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First Family Vacation 7.26.14. – 8.1.14.

1:45 PM This poor kid. But I guess that’s what you get when your mom packs you 73 outfits, all your swings and chairs and jumpers and bumpers and rumpers… An entire laundry basket… Bassinet, the stand, and ohh yeah… You.

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3:30 our first stop

I never knew what was inside a “family restroom?” There’s so much room for activities!! It’s freaking huge in here. However there is no where to change a kid! Hmm let’s install a “family bathroom”. Make it big enough to house an italian family reunion, but let’s not put a changing table in here. Totally. What are the chances a family w an infant will need to change a baby in here??!!

GET THE F OUTTA HERE with making me change my son on a dirty countertop.

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4:45 Stop Two

What better place to stop and feed a baby than the side of the highway.

By the way, who the hell puts a donation box on the side of the highway? Doesn’t seen like a great way to maximum donations… Right? Maybe Salvation Army knows something we don’t.  Do you Salvation Army…
Do you?

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First time with multiple little people in one house. Interesting.

Nap time sounded like Dueling Banjos.

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Wait so you’re saying that this spider was just itsy bitsy? And the rain came down and washed him out? Then he just came back and climbed that spout again? That’s crazy! #ItsyBitsySpider #WaitWhat #SoYoureSayin

Here cuz check this out… If you shake it it makes noise…
#Cuzzys #SharingIsCaring

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What else do u do at the beach? #SleepForDays #likefatherlikeson

Jax participating in his first mock draft w dad, uncle Mike & uncle Vic. #mrmcgibblets #MockDraft #FantasyFootball #vacation

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Changing a child on vacation happens where ever space can be found. Cape Cod was treated to many “dirty diapies” on the lawn in front of a church in Chatham, on the beach in So. Dennis, in the lobby at Chatham Bars Inn. But I think the biggest bang for our buck came with the “changing on the couch”. That firehose sprayed down the cushions… I’d say about 65,000 gallons a second were produced. That’s just Jax marking his territory. No biggie.

Sadly enough, I highly doubt that’s the grossest thing ever spilled on this couch… And that is how we leave Cape Cod 2014.

 

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Realizing You’re Old

How do you know you’re a new parent? When you fall asleep outside of a TCBY at 4:10 PM.

Get Home… Finally get him to sleep and then… JAX is in a blacked out sleep. Has been for 30 mins. Then just screams bloody murder… like someone was stabbing him… 2 piercingly loud screams and then immediately fell back asleep. Is that normal?

Literally have never felt so helpless in my life. Totally want to hug him and tell him mommy and I are here… But then again I don’t want to wake the dragon.

Love you little man.

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Nights Gone Bye

As I sit here writing this I think back to the nights I was getting 15 minutes of consecutive sleep at a time and can not believe how far we’ve come. people would always say, “Ohh don’t worry he’ll sleep more when he’s older…blah, blah blahhhhhhh.”

Now we’re up maybe twice a night (well Steph is) apparently I could sleep through the apocalypse. The point I’m trying to make is how bananas it is that he’s not this tiny little blob anymore. He a little chunk who is growing up. Jax, mom and I need you not grow up so fast because we are really enjoying this baby thing right now.

PS: In response to an earlier point I made, I would like to mention that telling parents of a newborn that their baby will sleep more as they grow up is like telling Landon Donovan the national team played great this year. No one wants to hear it. I can’t get my beauty sleep on future hopes and broken promises. I mean really, thanks for the tip Dr Oz. But right now all I can think about is when I can say I need to go poop so I can sneak in my next 10 minutes of shut eye.

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1st Swim

Jax first time in the pool #Aquaman #NotHappy

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#UncleDupree #BabyWhisperer

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Swim Champ and His Camera

So yesterday was a momentous occasion for Jax… It was his first time in the pool. He was not happy. It was a tough occasion for the little guy, but luckily mom and dad were there to capture it step by screaming step! It was a cool family moment for (everyone) mom and dad. So cleary we can cross Olympic swimmer off the list of possible scholarship possibilities.

When did we become the parents who take photos and video record all the “firsts”? It’s not like we sit here and document his every move of every second of every day? (Insert sarcastic laugh here).

Hopefully none of this comes back to haunt him when he’s running for president later in life. I can’t imagine if there were camera phones when I was growing up. There would be so many ridiculous images of me that I’d be so embarrassed of… Flash dance? My toy box/superman jump and resulting scar? The infamous curling iron incident on Bethpage Dr? Jax, I know you’re going to be so pissed when I give your future girlfriend the link to this blog! I know I would

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Mr. McGibblets

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Another awesome day at home with this little monster. Yes you fell asleep planking across mom’s belly, yes you spit up on yourself and we wiped it up with your shirt you were wearing (didn’t I write something a couple of months ago about not going out with out the diaper bag?), yes you might have inadvertently eaten a clam, and yes there’s a chance you were shoved into clothes that didn’t fit so the person who bought them could see you in them… But it was an AWESOME day none-the-less.

PS- Does that chair Jax is sitting in look like Mr. McGibblets from the league?!!???

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Reality TV and a Mirror

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So almost 3 months in and we finally set up the baby monitor. This thing has more options than my car. Temperature gauge, rotating camera, you can talk through it, play music, order take out… It’s great!

How in the world did we wait this long to set this thing up? Three months? How could two parents be so stupid? This thing is the SINGLE GREATEST reality television known to man. How baby cams aren’t on Lifetime or the ENetwork is beyond me.

I’m putting in a call to the executives over there this week, because watching Jax attempt to get to sleep is “must see TV” in this house hold.

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This picture is my favorite so far! Kid loves looking at himself and you know what, I don’t blame with a face like that he’s gonna be a heartbreaker. #LikeFatherLikeSon #Reflection #TummyTime #HandsomeDevil #LovesThatMirror

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Busy Weekend

The past few days in the life of “Chronicles of a New Dad” have been a whirlwind of events, emotions and shenanigans.  Let’s recap our holiday weekend:

Visit to Uncle Eli’s house… where there seemed to be so much adult fun babies and toddlers everywhere.  Oh, how our lives have changed.

July 4th boating trip… apparently the one size fits all tag on the infant life-vest was a little exaggerated, It looked more like one of those blow up sumo suits on Jax than a life vest.

Back to CCMC for more poo tests… the positive: this type of allergy is common and most children outgrown it by one… the negative: we need to watch for bright red blood in the diapers.

Dad set fire to the kitchen… in an attempt to get dinner ready, your good ole New Dad left the toast in the toaster oven about 45 minutes too long.  Flames ensued… screams followed!

Where in the parenting handbook do they show you how to properly do all this stuff… I don’t need to know how to mix formula, it says it on the can, all the cute little pictures and quotes they put in the parent guide they send you home from in the hospital took up all the room for the important information like… umm… I don’t know… how to effectively maneuver around toys, tummy time mats, a boppy, other children, bottles and two dogs while attempting to keep the rhythm when rocking the little one to sleep.

Or how about the fact that the parent guide tells you not to leave your child unattended in the bath when they are an infant?  REALLY?  Do some people need to know that?  How about a chapter on POOP and what to look for?  I would have been happy with a few paragraphs on how to react when the GI doctor tells you to “Be on the lookout for BLOODY poop!”  Are there people out there who don’t think red poop is something worth reporting?   

PS:  Working fire alarms only count as working fire alarms, if they work when there is an actual fire.

NOTE TO SELF: Replace fire alarms tonight.