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NBA Play-By-Play from a Three Year Old

While watching our first basketball game together since Jackson started basketball “practice” two weeks ago, I decided to just sit back and listen to his commentary as we watched the Pacers v Cavs game 2 matchups. Some of his comments were responses to a question I may have asked… but most were just spontaneous reactions to the game. (I left out a few random comments that were completely unrelated to the game). Keep in mind he’s not yet three and holds interest in something for approximately 3.5 seconds at a time.

About two minutes into the game, “Throw in hoop, YEAH!!!” This occurred after a Lebron James basket and took a few minutes for me to convince Jackson that even though the ball went in this wasn’t a good thing for our team. 

Watching a Cavs player getting ready to check in at the scorers table blowing in his hand, “That man did toots, smells stinky.”

As Kevin Seraphine is rejected on a dunk attempt, I cringe and Jax replies, “Almost!”

After watching Lebron complain on a missed shot thinking he was fouled, Don’t worry. Don’t worry. No, No sad. It’s ok.”

C.J. Miles passes up a wide-open shot, and Jackson comments, “Shoot the ball man.” This is now my favorite Jackson comment of all time. You literally can’t get anymore blunt than telling the guy that gets paid millions of dollars to to just shoot the ball than to literally tell him to shoot the ball.   

Watching s bunch of players standing around as the ball just bounces off the rim a few times, “Ohh no. Why no big man help shoot hoop.” Again Jax, great question, because every time the ball comes off the glass or rim I cringe. It’s like 12 Cavs rebounding with maybe one Pacers player attempting to go after the ball. 

Richard Jefferson catches a wide-open rebound as it basically falls into his hands and Jackson yells, “old man.” I guess I need to take the blame here as I was yelling OLD MAN as he entered the game in hopes I could get Jax to repeat it. 

After a second turnover in a row, Jackson completely unprompted starts chanting shoot it and clapping his hands.

Half time was a opportunity for the Pacers to regroup, unfortunately it was also the time for our little NBA play by play announcer to go to bed. Maybe this is the start of a blossoming phase of communication for Jax. Maybe he just needed to get the opportunity to provide color commentary for an NBA Playoff Game.
One can only wonder what inspired this Craig Seagar like NBA breakdown. No matter what, he was more entertaining than Charles Barkley… and definitely was more articulate than Shaq.

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An Offer They Can’t Refuse

Big day here and not just because that creepy giant bunny snuck in the house and hid a bunch of eggs. Nope,

No bunny stuff here… we’re talking Godparents Naming Day. Big stuff… nothing to joke around with. Picking godparents is like picking a life vest when you are on a cruise. You hope you don’t ever have to use it, but just in case you know you have to pick well.  

And that’s the case here… little Baby Ollie deliberated for days on end. He went back and forth and weighed the pros and cons of all his associates. At one point he even considered naming intern godparents in order to have more time to choose the real ones, but after much consideration he went with two great choices. 

Introducing The Godfather:  Uncle Dustin 

Profile:

  • Full Name: Dusty Dinkleman
  • Allias: Uncle Jessie
  • Place of Birth: The Valley (Baside’s Rival)
  • Parenting Status: Soon to be dad
  • Claim to Fame: Confusing Poop and Puke

And… Godmother: Auntie Sandy 

Profile:

  • Full Name: Sandy (Not the one from Grease)
  • Allias: Auntie Sandy
  • Place of Birth: A lady never tells
  • Parenting Status: Cat Mom (Cat’s usually dressed in holiday attire)
  • Claim to Fame: Also is Steph’s Godmother 

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National Sibling’s Day: Top 5 List of Hilarious Brother Interactions (so far)

National Sibling day? I mean I guess it’s better than national footling hotdog day or national pineapple pizza day. For the past three years Jax celebrated this fake holiday with Buster and Max… however he now has to share this holiday with a miniature version of himself. A human sibling is a blessing and a curse… (I know I have two of them). 
It’s only been two months but I thought I’d celebrate this Siblings Day by highlighting the top five interactions between Jackson and Oliver’s short life together so far. 

5. Jackson decides to Baby Ollie by pushing him “gently” in his swing to help Rick him to sleep. This was a bad idea from the start mainly because Oliver was already sleeping and literally was snoozing hard. Not the dogs barking, doorbell ringing nor a blaring TV could wake him. It was one of the very few times we were able to get this kid to sleep with little to no fuss. That is until Jackson decided to push him into orbit. The swing hit its max flight capacity so quickly that it nearly jolted Oliver out the front window. Needless to say Oliver was awake for the next 22 straight hours.  

4. Early on in our sibling story Jackson, the eternal patron saint of feeding the starving, shoves a few goldfish down the gullet of a -“as he describes it “very hungry” six day old Oliver prompting and Immediate finger sweep of his esophagus. This was one of those times where you are very thankful for first aid/CPR training.

3. That time Jax felt the need to help a crying Baby Ollie by jamming his pacifier down his throat. I mean I get it. Those high pitches screams just get to be a little too much sometimes. And if he won’t keep the pacifier in his mouth then someone has to do it for him. Insert big brother…insert pacifier… forcefully. 

2. Close your eyes and picture one of those Strongman competitions where the Hercules looking chaps pick up those gigantic boulders and then place them ohh so carefully on top of a stone pillar. Now take away the pillar and replace the boulder with a newborn. That’s close enough to what it was like watching Jax decide he didn’t want to hold Oliver any longer. It was done with love and care… just a nonchalant shrug of the shoulders and a quick mumble of something that sounded like, “No more hold Baby Ollie.” That and then letting him roll slowly off his lap.  

1. It’s about time Little Baby Ollie made an appearance on the countdown. And what an appearance it was. Oliver coming in hot at #1 with a move that you just can’t come back from. The ultimate power move. It’s like talking cup says in Beauty and the Beast… Tale as old as time. Once your toes hit the water… bath or shower the seal is broken, and the floodgates are open. Oliver just turned on the fire hose and caught Jax with a powerful stream of pee-pee. It could have happened to anyone and I’m sure it has, but in our story it’s nice to see the underdog catch a break and win one for once.

And there you have it. Jackson dominating the most of the list, just as he older brother should. But Oliver coming in with a savage brother move lands him at #1 on the Sibling’s Day Top 5 Hilarious Interaction List. 

Let’s just hope they are always this peaceful

All four siblings calm… for the first and last time:

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Wailing- According to Webster’s Dictionary

This kid is pretty cute when he isn’t wailing like a banshee. 

#Wailing –verb: 1. To make a long, loud, high-pitched cry, as in grief, sorrow, or fear. See Synonyms at cry. 2. To make a prolonged, high-pitched sound suggestive of a cry: 3. Otherwise see Oliver from 9pm-5am. 

Although I have to give the little guy a shout out… he slept most of the night last night. Fussy, but for the most part slept well.

It was the other creature who was up all night. Not sure what to make of a there year old getting up at 1am, 3am and 4am asking for yougurt and juice box!???  

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So Much Room for Activities

Meanwhile since 11:00am in Oliver time: 


Which can only mean he will be wide awake and ready for activities from approximately 9:00pm until most normal humans wake up for breakfast. 

So Much Room for Activities

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Basketball Bloopers

What I just witnessed was a disaster. It was literally such a hot mess that it was funny. It was one of those situations where you can’t even get upset. You just have to laugh.  

Toddler Mini Hoops: just the name elicits feelings of joy and happiness… should be a morning full of smiles and laughs while daddy and son sit criss- cross -applesauce and roll the ball back and forth to each other. Maybe a few practice passes and the opportunity to shoot a granny shot or two.

I know my career path has allowed me to study and research developmental milestones of child development and age appropriate activities for children, however I’d like to think that for the most part it’s pretty much common sense when it comes to most things you would ask a toddler to do.

I’m not even talking about age appropriate skills related to a particular sport. I’m talking about simple aspects of everyday life. Like the amount of time you might ask a three year old to attend to a task and more specifically related to today’s incident… how long you ask a child to sit and listen to an aging middle school JV basketball coach while sitting down silently. Listen folks, I’m an elementary school principal, I’m 37 years old and I can’t do any of the above for more than four minutes and that’s even pushing it. As a former Division 1 track and field hurdler I get the difficulty that comes with being an athlete and the work and effort that comes with improving your craft, but this was ridiculous. 

There is no way my “active” (that’s an understatement) can sit quietly while listening to Phil Jackson’s understudy explain the rationale behind using a chest-pass instead of a bounce-pass. Not yet, at least. We’re not there yet. We are at, “here’s how you hold a basketball and let’s try to bounce it back and forth without doing summersaults, licking the gym mats,” or maybe even how about we just complete a two hand dribble and catch with out stopping to lick the floor. How’s that sound?!??! ​​​​ ​​

​  At one point The future UCONN basketball coach asked the children to stand up, and begin dribbling the ball with their finger “pads” without looking at the ball. He then told them to look directly at their parent while they dribble. Tough task no? Even for experienced players it’s tough…. but hang on we aren’t done. The parent is then supposed to flash their fingers depicting a different number every two seconds while the child then calls out the number of fingers being held up in order to keep their head up while they continuously dribble the ball.  Don’t get me wrong, I understand the need to challenge our children, to push them to work harder and to give them the skills they need to succeed to improve.  I know as an athlete he needs to be given the opportunity to practice and that he can’t a trophy just for showing up for practice. But, how about we build some foundational skills first.  

With jaws on the floor we all listened to Coach Auriemma describe the flight path and correct backspin on a bounce pass needed to hit your teammate in stride on a backdoor cut to the basket. All this occurring while my child was running laps around the out side of the gym. Jackson did successfully however steal the ball from the coach without fouling him while he was explaining the children’s homework for the week. I was impressed with the defensive ability of the kid as he swiped the ball from the coaches side, dribbled it with his feet and kicked it into a stray soccer goal off to the side of the hoops. (Followed by the Fragola shirt pull over the head while running around yelling “GOOOAAAAALLLLLL!!!!” (Wrong sport bud). 

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​We did get in a little practice of basic, age appropriate basketball skills while Coach Popovich ran a group of screaming toddlers through the weave drill. I guess next week we can look forward to learning the pick and roll (and by pick and roll I mean Jackson will pick his nose and roll around on the floor). ​

​”Basketball on three… ONE, TWO, THREE”​

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Two Months 

Oliver Peter: March 31 Two Months Old

  • 12lbs 2oz (75th Percentile)
  • 23″ long (75th Percentile)
  • Sleeps most of the day
  • Completely nocturnal
  • Witching hour(S) from 9pm-5am
  • Likes Tummy Time
  • Holds his neck up
  • Hips checked out OK after being breeched
  • Not a fan of having his eyes poked out by his big brother
  • Loves his bath chair, hates the bath faucet
  • Snores, squeaks, squeels and screams
  • CAN.NOT.KEEP.THE.PACIFIER.IN.HIS.MOUTH.
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Hubris

Me after listening to eight hours of crying


I thought I had this parenting thing all figured a while back when Jackson hit a groove and was easing up on requiring parental services for every part of this life.  When the new guy came along we hit our stride pretty quickly and got a routine up and running the minute we were home from the hospital. For the first few weeks, the baby would sleep in the doc-a-tot thing or even in the Rock and play. I had no worries of long sleepless nights and knew once Oliver checked out A-OK for allergies this was going to be a piece of cake. 

I had False visions of a snoring little bundle of joy, peacefully dreaming while I watched his little face smiling back at me.  I’d be able to look over emails and complete teacher observation write-ups. I’d be able to binge watch on Netflix and get back to writing on a more consistent basis. Heck I’d even maybe up my to reading a more than two books a month. 

That was until I realized that my son was being possessed by Voldemort… before I came to the conclusion that he was housing a piece of Voldemort’s souls inside him… before I spent eight straight hours bouncing, walking, soothing, or rocking this evil little dark wizard from 9-5pm every night… before I heard the decibels of screaming that this child’s tiny voice box could produce… before I went three straight weeks with little to no sleep. 

And you know what… that’s my bad. I shouldn’t have been so cocky. I shouldn’t have counted my eggs before they hatched. I should have banked as much sleep as I could early on. And that’s what happens when you fly too close to the sun. Too much confidence will “melt the wax on your wings” and send you to a certain death. It happened to Icarus and its now happened to me. 

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Olympic Training

First day with no accidents… this kid is hitting the potty training like he’s a Gold Medal Olympian. 

Unreal, to think we’re almost out of diapers with one and then still have another three years of diapers to go with the other!