Weird is the New Normal

 

Being a parent is so interesting. I consider myself one of the weirdest people I know… besides my group of friends… Between Miguel, Adam, Eli and especially the oddest one of them all RFizzle you would expect nothing would be able surprise me anymore.

We’ve dealt with a variety of odd situations… Cambodian cages, mini golf swimming hole, grenade whistles, randomly yelling, “LET’S STAY FOCUSED HERE!”  Then there was a bunch of crazy Santa’s taking over Danbury…  somewhere in there was a friend getting yelled at for not being able work their cell phone and a few of us being scolded by Kimbo Slice.  I actually witnessed someone pay for a round of drinks in pennies… his response…”Isn’t this AMERICA?!!!”  Its evident that the people I associate with should have prepared me for the things I would witness, hear and say now that I am a parent.  

 Yet, I still sit here today in awe of the things that I find myself involved with when it comes to this kid… this wonderful, amazing and just plain weird kid!  I find myself witnessing things that I know no other human being has witnessed before; I also find myself saying things out loud and then thinking to myself, “I cant believe I just said that to another member of my own species.

The other day I watched my son, walk waddle as quickly as his knobby little knees would take him over to Buster.  It was as close to a run as a wobbly one year old can get.  Then I watched in horror as he took a full on swan dive on top of the dog.  I am talking a dive that would have won him a drunk belly flop contest at any Sandals Resort in the world!  As he turned slowly a smile formed and at the corners of his lips a witnessed a little drool form and then fall on poor Buster’s head.  An absolutely aggressive move.  Not even so much the long jump knocking all the air from Buster’s little puppy lungs, but the drool.  Nothing says I own you more than getting your saliva on someone.  Spitting is disrespectful and hateful, but drooling on them says “I OWN YOU!”

Last night I found myself saying, and I quote: “Jackson, DO NOT try to balance your sippy cup in between your chest and the coffee table!  Jackson… DO NOT WALK AROUND THE COFFEE TABLE WITH THE SIPPY CUP BALANCED BETWEEN YOUR CHEST AND THE COFFEE TABLE!”  How did my brain even formulate this sentence… how did my mouth even form the letters needed to sound this sentence out? Just picturing a half naked baby with his little chubby arms in the air as he navigates his way around the coffee table in a death-defying feat of balance.  Smile as big as the Grand Canyon, giggling like a school girl and just as carefree as lion in the Serengeti.

I’ve witnessed many weird things in my life, hell I’ve done many things in my life that you would categorize as weird.  Which is expected with the company I keep.