I just woke up to my toddler sitting on his step stool, huffing and puffing in the bathroom. I asked him what was wrong and he replied, unequivocally, “I. AM. BORED!”

You’re bored I’m exhausted. It’s 10:30… Go to bed!!!

Hide and Seek

Two year old are magical. I’ve realized that Jax is literally the perfect blend of funny and clueless (clueless because he’s two, but clueless in that hilariously cute kind of way). Two year olds get bored of toys faster than I get bored watching the “Blood Borne Pathogens Video” at the beginning of every school year. Even though he was given about 14 million toys not even five weeks ago for him birthday he is completely over them and of course he’s onto to something new

So the now the new thing he is having me chase him around the house and then trying to hide from me. He runs about .5mph, looking back the entire time. He gets about three feet stops and laughs. Then starts running again.  But here’s the thing. He is horrible at hiding. I mean literally he actually just is really, really bad. I’ve looked right at him standing behind a kitchen chair like i can’t see him. Just laughing out loud thinking he’s a freaking genius.  

I mean if anyone ever broke into our house we are screwed. Have you ever seen Signs with Mel Gibson? You know where the Aliens break into the house and the family is hiding in the basement? I imagine we’d last about 12 seconds because Giggles McGee would be laughing up a storm. “Hey guys. Don’t look downstairs. We’re not down here hiding… hahahahahahahaha!”

I need to teach this kid some new tricks… Or at least how to keep quiet during hide and seek!  

Are You Not Entertained?!!?!

Are You Not Entertained?!!?
There are books and magazines and articles and blogs that tell you the how tough the parent life is.  There’s poop and boogers and doctors appointments with more shots than one person should ever require resulting in tears from not until the end of days. There’s college funds that require you to take out a second mortgage on your house (and that’s just for a state school), there’s having ZERO time to yourself. 

I get it. I get it all. But how can you ever think the above outweighs the HOURS upon HOURS of free entertainment that a child provides you.  

Remember when visiting a family member in the hospital was a drag… I mean don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with Grammy… She’s pretty much Betty White old lady cool, but hospitals and rehab centers can be a real downer… (Think Adam Sandler’s grandma being forced to sew wallets to sell in Happy Gilmore).  

Well, now with a child I have my very own CrossFit competition to keep me entertained… get the kid a walker and set him loose. It’s fun for everyone.  

   What’s the worst part of going out to dinner? Obviously is that’s awkward waiting period between ordering and getting your food. You’ve already talked about everything there is to talk about, you’ve tried your hardest to not pick your phone up, but have checked Facebook, Twitter and your ESPN app 17 times. Other than sitting in silence or people watching what else is there to do? 

 Now I finally have an answer to that question.  

Kids: keeping parents entertained since the beginning of time!

Stages of a Snow Day for a New Parent

Stage 1: Denial

If you are a teacher, principal or anything relating to school, when you hear the forecast predict snow you immediately turn in to an eight year old!  Cautious pessimism exudes from your body!  You’re eyes are literally pasted to the TV… you flip from channel  61 to 3 to 4 to see if all the meteorologists are saying the same thing!  However, you know that there’s no way you’ll have off… maybe a delay you try to convince yourself… if you’re lucky.  You begin your snow dance superstition routine.  I have teacher friends who flush ice cubes down the toilet, put a white crayon in the freezer and wear their PJs inside out and backwards.  But in the back of your head, you know you’ll be up early writing lesson plans.

Stage 2: Excitement

Snow cancelations begin to show up on the news.  The first few flakes start to fall… It’s going to happen.  The first few moments are amazing; your mind is going 1000 miles per hour as you begin to think about all the great things you can get done around the house and how amazing it will be to spend the whole day with your nine month old son!  Wife and husband are high fiving each other with excitement for the great day ahead!

Stage 3: The Calm Before the Storm (no pun intended)

The baby is quietly entertaining himself on his play mat with a few of his favorite QUIET toys.  The dogs are sitting nicely at his side keeping an eye on things.  Husband and wife are sitting next to each other drinking a cup of coffee and enjoying each other’s company. You’ve now watched seven episodes of Peppa Pig.  There is not a chance you are going to be able to get to everything you wanted to today because the little one is crazy fussy this AM, but that is OK… because you have the day off.  Take it slow today you tell yourself… you’ll still get a lot done.

Stage 4: Stress

Things are getting a bit hairy.  Mom and dad walk by each other and shoot dirty looks back and forth, baby is screaming and the dogs have pooped in the house numerous times because they refuse to go outside in the storm.  You are now inventing chores to do around the house and handing the baby off like a QB to a running back in half hour shifts.  There has to be some more toys that haven’t been opened and played with yet from Christmas.

Stage 5: Anger

Baby is teething… the crying, runny nose, rosy cheeks and constant sneezing are causing both parents to lose their mind!  Mom is sitting on the rocking chair rocking herself back and forth with her eye mask over her bloodshot eyes.  Dad is outside snow blowing the neighbors driveways in order to stay out of the house for a few minutes more.  The dogs are lost in the snow track that dad cleared in the front yard and there’s a chance they would rather build and live in an igloo out there than go back into the house of horrors!

Stage 6:  Acceptance

You’ve come to the realization that even though you love your family more than your life itself, that it is OK to take a break from them every once and a while.  The small things become big things when you are trapped in the house like in “The Day After Tomorrow.”  You are comfortable knowing that it’s been a long two weeks with multiple snow days.  Everyone takes a deep breath and begins to reassemble in the family room.

Stage 7: Relief

Everyone is back to normal… its bedtime.  Baby is feeling a bit better after his bath and mom and dad are no longer attempting to trip each other in the hallway.  The icicles have melted from the dogs beards and everyone is sitting down in the nursery listening to a story.  Hugs and kisses all around… that is until you hear it’s going to snow again on Thursday!

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