A Self-Guided Tour of a Marriage with a Seven Month Old

I’d say this is pretty close to a normal weekday script the last few weeks

MONDAY-

530AM

WIFE: Do you have any plans today, or will you be right home after work?

ME:  No plans, I’ll be home after busses leave.  I’d like to try to get to the gym if I get out early enough.

330PM

ME:  Completely forgot that we have an administrative meeting tonight.  No gym.

WIFE:  So you’re not going to be home on time…?

745PM

ME:  I’m sorry…

WIFE: I’m exhausted I’m go to bed.

 

TUESDAY-

530AM

WIFE: Do you have any plans today, or will you be right home after work?

ME:  No plans, I’ll be home after busses leave.  Definitely going to the gym though after work.

330PM

ME:  Completely forgot that we have open house tonight.  No gym, going to leave right when it’s over.

WIFE:  So you’re not going to be home on time…?

815PM

ME:  I’m exhausted…

WIFE:  YOU!??!!

 

WEDNESDAY-

630AM

ME:  Shit… It’s 630?!  I slept through the alarm?!!

WIFE:  We didn’t set a alarm, we never do.

ME:  Ohhh right, ok no gym.  But definitely going tomorrow.

WIFE: Do you have any plans today, or will you be right home after work?

ME:  No plans, I’ll be home after busses leave.

WIFE:  Open your damn calendar and look at it before you answer me.

ME:  Oops, staff meeting today… Must have missed that.

330PM

WIFE:  Don’t forget I have my holiday party after work today.  I’ll be home around 700

ME:  So you’re not going to be home on time…?

WIFE:  Not funny… joking or not… I’ll end you.

700PM

WIFE: How’d Jax do tonight?

ME:  Great, we played with some of the Christmas decorations, Jax tried to eat one of the ornaments.  You brought me left overs right?

WIFE: And on that note, I’m going to bed

 

THURSDAY-

645AM

WIFE: How long have you been up?

Me:  I don’t even remember.  What time did you go to sleep?

WIFE:  I have no idea.   Are you going to the gym today?

ME:  HAHAHHAHAHHA

500PM

ME and WIFE: What’s for dinner?

ME:  Chinese?  Italian?  Pizza?

Wife: I don’t know?  Just decide by the time I’m done feeding Jax

530PM

WIFE:  Did you decide?

ME: No

545PM

WIFE: Did you decide?

Me: Yea, peanut butter and jelly

 

FRIDAY-

630AM

WIFE: Are you still sleeping

ME: Yup, I’m quitting the gym

1200PM

ME: Hey, what’s the plan for dinner?

WIFE: Peanut butter and jelly?

ME: Perfect!

500PM

ME: I feel like we’ve gotten a lot accomplished this week…

WIFE: I know… I say we just put on PJs and watch a movie.

515PM:

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz