The past few days in the life of “Chronicles of a New Dad” have been a whirlwind of events, emotions and shenanigans. Let’s recap our holiday weekend:
Visit to Uncle Eli’s house… where there seemed to be so much adult fun babies and toddlers everywhere. Oh, how our lives have changed.
July 4th boating trip… apparently the one size fits all tag on the infant life-vest was a little exaggerated, It looked more like one of those blow up sumo suits on Jax than a life vest.
Back to CCMC for more poo tests… the positive: this type of allergy is common and most children outgrown it by one… the negative: we need to watch for bright red blood in the diapers.
Dad set fire to the kitchen… in an attempt to get dinner ready, your good ole New Dad left the toast in the toaster oven about 45 minutes too long. Flames ensued… screams followed!
Where in the parenting handbook do they show you how to properly do all this stuff… I don’t need to know how to mix formula, it says it on the can, all the cute little pictures and quotes they put in the parent guide they send you home from in the hospital took up all the room for the important information like… umm… I don’t know… how to effectively maneuver around toys, tummy time mats, a boppy, other children, bottles and two dogs while attempting to keep the rhythm when rocking the little one to sleep.
Or how about the fact that the parent guide tells you not to leave your child unattended in the bath when they are an infant? REALLY? Do some people need to know that? How about a chapter on POOP and what to look for? I would have been happy with a few paragraphs on how to react when the GI doctor tells you to “Be on the lookout for BLOODY poop!” Are there people out there who don’t think red poop is something worth reporting?
PS: Working fire alarms only count as working fire alarms, if they work when there is an actual fire.
NOTE TO SELF: Replace fire alarms tonight.