I’ve been so busy lately that I’m not sure what day it is or what the last blog entry I wrote was about. Between starting up a new school year and being a dad and husband… I’m struggling to keep afloat. But though all this there is one constant… Jax is growing up faster and faster each day.
Everytime I turn around this kid is doing something amazing. Feeding himself with a spoon (granted he usually launches it across the room after a bite or two), climbing on the couch all by himself or putting on his own shirt (with some help). I can’t help but feel like I’m missing half his life.
Work, work, work and more work. It’s tough. But I’m trying as hard as I can to make the time I spend with him quality time. Real quality time… Just playing and laughing and asking him questions.
I want to teach him stuff like how to throw a ball (I’m pretty sure he’s going to be a lefty, which will be nice, because baseball always has room for a lefty pitcher), and also teach him how to be a good person and how to make the right choices.
Choices are so important and often so difficult… they can have lasting effects on you and others for the rest of time.
When you get married you think you have the whole decision making thing under control. You think to your self you’ve made decisions on where to get pizza from on a Friday night, or what rugby polo to wear to your ten year high school reunion.
Things back then were so juvenile and meaningless. You think you have a handle on life, but you don’t. You have no idea what it is to screw up… That is… Until you make a mistake or are responsible for an error… you’ll never know what making a real tough decision is.
Early on in my marriage I had a decision to make… A choice… and I screwed it up. Try having to decide on what side of the bed to sleep on. It’s such a HUGE DECISION. This is a completely underrated and unbelievably important decision in every man’s life.
We have a king bed and I somehow sleep on a 1/16 inch section of mattress each night. This leads to the fact that I don’t ever have a clear view of the TV no matter how many pillows I put under my head. A little to the left and I have someone’s big toe in the middle of the screen. A little to the right and and there’s a picture frame and an alarm clock in the way. It’s unreal how a couple of feet (no pun intended) can make a difference.
My kid is gonna make mistakes just like me. I made plenty of mistakes when I was a kid. He’s got my blood in him… It’s expected.
Speaking of mistakes, I still remember the first time I cursed in front of my mom. I can’t remember what I did to piss her off, but she got right in my face about something. I believe I told her to “Get the F outta my face.” I vaguely remember her chasing me around the house with a wooden spoon and whooping my ass. I was at my nan’s house and I decided that was it. I was OUT! So I packed a bag…
I think I put a few Kraft cheese slices and a one toy in my backpack and said… “That’s it… I’M OUT!” Some processed cheese and one toy. And I was out… me and GI Joe… we out. I’m pretty sure i walked around the block and came back when I was hungry… But clearly i have not always made sound decisions in life. But I learned from the ones I made… Good or bad.
Those are the things he’s going to have to figure out and discover on his own. He’ll make decisions, good ones and bad ones. He will make mistakes and he will fail. But I guess that is what makes us stronger and smarter. Problems and mistakes lead to solutions and break throughs… I guess that’s what growing up is all about.