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Home Bio-Contamination Unit 

Steph and I getting ready to enter Jax bedroom

 
So it’s that time of year again… That time that makes teachers and parents cringe… We’ve got lice going around lately at my school and It makes me want to barf.  

As a teacher I never really was worried about myself, but now as a parent it’s different.  Anytime I see my kid go near his head… It doesn’t even have to be to scratch it, even if he just touches his head I want to take him out in the front yard and shave his head. Just buzz it all off.

I feel like I need to be medically hosed off before I enter my own house these days like in ET. Maybe I can convince Steph to put a hold on the bathroom remodeling project and instal a bio-contamination unit in our garage… I think we’re going to need it.  

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I’ll Never be POP Cool

 

 
So today is the day… Mark it down on the calendar, tie a note onto the back of a plane to fly the message over the east coast beaches… Just don’t say “I told you so,” because for a while there (17 and a half months to be exact) I thought i had this figured out. You know… How to be the little guy’s favorite.  For months I played with him, taught him to high five, taught him to throw a ball, bought him fresh kicks and played superman until I thought I was going to turn into an alien from Krypton.  

But none of that matters when your name isn’t spelled P.O.P. I guess the original Carmine is always going to know exactly what to do to make Jax smile or laugh. He always did that for me… He taught me to throw a ball, shoot hoops (although he retired after beating me the one and only time he beat me in Around the World). He bought me baseball cards and Philly cheese steaks from Artie’s Deli.  

I guess I’ll have to settle for second fiddle (third actually because I think this kid is gonna be a momma’s boy). I’d still think I’m a pretty cool dad… then again I’ll never be tickle your face with a fake plant cool.  

Am i at least matching sneaker cool?

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Five Things my Son Calls “Dah”

 
You imagine all these amazing milestones when you first learn you’re going to have a baby. First steps, food, words… Funny thing is it never winds up the way you thought.  His first steps are a few unstable stumbles and his first real food is some nasty combination of peas, zucchini and apples… But the first words… That’s what really throws you off.

1. Dah (Traslation: Dad)

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The original “Dah.” This one was easy; there’s not to much to figure out here.  “Dada” was his first word, so it’s not hard to figure out why “Dah” means dad.  I’m the first and I’m the best.

2. Dah (Translation: Dog or Buster or Max) 

Jax loves his brothers… I mean his “Dahs!” So much so he gets up to almost full speed and swan dives on top of them when he gets home everyday.  Coincidentally, “Dah” is also the same sound Busyer makes when Jax lands on top of him.

3. Dah (Translation: Toy) 

Doesn’t matter what toy… the singing donkey with two chewed off ears, the snail that gets body slammed daily, or the boxes he like to stack and then karate chop over… all referred to as “Dah”… Except for the creepy ass ride-on dog that asks “will you be my friend?”  That is not “Dah” that just makes the poor kid cry.

4. Dah (Translation: Book)  

I remember when he first laid eyes on a book… It was love at first sight… (If eating the pages and trying to rip the pages out equals love).  It took a lot of reading every night before bed… but now there is not a chance he goes to sleep with out us reading him a “Dah.”  As a teacher its pretty cool to see your son run to the book shelf and find his favorite book, take it out, hand it to you and yell “Dah”… now that I think about it… I wonder if “Dah” also means, “Please read me Chika Chika Boom Boom for the seven-thousandth time!!”

5. Dah (Translation: Yes)
So here’s the thing… Maybe he’s Rusian? maybe all the other words above are just his approval of the thing itself?  Maybe he’s just saying yes to everything… Is your dad the coolest dad in the world? “Dah!”  Do you want to swan dive off the couch onto your brothers?  “Dah!”  

On a side note every time I hear him say “Dah” I feel like it’s matter of moments before he turns into a Russian Bond Villian or I find out he was one of the extras in Rocky IV who were sent to keep an eye on Rocky while he trained.  

   
 

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Little Chris Farley

Keep spinning around in circles dude… I promise it will feel awesome!

Am I bad dad? Am I only raising my child for my entertainment? Is there some sort of training I missed or secret information I didn’t read about? Or are there others who enjoy laughing at things that you know you shouldn’t laugh at when it comes to your kid?I think it all started when I was a young lad… many moons ago… back on Bethpage Drive… back when you played outside from when you woke up until the sun went down. You didn’t sit inside and play video games all day or have to wait for your mommy to make a play date for you to meet up with your friends.

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Bethpage Dr Mafia~! (Snake hole is at about 2 o’clock)

Back then my little brother (who’s not so little anymore) and I would venture out into the woods and explore the wilderness. I enjoyed getting a good laugh out of the funny things I could get him to do.  

Case in point: the time I asked Vinchenzo to “sit down over here on the rock, I’ll be right back.” Sounds innocent enough (until you know I knew there was a snake hole right underneath the rock).

I feel that i sometimes (all the time) I’m looking for the next Chris Farley type fall… You know physical comedy. 

Not to say I’m looking to get my child injured or that I’m not protective of him… I just enjoy a comedic fall or flop once in a while. Is that so bad?

I bet if we sprayed some Pam on that slide it would be awesome!

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My Son is a Parseltongue

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So I have been so hesitant to write anything about what’s been bothering me lately.  Like really bothering me.  I know I pretty much write about anything and everything on here because that’s what this blog is about… The real stuff… The good, the bad and the ugly… Clint Eastwood style.   But I also want to make sure that later in life Jax doesn’t have a complex… (Or at least too much of a complex).

But I’m starting to worry.  So this blog entry is less about me telling a story and more about me being able to get something off my chest.  Something that is worrying me.

I’m pretty sure everyone knows I’m an educator.  I’ve been a teacher and administrator for 15 years now.  Maybe I have some sort of hypochondria or a super heightened sense of attention to detail when it comes to child development, but I feel like I’m starting to stress out.

So he’s almost 17 months old… He’s done a lot over the past year and a half.  He’s hitting milestones left and right… But he’s still not taking. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m the first to defend the… “Everyone develops at their own pace” philosophy.  But when it’s my own kid it’s stressful. Don’t forget… This is the type of literature I read on a daily basis:

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Try reading that as a parent and not losing your mind.  Try reading and article that says by 15 months your child should be able to order Lo Mein in Chinese and be able to use chopsticks to eat it. I’m struggling to balance my professional career as someone who diagnosis students’ reading problems and has to decide if a students behavior issues are developmental, environmental or learned… I’m struggling to balance that with my professional career as a dad who worries about everything.

I mean, we do have the basic “mama” and “dada”… and for whatever weird reason there’s also “nene” (bottle).  But other than that he has the language skills of Animal from the Muppet Babies.

We talk to him (I mean… I could talk for hours… its my favorite pasttime).  Grammy, literally gives him literacy and vocabulary lessons all day… half of his toys talk to him… and we read to him every night.  And all we get in return is something that sounds like Parseltongue.  I mean, maybe I’m looking into this to deeply… but he sure fits the bill of a Parselmouth

“Parseltongue is, when spoken, a hissing sound, similar to that of a snake; as such, normal people cannot understand it (one known exception being Dumbledore). Apart from merely communicating with serpentine lifeforms, Parselmouths also seem able to influence the will of serpents to a certain extent. Aside from serpent-based creatures, Parselmouths can communicate with each other with the language, as Harry understood Tom Riddle’s commands to the Basilisk and the House of Gauntcommunicate with each other almost exclusively in Parseltongue. While inherited, Parseltongue usually requires the speaker to face a snake-based creature or object shaped like a snake (e.g. a carving); more proficient speakers may be able to speak it at will.” -HarryPotter Wiki

So maybe I should be less worried about the fact that he isn’t really talking or more worried that my son may be a Dark Wizard?

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Tonka Tough

 
Remember when things were built to last?  When you could repair appliances instead of having to buy a new one if something when wrong? When toys were made to last longer than two months?  
Years ago when Santa would leave a whole bunch of stuff I really didn’t need under my Christmas tree you could be assured it was quality made, top notch materials.  

Case in point: Tonka trucks. Those things are beasts.  They were made out of good old fashion metal.  Lots of sharp edges, screws and bolts… But those parts held up over time.   

You can still read my name in Sharpie that my mom wrote when I was a kid

 

How crazy is it that my old-school Tonka truck from like 30+ years ago that my mom found in the attic is still in great condition?!!??? Granted after playing with it a few times, Jax is probably going to need rabies and tetanus shots, but still pretty cool to think he’s playing with the same toy I played with at his age!