real sad when I publish my cook book.”
-“Next time Laura and I will talk recipes and you two can go play in the pool.”
-“One is tough, but two… there are times I don’t even know what day it is.”
-“I really should wake him up from his nap right now, but I’m not sure I want what comes with two of them running around.”
Great night, great food, great friends, even better laughs!
My son is a little boy. He’s no longer an accessory; he is growing up and starting to develop a little personality. He’s not just a lump on a log who poops. He does stuff, he stands up and looks around and notices things.
Today I came home from work and he was holding himself up just doing some work at his little table. I walked in the door and he gave me one of those slow turn arounds where he looked upset that I was interrupting him. He smiles when he sees me, but usually can’t be bothered and gets right back to work. I picked him up and his little chubby tummy was sticking out. No onesie. Just his little boy belly under a t-shirt. I feel like any day now I’m going to walk in the door and he’s going to be using Skype to conduct business meeting in a three-piece suit.
Why are we always wishing for time to move so quickly. When you were six you couldn’t wait to you were ten. When you were ten you wanted to be 16, when you were 16 you wanted to be 21… etc, etc. etc. Steph and I are always waiting for Jax to hit the next developmental milestone. When will he crawl, when will he walk, when can he solid foods? But, Im not so sure I am ready for all these things just yet. I want my little one to stay just that- LITTLE!
I feel like it was just yesterday that I was sitting in Mrs. Clarkson’s class listening to her read us the Polar Express for the first time. I can still remember getting chills as her voice played the different roles in the story. When did I grow up (age wise, obviously not maturity)? I closed my eyes and I’m 35 with a wife and son. I mean I wouldn’t change any of the stops along the way of the last 30 plus years… but I wish I hadn’t been so excited for the next “big thing” to come along.
There’s a belief in Taoism that we often move through life with our mind way ahead of us. Sound familiar? It does to me. All of us face so many distractions and goals, wants and visions of what we can be or should be that we constantly are looking to the future. We work more than we should, we compete way to much and we want to improve who we are for the future instead of improving and being in the now. The problem with that is we are never in tune with our lives at that moment. We are busy moving to the beat of everyone else and the world itself. According to Tao “A Taoist lives a long healthy life, as a Taoist moves to the beat of their own subtle personal cues”.”
I guess that brings me to where I am today, enjoying this little dude growing up and the moments we have each day. (This blog has definitely helped with that, I tend to notice and pay more attention to the little things now). So as Jax grows up, which he inevitably will… I need to remind myself, that he will do the things he wants to do when he is ready to do them, and his mom and I should enjoy the ride!
HOWEVER… there is the issue of the UGGs. Mommy bought him UGG boots yesterday and he was wearing them like a champ and that is right where I step in and say Tao or no Tao… He’s not going to take “personal cues” from his mommy when it comes to footwear. I know Tom Brady wears UGGs, (which is precisely why I don’t like Tom Brady). But either way, i still miss the days where he would be all swaddled up and would sleep in my arms.
Sorry Sons: Chronicles of a New Dad 