Waitress: “Would you like a sippy cup for him?”
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Author Archives: Peter
Jacksonlocks
Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Jacksonlocks. He woke up one morning very hungry. So he went downstairs to find something to eat.
At the kitchen counter, there were three cups. Jacksonlocks was hungry. He tasted the drink from the first cup.
“This drink is too strong!” He exclaimed.
So, he tasted the drink from the second cup.
“This drink is too sweet,” he said
So, he tasted the last cup.
“Ahhh, this drink is just right,” he said happily and drank it all up.
Happy Birthday Mom
Dear Mommy,
I wanted to write you a birthday card, but I realized after a few minutes that I can’t actually write yet. So I figured the best thing to do was to let dad translate for me and put it on his blog (since everything has to be about him anyway)… So here it is:
Mom, thank you for making me realize that I am very loved and that I’m worth everything. All the kisses and hugs in the world aren’t as great if they aren’t from you.
Mom, thank you for giving me a shoulder to cry on when I bumped my head after spinning in circles, or fell down after trying to ride Buster, and especially after I wound up in the hospital after face planting on a cobblestone walkway. I always know I’m safe as long as I have you around.
Mom, thank you for standing up for me when I may have done something stupid like throwing a ball at someone in music class, or getting in a “friends personal space at daycare.” You showed me that family always comes first and loyalty is an important virtue for everyone to exhibit.
Mom, thank you for making sure I always chose the right sort of people to be friends with. Because of you I will always surround myself with respectable and responsible people through each and every phase of my life… (too bad the same can’t be said for dad. His friends are weirdos).
Mom, thank you for showing me it’s ok to be happy with who I am and that being yourself is the only person you should want to be in life. I have learned about love and humor and how to enjoy life because of you. I also have learned how to stand up to the things I am afraid of and that being afraid of those things in the first place is a normal part of life… As long as I face them and realize that in the end I’m stronger than anything that I might be scared of.
But most importantly… Thank you for being my mommy, because as far as moms go… you’re the best.
Happy Birthday!
Love,
Jackson
Happiness Is…
Happiness is…
Is there a way to measure the amount of pride you have for your child… Better yet, is there a way to measure the amount of pride you have for another person in general? If there a way to show how simply in love you are with your son? I’m not sure there is.
I spend the majority of this blog talking about getting pooped on and how insanely crazy life is now that I’m chasing around a two year old. But the thing is, I’m not sure how to accurately represent how much better my life is now that Jackson is here. It’s a feeling that I can’t explain, honestly I don’t think any parent can explain… It’s a feeling of complete and utter submission… Knowing that every second of the day there is someone that is so much more important than anything else in world. It’s a feeling that can’t be explained, expressed or written… It’s a feeling that can only be felt… Knowing that you are completely roped in, so mesmerized, so hypnotized and so captivated by the one person in this world that can bring you tears of either happiness or sadness.
My entire life I’ve been giving, yet I’ve been selfish, I’ve been wrong and I’ve been right… I have so many flaws, yet I know that I have so much to give. I am seeing in you now the things I know I see in myself.
I’m not sure who helped who grow and develop… Who saved who… But what I do know is your smile and laugh has made me the happiest person in the world.
Museums for Kids
Museums: The place where stuff goes… that would otherwise collect dust… so that people can take pictures. Exciting for the history buff like me… Not so much for a barely pushing two year old… The pristine all too large for the three 17th century vases that are being displayed reverberate with the soft, dead sounds of tourists shuffling and employees yawning.
If it were just me, I’d read the placards and maybe Google some random information that I could pass off as my own to my son so he’d think I was smart. But it’s not just me… There’s a tiny hurricane tagging along with me ready to unleash gale force winds on unsuspecting rare and priceless artifacts.
That being said… Thank the good lord for inventing “Children’s Museums.” Basically an indoor playground with some historical facts posted around random stayed or painting. I’ve learned that you can take any word and put “Children” in front of it and basically means there will be hundreds of desperate parents looking to tire out there little ones. Today we were no different.
With a day off approaching, and sub-zero temperatures making it impossible to even attempt any type of outdoor activities…
Jax and i attempting to get the mail this morning
Therefore it was time to que up the free Lutz Children’s Museum tickets we reviewed as a gift for XMAS. Perfect place for a toddler to spend a quiet morning right? A museum? Enter the Children’s Museum. God’s gift to parents… A place that encourages running, climbing, jumping and screeching (and not just from the barn owl on display in the nature section). All in the name of learning.
He learned sure learned a lot: what a typical town looked like when Teddy Roosevelt was president, what crops were farmed in Connecticut during the late 1700s, why the invention of train was so vital to the development of the United States and also what a rooster looks like
Us parents? We learned a lot too: how many times you can walk up and down the same flight of stairs before wondering why you didn’t bring your own baby gate, how much pressure the glass separating you from the giant boa constrictor can actual take before shattering… Lead you to realize that the sign that says DO NOT BANG ON GLASS is actually something the museum means, how funny it watching your kid “milk” a cow…
… and lastly and probably most importantly we learned taking your child to a Children’s Museum results in one exhausted kid!
Parents 1 – Jackson 7,376
Jax + Peppa = ❤️
Jax painting for his mommy
Valentine’s Day Shmelentine’s Day. Never a huge fan of the holiday. But I’d never let my dislike for a particular day get in the way of the little guy having a fun time!
Heart shaped pancakes for this little Dream Boat!
Jackson and his Valentine’s Day date: Jax+Peppa = ❤️
The Great Escape
I guess this is a normal progression. Kid rolls over… Kid crawls… Kid walks… Kid opens up doors and lets himself out? How long before he grabs the car keys and goes on a joy ride around he neighborhood? I’m surprised he hasn’t he fallen down a full flight of stairs as he begins “exploring” his freedom and independence.
What else do they make to prevent your child from showing off how great of an escape artist he is? We have gates and crates and fences… Do I need to start using chicken wire or putting shock collar on him to prevent him from leaving the yard like Buster and Max? Thank the lord we don’t have any doggie doors in this house otherwose I’m sure he’d squeez his little but through one and run for the hills!
Moral of the story: Kids be crazy. I know my son isn’t the only sneaky one… But this is getting ridiculous.
Are You Not Entertained?!!?!
Are You Not Entertained?!!?
There are books and magazines and articles and blogs that tell you the how tough the parent life is. There’s poop and boogers and doctors appointments with more shots than one person should ever require resulting in tears from not until the end of days. There’s college funds that require you to take out a second mortgage on your house (and that’s just for a state school), there’s having ZERO time to yourself.
I get it. I get it all. But how can you ever think the above outweighs the HOURS upon HOURS of free entertainment that a child provides you.
Remember when visiting a family member in the hospital was a drag… I mean don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with Grammy… She’s pretty much Betty White old lady cool, but hospitals and rehab centers can be a real downer… (Think Adam Sandler’s grandma being forced to sew wallets to sell in Happy Gilmore).
Well, now with a child I have my very own CrossFit competition to keep me entertained… get the kid a walker and set him loose. It’s fun for everyone.
Now I finally have an answer to that question.
Kids: keeping parents entertained since the beginning of time!
Get Out of Jail Free
I’ve realized having a son is and will continue to be one of the most amazing feelings in the world. It’s a joy that doesn’t have an equal. But I’ve also realized a kid will take everything you value, everything you hold dear and hulk smash it on the ground and then, for good measure, pick it up and launch it across the room. It’s a complicated balance of goods and bads. But, the upside is tremendous high.
I’m not referring to how amazing it is to see your son smile when you walk in the door or the cute way they experience new things… What I’m talking about is the lifetime GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card.
As a parent it’s our right to blame every screw up and mistake on them… Case in point…
“I’m not sure how he put a hole in the wall, I left him alone for one second?!!?”
I literally turned around to grab something off the counter and he ripped the radiator off the wall! One of his toys must have gotten stuck underneath it?!!
Don’t Hate the Player 😘
We’ve all been there. You’re batting your eyes and maybe throwing around a wink or two to someone, maybe you’ve even taken it up a notch… You know dared to be different by blowing them a kiss or two.
Jax is now starting to firm up his pick-up moves… He’s got the smile and flirt game of seasoned veteran. All he was missing was the “blow you a kiss” move. And not only does he have that perfected, now he’s blowing double kisses all up in the place…
Don’t hate the player… Hate the game!
PS: Apparently you can google “How to blow a kiss!” I wonder if this is the site where Jax gets all his moves!?!???!
Sorry Sons: Chronicles of a New Dad 