Author Archives: Peter

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Philosophical Reasoning

There are times where I get confused about what this blog is or has become… I feel like its part stand-up comedy, part the beginning-stages as to why my son will need therapy when he is an adult, or maybe just part therapy for me… I don’t really know if I have an answer for that, at least not right now… not at this particular instant as I write.

I do know that I try  to read other blogs out there and notice that other people are out there going through the same things I am… whether it’s a question about growth and development or concerns regarding my parenting ability… or even the more philosophical question of… WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?!!!  I’ll read about the problems of other people and I think to myself, “wow… that’s tough, and I think I have problems?!!!”  But the thing is… why do my problems have to be less than someone else’s to be important?

I take time every day to make sure I am doing EVERYTHING I can to help support the social/emotional and academic growth of the students in my school.  I see the barriers and the hurdles that they have to get over in various degrees.  I think about how would I feel if this little person was Jackson… how would he handle it, how would I handle it?

I get very little insight into what he knows about what is going on around him.  How aware or intuitive is he about what I might be going through or even what he is going through?  Is it OK for him to see me upset… Does he understand (I know understand is not the right word) about death and loss?  What does he think when mom and dad are arguing, or Buster and Max are getting yelled at for eating a bowl of string beans off the kitchen table?

I also wonder about when we leave him for the day or even for a little while… if I am walking out the door to head to work or the gym does he think I am never coming back?  But how do I fix something like that? I mean one day we all leave and don’t come back.  Does that mean we care less about our loved ones… we know the answer is unequivocally NO…but how do you convey that to a 19 month old?

I don’t think I’ll ever have the answer to any of life’s philosophical questions… I can barely answer questions about how my day has been… I guess the trick is to find something to distract you from trying to figure out the things you cannot control, or the things you cannot possibly have the answer to… whether it is your child, or the one you love, or just the person you love being around.

Finding something that brings you joy is not wasted time. It’s needed time.

And for a moment, I forget.

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My Best… and My Worst

Dear Jackson,
I have noticed lately that I am beginning to have more Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde moments than normal. I seemingly have been more cranky of late than in months past. I’ve been able to narrow my more productive and more cranky type moods down to a few particular parts of the week:

Here for your entertainment is an my opinionated reflection on trends I’ve noticed in our life these days. I present to you my top three best and worst times of the week for excellence or awfulness in parenting. 

#3 At My Best: 7:30 AM Saturdays

This is my parenting sweet spot. I’ve either slept enough to have some sort of alertness or drank enough coffee to fend off a zombie state. If something great is going to happen it is usually right now.  

#3 At My Worst: 1:00 – 4:00 PM WEEKDAYS: ALWAYS

I barely lose my cool… I’m not someone who is short on patience (😁 ehhhhhh). But weekdays for about this three hour period im usually short fused and highly aggravated. I’ve been running around putting fires out all day at school, filling in for paraprofessionals who didn’t call in for a substitute and also getting 17,000 texts from your mother asking if I remembered to call the water company or order a new debit card (all of which I forgot to do). At this point there is no reason to even call me a parent. I’m too far down the rabbit hole at work to make any type of logical parenting decision. Whether it be VIA phone or text, I am incapable of having the mental competency to form a thought around anything but EIP meetings and school climate surveys. 

#2 At My Best: 5:00 PM Weekdays. 

This is the bread and butter of my parenting these days. I have had an hour or so ride home to decompress from an insane day and get home just in time to change out of my (as Justin would say)… Suit and tie and put on my Dad Uniform (running shorts and a wifey). You have big ideas for what we might accomplish during this uninterrupted dad/son time… usually consisting of some sick dance moves to Huey Lewis and the News on Pandora or throwing your cars down the slide which somehow now resides directly in the middle of the kitchen floor. Doesn’t matter what it is though, because it’s been a long day, and I’m ready for dad duty.  

#2 At My Worst: Deadline O’clock. 

There can’t be a worse time to be patient when you realize you have mere hours to complete something you’ve been meaning to complete for days. You can hear the clock from 24 counting down on you as you realize you still have to get something together for lunch, change a diaper and let the dogs out. There is nothing like the laser like focus of having 10 minutes to get something done to destroy all parenting skills. There’s no time for fooling around… No time to make sure your son isn’t playing in the toilet or breaking free from his prison gates that are set up all over the house. There no baby monitor or peripheral vision that can save you from the parenting nightmare known as a “deadline.”

#1 At My Best: Teachable Moment Time

When you do that “turn your head to the side a little and squint your eyes” look (which is the one time you look exactly like me)… Is when I’m at my most creative. Maybe it’s the teacher in me or maybe that’s like some innate parenting quality that is just there for when you need it. Inquisitive minds call for quick thinking and having some general knowledge of many things (by general knowledge I mean I can generally make stuff up and you won’t know the difference anyway). Either that or I just let you put it in your mouth and spit it out when you realize that muddy leaves taste like crap! 

#1 At My Worst: 3:00-5:00 PM Sunday. 

This is where I come to appreciate the amazing patience of being a parent. By this point I’ve gone to the gym, done countless hours of yard work and I’ve been with you all day. I’m almost through the first set of NFL GAMES and by now the first few beer have worn off and I’m feigning for a late afternoon cup of coffee. I’m either cursing our bad playing calling by Mike McCarthy and the Packers offense or counting tenths of points to see what percentage chance I have of winning at least one of my four fantasy football league match ups. (Mind you I’m playing against the same guys that I have on at least one of my other teams in my other league… You just can’t win.). Late Sunday afternoon is a parenting dead zone. I’m tired, you’re tired, and I’m pretty sure everyone is a bit sick of each other. Bath, book and bed time can’t come soon enough for everyone!

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Just Put it in Your Mouth!

This kid has eaten anything and everything in his path for like 17 months.  Now all of a sudden he wants nothing to do with anything that is put in front of him?!!!

What is going on here… And has this finally paved the way for me to sing completely inappropriate songs in order to get my son to eat a simple meal?

The answer to that question… YES IT HAS:

Dinners around here involves dodging forks and sweet potatoes at a rate of speed even Vince Vaughn would be proud of.

 


 

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Leaves are the Devil

I literally hate raking leaves… Like I literally would rather do about 25,000 things besides rake leaves.  I love everything about yard work, building stone walls… Mowing the lawn… Laying brick walkways… But I can not say that there is anything I enjoy less than raking leaves.

See that is what brings me here… Where I am today… With a son.  I had a son and I thought it would make life easier.  You know, have a son and make him do chores and pretty much do all the yard work and stuff.

Ummmm… Someone explain to me the logistics of the child labor laws… Because I’ve been out here three hours and Jax is sleeping still. 🍁🍁🍂🍁 

I’m pretty angry at this point. I hate leaves and I hate the fact that I have 476,976,087 leaves to pick up by myself.  I hate it so bad that I made a list of things I’d rather do than rake leaves…

1. Tell a kindergarten class that Santa put them on the naughty list.

2. Clean the gum under every desk in my school.

3. Count how many steps it takes to walk the Great Wall of China while someone skip counts next to me.

4. Read “50 Shades of Grey” to my grandma.

5. Sit front row at a Clay Aiken concert.

6. Throw away a perfectly good leftover pizza.

7. Watch “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and take a shot every time Kim takes a selfie.

8. Be a bathroom attendant at a bar downtown.

9. Swim in a pool before waiting 30 minutes after eating.

10. Tell a group of sorority girls that Starbuck’s no longer sells Pumpkin Spice Lattes.

11. Listen to an audio version of The Great Gatspy narrated by Fran Drescher.

12. Accept invitations to play Facebook games

13. Talk to a telemarketer

14. Sit in traffic for 13 hours after drinking

15. Walk barefoot over a pile of Legos.

… It’s too bad I actually had to actually clean up all these damn leaves.  Like pick everyone up by hand… By myself… DAMN IT!

…19 hours later and all he’s doing is playing around. #GetToWork #ThatLaughThough…

Insane amount of leaves out there today. Too many to count. Too many to even think about doing by myself… Then again I might as well just hire someone. You know also bc my son isn’t going to do much out here.

… Well I better get back to work… At least one of us is having fun out here…

  

 Jax and I when “we” started picking up leaves this morning

 

Jax and I when “we” finished picking up the leaves tonight

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Daycare Don’t Care

  

Little man at his day care intake. (Anyone else get the feeling that this picture is previewing some Godfather type stuff!?!!  He looks like he’s checking in with his cappos.). #GrahamCrackersForDays #SnackTime #SnackTimeAllTheTime #DayCare​ #DaycareGodfather #JacksonSoprano

I guess it was inevitable… Day care starts in a few weeks.  Today was his “entrance interview.”  He had fun… The teachers were nice, and the graham crackers were tasty. Guess my little guy isn’t so little anymore.  

   
 

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What I Want You to Know

As we consider the possibility of sending Jackson to daycare here the four questions that were asked of us:

What are the 3 things you want your child to learn from our center:  Compassion, inquiry, problem solving

What are your child’s favorite things: His Blankie and his brothers Buster and Max

What is the one thing about your child we should know?:   He probably won’t ever know who takes care of him when he is 19 months old… He might not remember you by name… But he will remember you none the less. He will remember how you act, your body language and the tone of your voice. He won’t ever forget how you make him feel. 

What do you expect from your child care center? Communication, Positive role models, and not sending him home with the wrong parent

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Decisions

You know it’s funny… All of our friends are starting to have kids and/or already have kids and we joke around and pretend that when they grow up they’re going to get married. We say things like we’re going to arrange their marriage or we sit here and take all these cute pictures of them.   

But the scary thing is at some point these kids are going to grow up and have to start make decisions on their own. It’s so insane how every single small decision you make in your life can literally have consequences and/or a ripple effect throughout time. How do you teach a child the fact that something he does when he’s seven years old, or 18 years old, or 27 years old, or 35 years old can have a lasting effect on not only him but everyone else he comes in contact with?  How do you teach that to a child who right now would literally eat a Lego for dinner if I let him? 

You want nothing but the best for your children and you want to help guide them so that they make the best possible decisions in their life. But how do you do that when you’re not sure about your own decisions in your own life? How do you help a child through the inquiry process that is life? How do you help a child figure out that trial and error is not always the easiest way and it’s not always going to help you get the answer that you really want?  

I want to solve problems for him. I want to help him find the right puzzle piece. I want to help him turn the pages of the book when he struggles with his fine motor skills. I want to help him turn on a toy when he can’t figure out where the on/off switch is.

The thing is I’m an educator and I understand that you’re not always supposed to find the right answer… sometimes you’re supposed to find the way to the right answer. But how do you do that? How do you exactly work on the process of getting to the right decision when you’re not sure what the right decision is?

How do I decide if he should go to daycare or if I should home school him? How do I decide when something is wrong and I should contact my pediatrician? How do I decide when it’s just something developmental as opposed to something he’s actually struggling with? Where do you draw the line? where do you decide that you actually can’t make an educated decision because you’re too involved in the actual situation?

I feel like I have the knowledge and experiences to make these kind of decisions in the best interest of everyone involved but I struggle to actually “pull the trigger.” Where does experience, knowledge and book smarts stop and your heart take over? When you know something may really be wrong and you know what the right decision has to be, but you feel like you can’t actually do it?

Sometimes people say the best way to figure out what to do is to take a chance… do things that you think might bring on the best results… take a chance even though it might be against what other people are saying… do the things that deep down you know are the right things to do.  

Being a parent sucks… you know why it sucks… because I can’t even make decisions for myself and I’ve had 36 years of experience in knowing what I like and what I don’t like… what works and what doesn’t work… And I still literally can’t make a decision on the most absolutely ridiculously, simplest things in life… “Do I want the dress shirt that has thin purple stripes or thick purple stripes?” That question shouldn’t take me four weeks and three returns to make… And then I have this little person in front of me who needs help… who needs me to support him in every way possible. He needs to me to make sure that he’s getting the The right amount of sleep… that he’s getting the right amount of food… that I’m choosing the right books to read to him and that we choose the right experiences for him.

I hope one day that he doesn’t feel that his parents inhibited him in his decision making… that he has the right state of mind and the right support and background to make the decisions that he knows are best for him. I hope that the decisions I make for him are going to be the best decisions possible for him… The ones that will help him develop into the person that I know he can be…. The ones that I know will help him maneuver through a world that can be so incredibly cruel, but at the same time can be so incredibly rewarding.