Two of America’s Most Wanted

I guess, the Halloween spirit has turned my children I tom harden criminals. I’m now raising two of America’s Most Wanted, apparently they have kidnapped our neighbor’s pumpkin and are demanding ransom.

Watch out Halloween decorations… because just as the poet Tupac Shakur once said… “You done put two of America’s most wanted
In the same stinkin‘ place at the same stinkin‘ time

Things the Farmers Do Not Tell You

So I am all for a good old American tradition on a football Sunday (as long as we leave early enough and are back in time for Packers kickoff). Heading to the apple orchard or just a good ole farm to hunt for the fattest pumpkin (until you realize they charge .50 a lbs) you can find is part of what makes fall fall.  The thing is… everything is so much more enjoyable when you have a baby with you.  See now have someone to talk to and joke around with while mommy is deep in thought about what farm fresh produce she will bring home… because I could care less.  The thing is there are apparently some unwritten pumpkin picking, farm house rules that until today I was unaware of.

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Unwritten Rule #1:  Do not stuff your baby’s jacket with corn stalks and hay and laugh.  I’m not sure when this became a rule, because it was hilarious and I wish I had thought of this at an early age.  I would have 100% done this to myself if Jax wasn’t there.  I would not recommend signing “If I only had a brain” after being told to take the hay out.

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Unwritten Rule #2: One rule that I at least can somewhat understand is the one that states DO NOT sit on the pumpkins.  I mean this seems pretty much self explainatory right?  You can crush them or damage them right?  Actually when you think about it… it is pretty tough to damage a pumpkin… I think this rule makes more sense when you take into account the fact Jax has begun pooping though his diaper and pants.  The fart that came out of him has to poison that pumpkin.  I feel bad for who ever carves that one… gives new meaning to the phrase: “it smells like the inside of a pumpkin!”

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Unwritten Rule #3:  It is inappropriate to use a gourd as a giant male body part on your 5 and a half month old son.  This is another ridiculous rule. Who hasn’t done this?  This is what sets us men apart from the rest of the world… we can use funny looking things and pretend they are our wiener. Either way I guess this is frowned upon in the pumpkin picking world.  And to that I say BOO farm… BOO!

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