Tantrum Time

Terrible Twos and/or Torturous Threes? How about the Fearsome Fours? Honestly, I don’t know what to call them… and more importantly I don’t know what i can’t stand more… either the people who don’t have kids and have advice for parents on what to do better, or the parents who tell us how amazing their children’s behavior always is.

We were pretty lucky in the beginning with Jackson. We never really had to deal with temper tantrums. Granted now we’re paying the price, as he has become a little toddler terrorist, taking what he wants and leaving destruction in his path. For the most part though, (he was pretty active), but he never really had temper tantrums.

Oliver, however, is a professional tantrum thrower. For being the happiest always smiling little guy… he sure knows how to throw down. I’ve witnessed this child lay on the floor and cry until you’d think he’d be dehydrated and then while still screaming, get up silently and laugh in my face thirty seconds later.

Those moments are what us parents dread the most, either in the mall or restaurant… or even just at home. When your child is flopping around on the floor like a fish just pulled up on the deck of a boat, screaming and crying like he just found out the next season of his favorite Nexflix series wouldn’t be released for another two years. And how do we try to stop it? We try reasoning with a this tiny human who won’t fully develop reasoning skills for another few years. I always here, “Use your words,” which is like asking me to hold a conversation during Game of Thrones (not happening).

Listen… a toddler tantrum, or any age tantrum for that matter, is a ride out the storm kind of situation. I try to stay calm (and more importantly try not to have an anxiety attack if we’re out in public) and just make sure everyone is safe. We save the talking for later.

Oliver can cry with the best of them. I’ve seen those crying fits come and go. Nothing, especially with a one year old, can prepare you for the intensity of an outburst especially when that outburst happens for the most asinine reason… have you ever suggested that your child not eat dog food? Or tell them to avoid touching a hot stove because, I don’t know… it’s hot? Yea, that’s all it takes. And, Oliver is no different.

Here’s a perfect example… we are decorating the tree and have a fire roaring. The perfect atmosphere to get into the Christmas spirit. The problem here… the placement of said fire. It’s not where my one year old wanted it to be. So what else is there to do but lay on the floor and kick and scream. Obviously, you want the fire on the other side of the room.

Yes my child, one and a half years old, was pissed off because he wanted the fire to be moved to the other side of the room.

… and on that note, bring on the tantrums.

Stellaluna is a White Walker


How do you know you’ve watched too much Game of Thrones ?When you start seeing White Walkers  everywhere… including while you’re reading a bed time story to your kids: 



Stellaluna is a freaking ice zombie!!!!

SPOILER ALERT….

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❄️ If there can be a dragon white walker… why not a cute bat from a children’s picture book?

Walkin’ the Mile 💉


Just a miserable way to start of a beautiful Saturday.  This poor kid had no idea what he was about to go up against.  He was just so cute walking through the parking lot, seeing the ambulances and giving high fives to police officers and security guards.

Needless to say he had no idea he was going to be encountering a needle wielding woman who only wanted him  his blood.  It’s tough watching your kid walk so innocently with a big smile knowing he’s about to get stabbed more times than an inmate in a prison fight. The worst part is trying to keep a calm demeanor, because toddlers are like fortune tellers or gypsies or something, one wrong look and they immediately sense imminent danger and their happy, go-lucky attitude turns into all out panic mode as they flee for the nearest exit.  

Luckily we made it to the waiting room, but not with out the saddest looks  from just about every human in the building as we walked down the hall. I’m not even quite sure who the looks were for… Might have been for me knowing what I’m about to endure as well. It was a short distance but the walk felt like a epic journey down that white hallway which was lit by buzzing UV lights. 

We got the waiting room and he immediately made himself at home, pulling out an US Weekly and leafing through the pages.  (On a side note why are all hospital magazines decades old? Is it necessary on a day like today for my son to have to read about Jennifer Anisten and Brad Pitt filing for divorce?  I mean get something from this decade at least!)

The moment of truth arrived soon after Jax read about the falling of the Berlin Wall. As we were called in to a small room with two chairs, one which looked appropriately like an “electric chair” Jax began to understand why  we were there.  Sadly for him it was too late to run. I sat in the electric chair and was instructed to “hold him tight and not to let him move…”  I laughed sarcastically and wondered if they understood holding a two year old down is like trying to catch water with a strainer.  Luckily my PMT training came in handy as the basket hold at least kept him at bay until the needle began to jab him.  I literally watched in horror as they jabbed the needle, what seemed like 19 different times, in various directions and still did not find a vein.  I felt as if I were watching a live episode of Game of Thrones. 

 
After what seemed like hours of trying and more needle jabs than Barry Bonds in his prime, poor Jax was covered in tears and snot.  No SpiderMan bandaid was going to solve this problem and, “no nurse he doesn’t want your Lighteming McQueen sticker.” What he wants is to get the hell out of here and never come back.  

The King and Queen of Westeros, CT

What kind of father sets their kid up on blind dates at a year old?  Are arranged marriages even still a part of today’s day to day society?  If so… then PHEW!  

We don’t live in Westeros and the closest thing to an Iron Throne that I sit on is in my bathroom… But lately I feel like everyone is trying to call dibs on Jackson for their duaghters!

Since the day Jax was born I feel like  all he does is become friends with as many little ladies as possible.  Just look at the list, 90% of our friends had daughters.  

Jax got a chance to meet another future wife option last night.  Luna tr little nugget was born last month to great friends Jay and Brea.  The introduction was typical of a first date and women in general… Luna wasn’t ready (relax I’m kidding… Sort of!).  As a matter of fact she was still sleeping!  

It’s always a lot of fun attempting to get a six week old and one year old to play together.  Jax was happy rolling around on the exercise ball while Luna napped.  (We also found out Jax likes eating gloves!)

Who knows maybe years from now Luna and Jax will wind up ruling the Seven Kingdoms.  I guess we’ll have to wait and see.  (Although, if that does happen I call dibs on the Lannister fortune!)

   

            

Our Christmas Blessing

“Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny freaking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of A-holes this side of the nuthouse.”

Not a chance Christmas went bye without some incredible stories.  Doesn’t matter if it was Jax’ first christmas or his 15th.  Today was filled with love, laughter and lunacy.  The amount of toys that santa brought for this little dude was insane.  There is not a chance in hell that he could even comprehend the amount of STUFF that he unwrapped today.  All I know, all we know, all he knows (I think he knows) is he is so lucky to have such an amazing cast of family members who treat him like he is king of the Seven Kingdoms.  Santa spent a little extra time here last night and this morning dropping off some awesome toys.

There was the chair that looks like a toilet. (I need one of these for football Sundays).

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Then there was the basket that was supposed to be for Auntie Tricia’s spa supplies.

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Grammy’s buttons on her Christmas Shirt were a source of entertainment for all ages (especially 8 month olds).

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The Wrapping paper gift was a favorite as well.  It tasted yummy.

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He also loved the Jackson sized replica of the Empire State building that he could climb and pretend to be King Kong on!

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Then there was the incredibly inspiring story of Walter the Farting Dog who shares in Jax’ favorite past time… farting.

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Jax was amazed by the generosity of everyone; Santa went above and beyond!!!!

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Jax knows Christmas is about giving not just getting presents… he spent his allowance on his brothers XMAS gift.

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… but most of all Jackson loved all the attention from the most important people in his life… his family.

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Family traditions and family craziness aside… Stephanie and I want to take a second to thank everyone who has been there to support this journey of ours through parenthood.  Most of all our parents and family and especially our friends who have answered our desperate phone calls at 2 and 3 AM when Jax was sniffling or had a fever.  There really is a magic to the holiday season, it’s a magic that exists all year, one that is always there, but often is not tapped into.  The magic of the people around you who care about you for who you are.  The people who are there for you when you need a laugh or a cry… or you need a someone to change a dirty diaper.  Those are the real reasons that the holiday exists.

Jackson, you are the greatest gift I have ever been given.  I am proud to be your father… I am happy to be part of your life and most importantly… I love you more than any present, autograph, fitted suit jacket or skinny tie in the world!

Love,

Dad

PS: You know when your Christmas ends like this:

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/63b/79650087/files/2014/12/img_0636.jpg…it was a great one!