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Scientific Evidence 

There is this theory about lack of sleep.  It goes something like, “lack of sleep is horrible.”  I’m sure that is a theory based in scientific evidence and data collected over a substantial period of time which was studied by multiple people in across all fields of academia.  

I know I can support this theory with first hand evidence.  I have the progress monitoring data to show the “horribleness” (a scientific term) of lack of sleep.  Scientists and doctors are still studying the cause of this epidemic, but honestly they don’t have to look much further than the basenett five feet from where I’m sitting right now. 

WIDE AWAKE… and making squealing noises. There are times I feel like there is a miniature piglet sleeping next to me… So without further adieu I present the evidence of the root cause of “lack of sleep…”

If my life were a book:

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Project Big Boy Room (1st Attempt)

So last night we attempted to put Jax to sleep in his NEW BIG BOY ROOM.  Throughough the past month or so there has been lots of prep work put in to building his level of comfort in his new room.  We hung out in there, read him stories in there before bed… etc, etc.

I decided to LIVE TWEET the event last night.  Here is detailed account of what will go down in the history of Chronicles of a New Dad as one of the biggest mission failures in history!

6:54 PM – 5 Mar 2017
About to live tweet my attempt at putting my (almost 3 year old) in his new “big boy room” for the 1st time. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #PrayForMe

6:56 PM – 5 Mar 2017
So far we’ve successfully turned out the light 6x and turned on the humidifier approximately 12x #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom

7:00 PM – 5 Mar 2017
Weve now moved on to climbing on 1 side of the bed and off other. Feel like im watching Daytona 500 #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom

7:01 PM – 5 Mar 2017
Escape of Alcatraz. He’s out. Gone. Door closed behind him and I’m alone. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom

7:03 PM – 5 Mar 2017
“Hello, I’m back!!!” ​

​7:05 PM – 5 Mar 2017
All electronics are now off & the lights are back on. I’m now negotiating with this little terrorist #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom

7:08 PM – 5 Mar 2017
1st demand “baby Ollie lay in bed w me”. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom

7:18 PM – 5 Mar 2017
Abandoned negotiating and have just simply asked him where he wants to sleep. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom

7:22 PM – 5 Mar 2017
Back to the nursery. had the time to say goodbye to your baby room. Here’s the look of realization that he’s growing up-mine and his) 

7:24 PM – 5 Mar 2017
I’ve now resorted to spelling out curses every time he climbs out of the bed. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom

7:27 PM – 5 Mar 2017
“People are coming for me” quote literally word for word from my son and I have chills. WTF #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom

7:30 PM – 5 Mar 2017
Full escape this time. Down stairs. And found him hiding in the dogcrate. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom

7:38 PM – 5 Mar 2017
Yup he’s eating yogurt & graham crackers- asking for pasta Not my choice. tonight is a failure. #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom

7:55 PM – 5 Mar 2017
Game over. Back in nursery. Night ends w him asking, “daddy rub, rub back.” #ChroniclesOfANewDad #ProjectBigBoyRoom Guess there’s tomorrow

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Survival of the Fittest

I’m not so sure this kid is going to make it much longer. Darwin might have predicted his outlook many moons ago… “survival of the fittest.” Im not sure he’s fit to be walking around without a bubble surrounding him.  

Case in point: 

Another day, another fall.  This one follows a tumble off a tricycle at school last week (mind you he wasn’t wearing a helmet, because, I was told, “tricycles are low to the ground so not much could happen if he falls off.”  Hmmm???? 🤔

Anyway… a full sprint on the sidewalk, hands full and a misstep resulted in the massive golfball on his noggin.  

However, this one may or may not be the fault of the parent who put two left shoes on his feet. 😬

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Break with a Banshee

Where is Gilderoy Lockhart when you need him?  Oliver the Screeching Banshee has been howling at world record decibels for going on two hours.  

I’m calling in reinforcements… someone call Lockhart. I need help over here. 

Either that or some Mandrake Proof earmuffs:

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Sleeping Standing Up

https://youtu.be/2bH0OXsmsbQ
I’ve been standing in the same spot in my family room for the last 25 minutes. Just swaying back and forth.  You know that scene from Hitch where will smith tells Kevin James, “Tonight I want you to meditate on the image of an iceberg. Do you know why I want you to … You live right here, okay? This is home.”

That’s me right now.  And it’s working.  If only I could sleep standing up.  

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A Man’s Best Friend ☕️

They say a dog is man’s best friend. Not when you have a toddler and a newborn at home… that title belongs to coffee.  And this morning coffee was needed to be more than a best friend. It needed to be lover… a confidant… a trusted advisor. 

Who would have thought I found that at my son’s daycare. I appreciate the fact that Nicole, Nikki, and et al. know what parents go through in the morning.  Thank you for putting a Keurig in the lobby for those of us who need to have their third cup of coffee before 8am. 

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Auntie and Uncle Jessie

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​have to give a shout out to Auntie Tricia and Uncle Jessie. Honestly, it’s really a great feeling to know that your children are so loved.  If anything ever happened to us, I wouldn’t even think twice at how loved Jackson and Oliver would be by them.  

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Baby Bane

I don’t understand how it’s so impossible to keep a pacifier in your mouth?  He’s laying down on his back and the pacifier still keeps popping out.  It’s defying the laws of gravity, which in turn causes screaming and crying. 

You know that mask the Bane wears in the Baan comics/movies?  Do they have one in pacifier style for babies?  I’m quite sure if they don’t, i could invent one… 

i would be rich or at least I’d be a lot less tired.