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The Christmas Detective 🌲


Were those reindeer hooves pounding on the roof?  I’m awake now and realize I’m screwed…

As I lay there sweating in my boxers and tank top my mind raced with images of the unassembled VTech race track and Peppa Pig’s Train my heart suddenly stops as I realized the countless hours of construction that were ahead of me.  Santa decided he’d wait until Christmas morning to put everything together.
Suddenly I snap completely awake, look out the window, and see a glimmer of sunlight on the horizon.

“Holy eggnog… It’s Christmas morning!”  As an aside… Egg nog sucks. Who says “Man I’m thirsty. I want to drink something that tastes like eggs and looks like… well I’ll leave that up to your imagination, but it looks disgusting. I’ve heard many arguments from Steph for why eggnog is the perfect holiday drink… “It’s a Christmas tradition.” So is going to midnight mass… Anyone go to midnight mass lately?… Didn’t think so. Then there’s the worst argument of all… “You can get wasted off eggnog”… You know what else you can get wasted off of? Any other liquid on the planet if you add alcohol to it.  

But I digress… Let the merry mayhem commence.

 Everyone is up and it’s time for “some assembly required.”  Regardless of navigating poorly-written instructions and realizing I have 17 left over pieces when I was done putting everything together… there are few things more satisfying than watching your kid tear into his gifts, wide-eyed with wonder and joy.

You work hard to provide for your family and it feels good to make your kid happy. However, as I sat with a cup of coffee and surveyed the the damage from countless opened boxes and enough wrapping paper to wallpaper my house I realize 15 family members are about to Cousin Eddie my Christmas Vacation. We all know XMAS can get a little chaotic. So it’s  all about keeping the crazy under wraps… And that my friends is a fine art.


This year we decided to forgo a Christmas tradition (unbeknownst to me)… No presents for everyone. We were moving towards the 21st century gift giving event: The Secret Santa. I was not happy, but decided to play along (I had no choice) and I was like a soldier on a mission, and I will not be denied.

For today I am out to hunt the most elusive and fantastic of all the beasts in the world (Just call me Newt Scamander… Harry Potter reference anyone?!!). . .

Today I will find my Secret Santa.

As my family begins to filter into the house, the AC is pumping on high like its a mid-August afternoon (Mind you its 73 degree this Christmas Day) and I begin to get suspicious. My sister chooses that very moment to walk past me and I find myself forced to put on an sly smile, gesturing half-heartedly with the empty mug in one hand. It irks me to have to resort to such measures: pretending to get a refill from the Keurig just for an excuse to stake out the kitchen where most of the family is beginning to congregate.

I had no choice to stalk out these people. I had to get myself amped up somehow for this Christmas tragedy they called Secret Santa.

Maybe a little background here would be useful. When I was first exposed to this concept a few years at school, I’ll admit I was rather intrigued. I thought it might be cool to see what kind of things people in my office thought I might like. I mean it can’t be that hard to figure out a Green Bay Packers keychain or Harry Potter bumper sticker would be perfect. Then I realized I, the ultimate gift giver would be able to uncover some secret about the person I’d be buying for would be amazing. This whole thing became a strangely exhilarating experience.  

That was until Secret Santa invaded my house… Bah Humbug.

But either way here we are… And I will find this person responsible for my gifts this year. I stalked my prey. Walked in and out of gifts… Shook a few with my name on them and even tried to get Jax to do some spying for me. Too bad he was surrounded by a Toys-R-Us warehouse-like present pile. I knew at that point I was on my own.

Here’s the thing… This story doesn’t have a great ending. As a matter of fact it’s sort of boring… Somewhere in between cleaning 21 pounds of turkey off the floor and pouring my eighth glass of wine I gave up on my quest. I just couldn’t invest the time I thought I was willing to invest. I had to believe the person who was evading me like I was Tom Hanks and they were Leonardo DiCaprio would reveal themselves in the end. (I guess in all reality that’s the point of this Secret Santa mess isn’t it?!!)

 It was then I looked over at Jax who was getting comfy in his new recliner and I set myself to what Christmas is really about… Enjoying my son’s reaction as he unwrapped toy after toy after toy.

PS: Secret Santa is now OK in my book!     

 
Thanks Aunt Sandy… (I mean Santa)!!!

So that ends another Christmas Day… Another fun filled family event and another day that I was able to enjoy my son as he happily played with his presents. I hope everyone else had a very Merry Christmas… And I hope the mayhem was manageable, the smiles were wide, and the laughter was loud. 


  
    
  
  

  

  

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The Doctor’s Office Christmas Shop

So exactly a year to the day of not having any XMAS shopping done and here I sit again with so much crap to do (only I write this time from a chair in a walk in clinic waiting room since I still can’t shake this cough caused by my self-diagnosed Ebola issues). 

Last year I was panicking from inside a sardine packed Target store… Now I’m panicking inside a packed doctors office… Which has signs posted warning other humans of my contagiousness:     

  The dirty looks people are giving me as I cough up my insides resemble what a mall Santa might look like if I say on his lap and asked for a back rub. Shit is getting weird in here right now… I’m pretty sure someone just asked if the CDC is open on XMAS.  

As I sit here, I’m wondering why this doctors’ office can’t give out stickers that let others know I actually don’t have an infectious disease like CCMC used to do for me during my daily visits last year… “No ma’am I haven’t traveled outside the United States since yesterday afternoon.”   

Here’s the issue… Ebola or not… I need to get some damn shopping done… STAT!  Santa has a lot going on this year.  I can’t sit around and rely on him to fulfill everyone’s list this year.  I gotta get out there and get some things for people.  I wish there was a gift shop here so I could get the rest of my shopping done.  I mean everyone would probably love one of those hospital teddy bears and helium filled heart balloons right?    

 Since that’s not happening let’s all thank the the Christmas miracle of Amazon.com… Let’s just hope Santa doesn’t mind stopping in Hoboken (I think that’s where Amazin’s where house is located) for a last minute overnight delivery pickup.  
For a reminder at last years idiotic XMAS Eve debockle shopping experience click here:  https://newdadchronicles.wordpress.com/2014/12/24/december-24th-time-to-start-xmas-shopping/Dec 24th, 2015 XMAS Shopping

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Jax First Day of “School”

  
Here I am. Here we are. Your first day of school (daycare) is today. I’ve spent the past 20 months doing everything, but thinking about not having you in the care of your mom, myself or gram during the day. I took for granted the fact that you never had to leave our family ever. Until today…  

I spent forever worrying about you going to school and how to keep you safe when you weren’t with me and writing about that, that I didn’t see how fast the time was actually going!

When we started looking for daycare sites over the summer, I was a little nervous, but thought it would be good for both you, mom and I because, I figured it would make our hectic schedules a bit easier to navigate… you know get some errands done and even be able to stay a bit later at work some nights to get things finished up. As much as I’d like to relish in the free time I’ll now have since my little guy, wait, I mean, I guess I have to say my big boy, is headed to school– Its more so of feeling empty inside with a tinge of guilt.

Did I spend as much time as I wanted to with you?

Did I savor all the precious moments?

Will I regret wishing some of the days away?

Where did the time go?

Maybe I’m not ready to send you off into the world — just yet.

Wasn’t it just yesterday that I woke up on the most uncomfortable faux leather recliner ever constructed when I realized that my life would never be the same… in a good way? I sat, slightly scared, but mostly in awe of the most beautiful little boy I’d ever seen. I was looking into your eyes for the first time and making a promise that I’d always take care of you, and love you unconditionally. You squeezed my finger, just my pointer, with your entire tiny hand. You held it like it was the only thing holding you from floating away. I laughed like crazy when you would laugh, and helped you up each time you fell when learning to walk.

Now, here I am walking you into your first classroom. Saying hello to your first teacher, telling you I love you and That I would miss you all day. Has it really been almost two years since I told Uncle Dupree that Steph had a stomach ache and we were going to the walk-in clinic down the road (meaning you were about to be born)? How did this happen, already?

I tiptoed into your room early this morning and there were so many things I wanted to say to you. Things I know I’ve probably whispered to you a million times while I rocked you to sleep and  already covered in the many blogs I’ve written leading up to this day, but by this point you know me and you know there isn’t a chance I would let this moment go by with out telling you again.  Just incase you’re anything like me and need things repeated 15 times before you “really” hear them. 

1. It sucks being the new kid (even if you’re to young to care).  I know what it’s like trying to fit in… So don’t try to fit in.  Be you.  Be a leader NOT a follower. 

2.  You are going to struggle… A LOT! We’ve done everything for you. Sometimes to a fault. You are going to have to try to do things for yourself and it’s going to be hard.  You ARE going to fail. But when you do, pick yourself back up and try again. Don’t ever give up on yourself.  

3. This is all going to be new, and scary and unfamiliar. That’s normal. That’s the circle of life.  But each day you will become more comfortable in your surroundings. And when you are finally comfortable… look to help the next new person.  You have no idea how much a smile and helping hand means to someone.  

4. I want to tell you how torn I am between wanting to keep you close to me ⭐️⭐️⭐️ALWAYS⭐️⭐️⭐️. Torn between keeping you so close that I know you can never be hurt… and wanting you to have new experiences and see the diversity the world has to offer, because I can’t provide you with that by myself.

5. I want to tell you how I prayed last night that everyone who meets you, teachers, parents and peers will see you as your mother and I see you… Intelligent, caring, inquisitive, funny and creative.  I hope you always see yourself as I do too.  
Most importantly… I wanted to say: I love you… And… Please stop growing up so fast. 

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1st Day was a success!   
    
    

 
    

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In Difficult Times

As Jax begins a tough week (tougher for me then for him probably) I hope he knows that life isn’t always fair… But as Dumblefore once said, “It is our choices, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

Our entire lives we are lead to believe there is a reason that things happen the way they do, or that someone else is pulling the strings. That fate holds our lives close and dangles, what we think we want in front of us, only to pull it away like its a whimsical children’s game to be played when we are bored.  

The problem with fate is that if we believe we are being controlled by an outside force then we are conceding that we are actually not in control of our own destiny. I refuse to believe that we do not have a say in how our lives turn out. Saying that something happens for a reason or that “it is what it is” is a cop out for the weak of heart and for those who underestimate the value and worth of what ever it was they are chasing. It is the characteristic of the strong man that he can bring momentous issues to the forefront and make a decision about them. The weak are always forced to decide between alternatives they have not chosen themselves.

Nothing in life is perfect, and nothing in life is ever going to follow the path that was cut by thoughts and ideas, but the things that are meaningful are worth working for, no matter what other say or the obstacles that stand in the way. The obstacles, that like an iceberg at the surface, seem simple to navigate, but are much deeper and can sink even the most sturdy ship. 

But it’s the destination that makes every icy ocean, every complicated situation worth it in the end. They say all those who wonder are not lost… But then it can also be said not all those who are lost wonder. Once what you have is worth fighting for then it’s not about how you get to the point you want to be at… It’s about making sure that you do get there that matters. 

Sometimes you have to take the harder path to make it to safety, and sometimes the path of least resistance is not always the best way to travel.   

✌🏼️

😘

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Santa is a Pretty a Patient Guy

Has anyone else ever run out of gas while actually driving their car before? Just asking… for a friend… 

There is nothing worse than knowing you are going to be late to something that you have known about for two months… unless you’re late because your car runs out of gas on the side of the highway on the way to the Polar Express steam train so your 20 month old can meet Santa.

First off… who the hell runs out of gas? Its 2015… why do we even have to use gas… RIDICULOUS! I’m an idiot… I’m an idiot I’m an idiot… nothing else can be said here except I’m an idiot. How does an educated human being let their car run out of gas… how does anything with a brain allow their car to run out of gas.

Let me set the scene: Ten adults and one 20 month old child flying down Rte 9 with little more than a few minutes to spare to change said 20 month old into his Christmas jammies for the train ride of a life time. Four different cars race to be the first to reach the Polar Express in which full size elves named Shumcky and Sniffles will serve sweets to an infant for over an hour.

Then there is the one guy who can pull this all together… the one guy who has enough holiday spirit to overcome angry adults, annoying elves, a train hotter than Hades’ butthole and a 20 month old all hopped up on hot chocolate and cookies.

That feeling when you know you are an idiot

 

Unfortunately that one guy was me and I was coasting on the shoulder of the highway inching closer to my metaphorical untimely death.  It was over. I could see my life flash before my eyes.  If it wasn’t the wife who would end life, it would be the guys who would relentlessly mock me to death for being he first person since that annoying dashboard gaslight was invented to ever actually run out of gas.

Sitting on the side of the road allowed me plenty of time to reflect on the error of my way.   One that I hope my son will learn early on in life… You will never be right…  Stop and get gas – Be late for the train= WRONG MOVE!  Don’t stop for gas – Run out of gas= WRONG MOVE!

Stopping when I knew my gas tank was on empty would have probably solved all my issues here… But I digress.. All in all the kid had a great time and even got to tell Santa what he wanted for Christmas… A few gallons of gas for dad.  

 

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Jax’ Tattoo

  
As a guy who enjoys tattoos and also a guys who enjoys having a son… I’ve been wanting to get some ink done to represent Jax for a while now.  I decide on a meaningful representation of a father and son taken from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows short story The Tale of the Three Brothers. 
  
The story revolves around three wizard brothers who once conquered death for a short time by defeating a deadly obstacle with their magic. The personification of Death appeared out of anger because he felt that they had cheated him, but pretended to congratulate them by awarding them gifts of their choosing: The Elder Wand, The Resurrection Stone and the Invisibility Cloak. Two of the three brothers wished to conquer Death beyond what they had done already, and foolishly chose their gifts accordingly, leading to their early demise. The third brother was wiser, and hid under the Invisibility Cloak that allowed him to postpone death until he was ready; he lifted the veil that had helped him to evade the afterlife and was welcomed by Death.

The story’s moral is that you should live life for the right reasons: love and those you love.  Greed will lead to unhappiness and you will die without having enjoyed what means the most to you, as the power-hungry Antioch Peverell asked for a wand more powerful than any in existence and he was the first to die. Cadmus was also greedy but not as much as Antioch, he was the second brother to die. But the youngest brother who was a humble man asked for a thing that he could use to live a long and happy life.  One in which he was allowed to see his child grow. And thus because of this he attained a great age and passed The Cloak of Invisibility to his son.

Ignotus preferred a rather joyful, peaceful life, unlike his brothers. As such, he lived for several years with no quarrels or worries and raised a family. Ignotus saw to it that the very last thing he did in his life was pass the cloak on to his son, guaranteeing that his future descendants could live long happy lives as he had, and when he finally left the mortal world with Death, Ignotus had no regrets. 

I was happy to get a tattoo representing a moment that every father dreams of… Passing down something (knowledge, skill, an invisibility cloak) to their child which will ensure he will live long, happy and successful live.  

   
    
   Thx to Nycci at the Inkwell for doing such great work!
  
The Tale of the Three Brothers (HD Video)

My other HP tats: 

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*The Future*

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I’m sitting here not knowing what the future holds.  I’m all about planning out every stage of every minute of every day… from now until the day I cannot anymore.  The problem here is that you cannot plan every single thing in life.  With this life we aren’t given the luxury of knowing everything that will happen in the future.

It may be difficult to know exactly how you got into a particular situation. Some are honest enough with themselves to they know step-by-step how everything came to be as it is now… me…  I’m a pretty confident guy… Not cocky… But confident.  I try to be funny… But mostly I’m awkward.  I’m painfully honest sometimes to a fault.  I say things on this blog and wonder if I might regret (or at least my son might regret) in later years.

I talk about decisions on here all the time.  Jax won’t eat dinner; do I try to give him something else? Do I send Jax to daycare?  Do I call the doctor because I’ve been coughing up my insides since last Tuesday (I think I have Ebola https://newdadchronicles.wordpress.com/2014/10/17/your-move-ebola/)?  It’s so insane to think that you are in charge of someone else’s life when you struggle to be in charge of your own.

Parenting is the worst freaking job in the world. There’s NEVER a time you aren’t worried about making the wrong choice… the thing is though… worrying that you have to make a choice at least means you are in a position to make a choice. Having the opportunity to choose where you go in life is one of our greatest freedoms.  We don’t have people telling us what to do or where to go.  Then again, I guess when you still poop your pants and need someone to cut up your meals for you… you really don’t have the opportunity to make too many of your own decisions, but at least you have someone with reasonable intelligence making them for you (sometimes).

I hope I am making the right decisions for everyone, because I am constantly weighing pros and cons and continue to wonder which way to turn.  Then all of a sudden, there’s a moment of clarity, even if it just for a second, you know what you are going do and why you going to do it.

The problem is… sometimes you then have to wait for someone else’s decision to be made before you can see what the future holds…

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‘Tis the Season

  
3 hours, 154 broken ornaments, 14 half working strings of lights, 4 band aids later and I’m still less pissed off than my 19 month old bc he isn’t allowed to throw his toys inside the Christmas tree.   

 Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! 🎄  

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J.O.Y. = Joke’s On You

JOY… Christmas pictures w a 19month old… I wouldn’t say JOY is a good descriptor for this event…

Things come and go… Material possessions get used up and tossed to the side like a unwanted toy after a toddler is no longer interested.  …but memories… They last a life time.  The ones that are the strongest stay ingrained in your mind long after the memory has become just that… a memory.

Days like today are exactly the ones that imprint on your soul.  Today’s memory is one that should be playing on repeat in the deepest depths of hell!  Christmas card photos with a sick child who wanted absolutely nothing to do with a camera, or dress clothes, or a tie, or sneakers, or decorations… Really he wanted nothing to do with human interaction If we’re being honest.

Asking an almost two year old to sit nicely and smile is like asking Donald Trump to not make faces at other candidates during a debate. Trying to corral this menace to society yesterday as we switched backgrounds and outfits was like trying to hold smoke in your hand.

That’s where the expertise and patience of a real photographer comes in handy… STACI MILLER is amazing… She knew exactly what to say to calm the nerves, was able to sweet talk her way to get her shot and worked magic like always.  And that was just with me… She was great with Jax too!

Besides watching every episode of Peppa Pig and Small Potatoes to try to get a smile out of a tired cranky toddler, we broke half of Staci’s Christmas ornaments and using a pizza box as a prop… We also wound up avoiding needing a tetanus shot thanks to some quick thinking!

With a cloud of uncertainty surrounded the outcome of these pix, I am highly confident in Staci’s ability to work magic with photoshop as always!

JOY = Joke’s On You if you look at these pictures and think they were done with ease!