Jax’ New Year’s Resolutions
1. Exercise More: everyone keeps commenting on how cute my “chubby thighs” are. Cute? Thanks, now I have a complex. They must have an early enough spin class so I won’t miss nap time.
2. Adopt a Green Lifestyle: I look good in green. It brings out my eyes.
3. Communicate Better: I know I’m not a good communicator. I have to do a better job discussing my feelings. Grunting and yelling like a pteradactal are not going to help convey my needs.
4. Not Get Sucked Into Family Drama: it’s not my fault dad put the Tupperware back in the wrong cabinet and it’s definitely not my problem that Buster and Max ate through mom’s Louis Vuitton to get to a pack of gum. I’m stayin outta those arguments.
5. Go on a Blind Date: all my baby friends are either already taken or not allowed to date until they’re like two. I’m considering just trying eHarmony or ChristianMingle just to see what’s out there.
6. Stop Worrying About Time: who cares… It’s not like I have anywhere to be but my crib or the playroom. Besides like Franklin P. Jones said, “The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.”
7. Forgive More: Max I’ll forgive you for chewing my toys. Buster I’ll forgive you for eating all my oatmeal and formula. Mom and Dad I’ll forgive you for letting me “cry it out.” I get it, there’s some sort of lesson to be learned there. However I WILL NOT forgive you for using that thermometer you bought at CVS… you know they make ear, mouth and forehead thermometers right?
8. I will learn what the hell the word resolution means.