Remember when sleep was a thing?
…. me neither.
Tag Archives: sleep
PROJECT BIG BOY ROOM (3rd ATTEMPT)… SUCCESS!!!
The following conversation takes place between 8:07pm and 9:51pm om Tuesday, March 14, 2017. The conversation includes advice from a professional and should not be attempted without the supervision of an adult or caregiver over the age of 18. The following events take place in real time…
Success people… freaking success! FINALLY!!!
Scientific Evidence
There is this theory about lack of sleep. It goes something like, “lack of sleep is horrible.” I’m sure that is a theory based in scientific evidence and data collected over a substantial period of time which was studied by multiple people in across all fields of academia.
I know I can support this theory with first hand evidence. I have the progress monitoring data to show the “horribleness” (a scientific term) of lack of sleep. Scientists and doctors are still studying the cause of this epidemic, but honestly they don’t have to look much further than the basenett five feet from where I’m sitting right now.
WIDE AWAKE… and making squealing noises. There are times I feel like there is a miniature piglet sleeping next to me… So without further adieu I present the evidence of the root cause of “lack of sleep…”
Baby Bane
I don’t understand how it’s so impossible to keep a pacifier in your mouth? He’s laying down on his back and the pacifier still keeps popping out. It’s defying the laws of gravity, which in turn causes screaming and crying.
You know that mask the Bane wears in the Baan comics/movies? Do they have one in pacifier style for babies? I’m quite sure if they don’t, i could invent one…
i would be rich or at least I’d be a lot less tired.
The Quickest ER in town
The hospital is always a scary place to visit. Whether it’s as a visitor or as a patient. Let alone when your the visitor and you’re two year old is the patient.
We had a bit of a scare Saturday morning. He woke up at about 12:30 coughing and wheezing like crazy. But, it was the screaming and crying that was worrisome. It’s panic mode when you can’t get them to stop. After about an hour we were able to calm him down and he fell back asleep, “spread eagle style,” wheezing but sleeping just the same.Then about 2:30 he woke up again and was having trouble breathing with a horrible cough again. The cough seemed to spread deeper in his chest the more worked up he became.
At this point it was hospital or bust. The kid took it like a champ. By the time we were on our way home he was 1 ice pop and 8 mL of steroids. He was happy, I was literally exhausted to the point of no return and he was now pumped full of hyper enduring drugs. Luckily, the energy that spread throughout the house like wildfire, died down just enough for dad and mom to get a quick power nap.
Jurassic Park
That time my kid was sick and finally stopped screaming when he curled up on the dog bed and fell asleep:
“First you bring this smelly thing home. Then you give him all the attention and love. Now he gets my bed?? Screw this, I’m out!!!” -Max the Dog
Try putting a toddler down on a normal night, let alone on a day when he feels like crap. It’s literally an impossible task. I’d rather spend the two hours trying to herd valaceraptors than what I went through getting Jax to bed tonight.
What i assume putting multiple children to bed would be like.
The Cloak of Invisibility
Nothing in this world feels better than tucking you sleeping baby in and giving him a kiss after a long day… Especially when he looks this cute:
😘
PS: ^ Doesn’t he look like he’s wearing Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak?
Museums for Kids
Museums: The place where stuff goes… that would otherwise collect dust… so that people can take pictures. Exciting for the history buff like me… Not so much for a barely pushing two year old… The pristine all too large for the three 17th century vases that are being displayed reverberate with the soft, dead sounds of tourists shuffling and employees yawning.
If it were just me, I’d read the placards and maybe Google some random information that I could pass off as my own to my son so he’d think I was smart. But it’s not just me… There’s a tiny hurricane tagging along with me ready to unleash gale force winds on unsuspecting rare and priceless artifacts.
That being said… Thank the good lord for inventing “Children’s Museums.” Basically an indoor playground with some historical facts posted around random stayed or painting. I’ve learned that you can take any word and put “Children” in front of it and basically means there will be hundreds of desperate parents looking to tire out there little ones. Today we were no different.
With a day off approaching, and sub-zero temperatures making it impossible to even attempt any type of outdoor activities…
Jax and i attempting to get the mail this morning
Therefore it was time to que up the free Lutz Children’s Museum tickets we reviewed as a gift for XMAS. Perfect place for a toddler to spend a quiet morning right? A museum? Enter the Children’s Museum. God’s gift to parents… A place that encourages running, climbing, jumping and screeching (and not just from the barn owl on display in the nature section). All in the name of learning.
He learned sure learned a lot: what a typical town looked like when Teddy Roosevelt was president, what crops were farmed in Connecticut during the late 1700s, why the invention of train was so vital to the development of the United States and also what a rooster looks like
Us parents? We learned a lot too: how many times you can walk up and down the same flight of stairs before wondering why you didn’t bring your own baby gate, how much pressure the glass separating you from the giant boa constrictor can actual take before shattering… Lead you to realize that the sign that says DO NOT BANG ON GLASS is actually something the museum means, how funny it watching your kid “milk” a cow…
… and lastly and probably most importantly we learned taking your child to a Children’s Museum results in one exhausted kid!
Parents 1 – Jackson 7,376
A+ Napping Skills
My kid is A+ napper… (with a smiley face)!!!
Choices
I’ve been so busy lately that I’m not sure what day it is or what the last blog entry I wrote was about. Between starting up a new school year and being a dad and husband… I’m struggling to keep afloat. But though all this there is one constant… Jax is growing up faster and faster each day.
Everytime I turn around this kid is doing something amazing. Feeding himself with a spoon (granted he usually launches it across the room after a bite or two), climbing on the couch all by himself or putting on his own shirt (with some help). I can’t help but feel like I’m missing half his life.
Work, work, work and more work. It’s tough. But I’m trying as hard as I can to make the time I spend with him quality time. Real quality time… Just playing and laughing and asking him questions.
I want to teach him stuff like how to throw a ball (I’m pretty sure he’s going to be a lefty, which will be nice, because baseball always has room for a lefty pitcher), and also teach him how to be a good person and how to make the right choices.
Choices are so important and often so difficult… they can have lasting effects on you and others for the rest of time.
When you get married you think you have the whole decision making thing under control. You think to your self you’ve made decisions on where to get pizza from on a Friday night, or what rugby polo to wear to your ten year high school reunion.
Things back then were so juvenile and meaningless. You think you have a handle on life, but you don’t. You have no idea what it is to screw up… That is… Until you make a mistake or are responsible for an error… you’ll never know what making a real tough decision is.
Early on in my marriage I had a decision to make… A choice… and I screwed it up. Try having to decide on what side of the bed to sleep on. It’s such a HUGE DECISION. This is a completely underrated and unbelievably important decision in every man’s life.
We have a king bed and I somehow sleep on a 1/16 inch section of mattress each night. This leads to the fact that I don’t ever have a clear view of the TV no matter how many pillows I put under my head. A little to the left and I have someone’s big toe in the middle of the screen. A little to the right and and there’s a picture frame and an alarm clock in the way. It’s unreal how a couple of feet (no pun intended) can make a difference.
My kid is gonna make mistakes just like me. I made plenty of mistakes when I was a kid. He’s got my blood in him… It’s expected.
Speaking of mistakes, I still remember the first time I cursed in front of my mom. I can’t remember what I did to piss her off, but she got right in my face about something. I believe I told her to “Get the F outta my face.” I vaguely remember her chasing me around the house with a wooden spoon and whooping my ass. I was at my nan’s house and I decided that was it. I was OUT! So I packed a bag…
I think I put a few Kraft cheese slices and a one toy in my backpack and said… “That’s it… I’M OUT!” Some processed cheese and one toy. And I was out… me and GI Joe… we out. I’m pretty sure i walked around the block and came back when I was hungry… But clearly i have not always made sound decisions in life. But I learned from the ones I made… Good or bad.
Those are the things he’s going to have to figure out and discover on his own. He’ll make decisions, good ones and bad ones. He will make mistakes and he will fail. But I guess that is what makes us stronger and smarter. Problems and mistakes lead to solutions and break throughs… I guess that’s what growing up is all about.
Sorry Sons: Chronicles of a New Dad 