*The Future*

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I’m sitting here not knowing what the future holds.  I’m all about planning out every stage of every minute of every day… from now until the day I cannot anymore.  The problem here is that you cannot plan every single thing in life.  With this life we aren’t given the luxury of knowing everything that will happen in the future.

It may be difficult to know exactly how you got into a particular situation. Some are honest enough with themselves to they know step-by-step how everything came to be as it is now… me…  I’m a pretty confident guy… Not cocky… But confident.  I try to be funny… But mostly I’m awkward.  I’m painfully honest sometimes to a fault.  I say things on this blog and wonder if I might regret (or at least my son might regret) in later years.

I talk about decisions on here all the time.  Jax won’t eat dinner; do I try to give him something else? Do I send Jax to daycare?  Do I call the doctor because I’ve been coughing up my insides since last Tuesday (I think I have Ebola https://newdadchronicles.wordpress.com/2014/10/17/your-move-ebola/)?  It’s so insane to think that you are in charge of someone else’s life when you struggle to be in charge of your own.

Parenting is the worst freaking job in the world. There’s NEVER a time you aren’t worried about making the wrong choice… the thing is though… worrying that you have to make a choice at least means you are in a position to make a choice. Having the opportunity to choose where you go in life is one of our greatest freedoms.  We don’t have people telling us what to do or where to go.  Then again, I guess when you still poop your pants and need someone to cut up your meals for you… you really don’t have the opportunity to make too many of your own decisions, but at least you have someone with reasonable intelligence making them for you (sometimes).

I hope I am making the right decisions for everyone, because I am constantly weighing pros and cons and continue to wonder which way to turn.  Then all of a sudden, there’s a moment of clarity, even if it just for a second, you know what you are going do and why you going to do it.

The problem is… sometimes you then have to wait for someone else’s decision to be made before you can see what the future holds…

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