How Many Steps Does it Take to Build a Tricycle?

I don’t make this stuff up.  I’m not just writing things down to make people laugh… Remember my kid is going to read this in a few years.  About a week ago I discussed the topic of being able to put things together did fixing things.  I wasn’t kidding when I wrote about my life time ban from power tools.

I mentioned the need to hire outside agencies to assemble anything that has more than three parts and talked about how my level of skill in regards to putting stuff together is on the decline (let’s be honest it’s not on the decline; it was never high enough in the first place to be able to decline).  I don’t write stuff on here to purposely be funny or say things that I don’t mean… when i said I do not want to put anything together for Jackson’s birthday  I was being serious!

However, we must all remember that I am not in charge… not of myself, my house, my family or realistically even what I can and can’t do… that control belongs to the boss… The Wifey!  So when Steph came to me with a gigantic box and asked if I would put the new tricycle together for Jax (and by would you put this tricycle together for Jax she meant… Put this together immediately for Jackson).  I told her there was no way she was going to make me assemble this deathtrap!  No I’m kidding… of course my answer was yes.

This is not going to end well

I knew immediately I was in for a long night when I emptied the contents of the box on to the kitchen table.  There were two different instruction booklets… two… I cant even follow one set of instructions.  I began to sweat, and not like a stress sweat… I am talking about the sweat that happens when you know you are responsible for putting something together that your child will ultimately sit on and ride around.  His very life rested in my hands which were shaking as tried to steady the flat-head screwdriver (mind you all the screws were Phillips-head!)

Things were shaky in the beginning. I’m not one to get all the tools I need before I start building something.  i like to use the wait and see approach.  Maybe I can put the entire tricycle together with what a found in the kitchen drawer.  Let’s see… I have a toothpick, flat-head screw driver, scissors and scotch tape.  Done and DONE!  (Realistically, I would go on to need a hammer, two different size screw drivers, an adjustable wrenches, a  set of ratchet set and a yes, I used the scissors).

I moved through the directions step by step and seemed to be making progress.  There were a few occasions where I wish I had a “phone a friend” lifeline available, but pushed through and wound up putting together one of the most wobbly and crooked looking tricycles this side of the Mississippi.

I warned Stephanie that we may want to put a few pillows underneath Jax as we sat him on the possibly upside down seat, but we figured if he fell off… it would only make him stronger later in life.

Here is the results of three hours of work, numerous curse words and a tricycle that was supposed to have been built with all the parts included… (I had four left over):

“Hey mom, you sure this is safe?”