Brotherly love (more like can I taste your diaper later). But brotherly love non the less.
Monthly Archives: May 2014
5.8.14. – The Beastie Boys Help with Sleep
Bouncer? Nope!
Jumper? Nope!
Swing? Nope
Couch? Nope
Walk? Car seat, boppy, bassinet, tummy, rock and play… N.O.P.E.
“We got a safe in the trunk with money in a stack
“With dice in the front and Brooklyn’s in the back.
No sleep till –
No sleep till Brooklyn ! No sleep till Brooklyn !”
Maybe the Beastie Boys were new parents and they were leaving like a secret code for all other newborn parents? You know like…
If your kid won’t sleep, dont worry, we got you… Pack up your hooptie with a safe and a fat stack (don’t forget to pack some dice) and head off to Brooklyn. There has gotta be something in these lyrics. Bc literally I’m outta options! I really hope MCA was a board certified baby sleep consultant.
BROOKLYN be on the look out for a black 4- door Honda Accord w a Harry Potter themed sticker on it. I’m on my way w a hysterical baby… And you’re my last hope! No sleep till Brooklyn !
3AM Selfie
2AM Check in
Hey dad I’m still here… Dad? Hey dad… Mom… I’m up, just checkin in. Since you’re up wanna hear me cry… Do ya? Huh!??? Do ya?!??!
5.7.14. First Bath (Throwback!)
So while aimlessly scrolling through my phone at 3:30 AM attempting to sooth my gassy baby, I came across this video I forgot to post last week. Jax’ first bath.
Auntie Sue hooked it up! Don’t hate, any time we can get someone to help so we have both our hands to ourselves for 5 minutes, were all over it!
5.7.14 – Pediatrician’s Office
This place is a mad house. It’s like a middle school lunch wave. Children running wildly throughout the room, adults looking like they have no idea how to quiet them down and a jostling for seating position that would rival even the most popular kids’ table.
I notice though as soon as one kid starts acting up the other parents start tossing around dirty looks and whispering. Please, I just saw your Hanson looking kid with his hands in the fish tank. And you, Kirsten Dunst look a like, your yoga pants and extra make up is not going to attract you a doctor here. It’s 9AM, worry more that your 3 year old is licking the floor.
PS- Jax is up to 6lbs 13.5oz. Way to go kid. (Not that I’m surprised he gained weight, every time I turn around you’re hanging off mom!)
5.7.14. – Dinner Convos
5.6.14
Dinner w. Pop, Tina, Tricia and Grandma. Overhead conversations that Grandma had w you…
-“I hope your dad prints these posts off on paper for you, because when you grow up you might not have the internets.”
-“You make good farts, keep it up”
-“I dropped your dad a few times when he was first born, but don’t worry I won’t drop you.”
Great point grandma, this internets thing is such a fad, I doubt there’s any future for it in today’s society.… By the way glad to know you won’t be fumbling my child, but can we rewind for a minute and talk about the fact that I was dropped, not once but a few times?!???
5.7.14. – Hashtag
#NewBaby #LittleMan #SuperCute #CryBaby #LittleManLoudLungs #NeighborhoodLoudMouth #Hysterical #Deafening #NotSoCuteNow #ShriekLikeABanshee #CleanMyDiaper #GetMeOuttaThisStupidShirt #WhoHashtagsAShirt #RememberWhenAHashtagWasATickTacToeBoard #Hashtag #IJustHashtaggedAHashtag #MyBabyIsTrending
5.7.14. – Walking the Mile Boss
let’s go for a walk she said… It’s not too chilly out for Jax she said… Let’s take the dogs with us she said. 2 diaper changes, a lost diaper bag, a spilled chicken salad, and 45 minutes later we are finally out the door
PS: I wish I could get pushed in a stroller by a hot chick in yoga pants too.
5.7.14. – Mustard You Say?
Doctor wanted to make sure Jax is eating well. He said to make sure his poo looked mustardy… I’d say yes…
Sorry Sons: Chronicles of a New Dad 