Is There a Law Against… Showers?

I’m writing this blog with the hope for some validation… maybe even a little reassurance.  This may come as one of my more odd entries, but I think those parents out there may be able to connect (those of you who aren’t parents… continue reading because I promise this is something you will wonder about when you do become a parent).  It’s something I’ve been wondering about… not necessarily something I’ve thought about on a regular basis, but something that after tonight needs to be addressed…

Where does society stand on the “take a bath/shower with your kid” thing? I know this is a completely creepy question, I’m sure many people are going to wonder what the hell I am talking about and I’m confident that a lot of you KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!!!

Kid looks like Mugatu played (Will Ferrell) in #Zoolander

So bathtime around here for the little guy is a blast. Jax is all about bathtime. He is a nut about his tubby and some bubbles.  That’s not the issue.  I don’t have any problems with that.  But what happens when you have no time, no help and are just plain and simple exhausted and don’t want a huge production?

Shower? Why not… Quick and easy… Problem is you can’t put a one year old in the shower alone.  (I think it’s like a gremlin).   So that brings us to today. I hesitated… But in the end decided to get in the shower with Jax. Many things ran through my mind… What if he pees on me? What if he sees “it”? Are there laws against this sort of stuff? Creepy I know… But there even came a point where I thought maybe we should both be in a bathing suit (see above clip from Big Daddy).

So either way the deed is done and I’m still not sure where I stand on the whole issue.  Thoughts?

PS: I want to give a little backround on my thoughts about baths in general. I don’t know a lot of guys, or people for that matter, who still take baths. I mean, here’s the thing, if you get past the fact that baths are completely gross (IE: you sit there in your own filth) baths actually don’t seem too bad; however, I would tend to think most would say it’s just kinda gross to sit there in the dirt that you are actually trying to wash off yourself.

Now, I know there are the people who shell out way to much money to have a bathtub with “whirlpool” capabilities… but those “hoity-toity” types (See: Stephanie) realistically are just dropping a bar of soap in a hottub and calling it a bath. 

The other thing that drives me absolutely nuts about a bath is the fact that I can get in a shower with the water running at 895 degrees and love it… but no matter what I do to the water in the tub it’s always too hot. There is nothing I can do other than run the water and wait for it to cool down. The problem is in a tub the water goes from boil an egg hot to shrivle your man parts cold in 3.2 seconds. There is no way to calculate the exact tempature to time ratio that allows you to enjoy the whole reason you would take a bath in the first place… relaxation.  

If I am going to take a bath and sit in my own disguistingness then I don’t want to have to do any work… having to constantly turn on the hot water, then cold water, then hot again… well that just negates my wish to not have to do any manual labor.  

I’ll stick to showers… By myself… Maybe!

if you’re going to take a bath… own it. The Hugh Hefner robe is a must!

This blog entry has been featured on Honustmum.com as a Brilliant Blog Post.

This blog entry has been featured on Honustmum.com as a Brilliant Blog Post.

Weird is the New Normal

 

Like father, like son

Being a parent is so interesting. I consider myself one of the weirdest people I know… besides my group of friends… Between Miguel, Adam, Eli and especially the oddest one of them all RFizzle you would expect nothing would be able surprise me anymore.

We’ve dealt with a variety of odd situations… Cambodian cages, mini golf swimming hole, grenade whistles, randomly yelling, “LET’S STAY FOCUSED HERE!”  Then there was a bunch of crazy Santa’s taking over Danbury…  somewhere in there was a friend getting yelled at for not being able work their cell phone and a few of us being scolded by Kimbo Slice.  I actually witnessed someone pay for a round of drinks in pennies… his response…”Isn’t this AMERICA?!!!”  Its evident that the people I associate with should have prepared me for the things I would witness, hear and say now that I am a parent.  

 Yet, I still sit here today in awe of the things that I find myself involved with when it comes to this kid… this wonderful, amazing and just plain weird kid!  I find myself witnessing things that I know no other human being has witnessed before; I also find myself saying things out loud and then thinking to myself, “I cant believe I just said that to another member of my own species.

The other day I watched my son, walk waddle as quickly as his knobby little knees would take him over to Buster.  It was as close to a run as a wobbly one year old can get.  Then I watched in horror as he took a full on swan dive on top of the dog.  I am talking a dive that would have won him a drunk belly flop contest at any Sandals Resort in the world!  As he turned slowly a smile formed and at the corners of his lips a witnessed a little drool form and then fall on poor Buster’s head.  An absolutely aggressive move.  Not even so much the long jump knocking all the air from Buster’s little puppy lungs, but the drool.  Nothing says I own you more than getting your saliva on someone.  Spitting is disrespectful and hateful, but drooling on them says “I OWN YOU!”

Last night I found myself saying, and I quote: “Jackson, DO NOT try to balance your sippy cup in between your chest and the coffee table!  Jackson… DO NOT WALK AROUND THE COFFEE TABLE WITH THE SIPPY CUP BALANCED BETWEEN YOUR CHEST AND THE COFFEE TABLE!”  How did my brain even formulate this sentence… how did my mouth even form the letters needed to sound this sentence out? Just picturing a half naked baby with his little chubby arms in the air as he navigates his way around the coffee table in a death-defying feat of balance.  Smile as big as the Grand Canyon, giggling like a school girl and just as carefree as lion in the Serengeti.

I’ve witnessed many weird things in my life, hell I’ve done many things in my life that you would categorize as weird.  Which is expected with the company I keep.