Every once and a while Twitter is good for something other than fantasy football news. Last night the term #BabyRappers was trending.

Anyone who knows me knows I love anything rap and hip hop related (especially old school). If you haven’t already check out my HipHop Advice for Jax: https://newdadchronicles.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/advice-for-jax-taken-from-90s-hip-hop/.

Here is a list of some of my #BabyRapper names and some of the best from Twitter:

Salt and Pampers
Smelly Prince of Bel Air
DJ Droolie Jeff
Womb Tang Clan
Three to Six Month Mafia 2MonthOldPac
Kid N Playpen
LL Cool Jax
Notorious J.A.X.

… And here are some of the best from others on Twitter:
@Maggiemayehaha: Rob Bassinet
@Adam_Cozens: KRS-Onsie
@THE_BOONDOCKS: B.O.B the builder
@alikigreeky: Busta Nursery Rhymes
@dantelfer: 50 Centimeters Dilated
@willnoonan: Similacklemore
@tylermorrison1: Birthing Method Man
@keatingthomas: Kid Cuddly
@MELnc: Potty By Nature
@andytwood: Kendrick Lamaze
@tylermorrison1: 2 Live Croup
@kelly_carlin: Chuck D Cheese
@MrTommyCampbell: NWA – Newborns With Attitude
And my personal favorite:
@adamrank: Pediatrician Dre

Advice for Jax Taken from ’90s Hip Hop

When you need help or advice as a new parent the obvious thing to do is call someone who knows what do, right?  You would obviously reach out to someone with experience and expertise.  You also want to gain the knowledge and experience so that you are better prepared to deal next time the situation may arise.

There are millions of books, blogs (definitely not this one) and child experts who can provide new parents with support as they navigate the ups and downs of raising a child.  However, why just go for the obvious?  That’s why when I attempt to drop little nuggets of knowledge on Jackson I turn to the place that helped impart the same essential knowledge on me… 90’s Hip Hop.

For example: Here are the top pieces of wisdom that came out of 90’s hip hop:


ADVICE:  “Never trust a big butt and a smile.” – Bel Biv Devoe

TRANSLATION:  Judge a book by its cover… especially, if that book has a big booty and a friendly grin. If it does, definitely DO NOT trust them.  People who have large rear ends are usually liars and should not be trusted to tell the truth.


ADVICE:  “Yea I got on sneaks, but I need a new pair… Cause basketball courts in the summer got girls there.” – The Fresh Prince

TRANSLATION:  You can never make a second first impression.  Yes, you may have a quality education and work hard to provide for your family, but if you don’t look fresh to death for the ladies on the courts… you lose at life.  Remember, the newer the sneaks the better.



ADVICE:  “Blame it on the rain (rain), Blame it on the stars (stars), Whatever you do don’t put the blame on you, Blame it on the rain yeah yeah, You can blame it on the rain.” –Milli Vanilli

TRANSLATION:  The buck does not stop here… keep passing the buck… whatever you do, do not admit you are part of the buck.  If you want to be successful in life, at work and especially in a relationship… DO NOT EVER ADMIT YOU SCREWED UP!  Just blame it on someone else.


ADVICE:  “The rhythm is the bass and the bass is the treble.” –Warren G

TRANSLATION:  I have no freaking idea… just seems like something you should know in life.


ADVICE:  “Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly.” –Vanilla Ice

TRANSLATION:  Whenever you are faced with a tough situation… go at it head on and attack it until you succeed just like a harpoon when it… when it, well you know, when it flows.  Everyone knows that nothing works harder at its job than a harpoon… because that harpoon flows every day and every night.


ADVICE: “Too legit to quit” –MC Hammer

TRANSLATION:  Be a young man who grows up and does things the right way.  That’s legit… be so legit that you can never go back to not being legit. Don’t be not legit or unlegit.  And for that reason you must never quit.



BONUS ADVICE:  “Can’t blow too hard; Life’s a deck of cards.” –Jay Z

TRANSLATION:  Forget the fact that Jigga got the analogy completely wrong (the line should have been “life’s a HOUSE of cards”), these are words to live by because everyone knows that people who are the most successful don’t brag about their success.  If there was ever a model of living a low key life, it is definitely Jay-Z.


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