Welcome to “Miles, Memories & Mini‑Meltdowns”, your go‑to blog for everything that happens when parents hit the road with their kids in tow. If you’re here because you’re planning a family road trip—or just need reassurance that utter chaos mixed with heartwarming moments is totally normal—you’re in the right place. I’m the guy who coordinates snack stops, bathroom logistics, and tells corny dad jokes under pressure. Consider this your survival guide, therapy session, and laugh‑track all rolled into one.
Packing the car was akin to a game of Tetris, with the added challenge our youngest insisting that his stuffed Dalmatian (ironically named Spotty) needed his own seatbelt. Despite my meticulous planning and the fact that I didn’t start packing until 35 minutes before we left, we got on the road only and hour late late, which is actually an hour earlier than we’ve ever left. Then again at least this time it wasn’t because someone couldn’t find their left shoe (spoiler: it was in the freezer).
9:17am:
Four adults, four children, three dogs 658 suitcases, four Nintendo Switch consoles, three laptops, five iPads and a lot of G-Damn traffic. We hit the road at 9:17am and just picked up my mom. Our first planned stop came after having to go back into the house, three unplanned stops, bathrooms and Dunkin Donuts.
The entire family is now repacking the cars to fit Mima in the back seat in between two car seats, two cases of Corona and for some reason five pillows.
10:03am
First stop at a Dirty Dunkin Donuts because of urgent calls of nature. The only restroom was also the janitor’s chemical closet. Kids touching colorful bottles, me yelling, “Don’t open that!” while one child attempts to pick up someone else’s water bottle off the floor. I now classify this as character-building.
(PS they got my coffee order wrong… we’re off to a great start).
11:19am
We’ve been on the road almost 2.5 hours have only made 1 hour of progress.
1:36pm
Three and a half hours in. We’ve just made it to NJ. the trip itself to wildwood should have been 4 hours and seven minutes. At least the reststop was named after someone who knew how to keep things in order!
2:24pm
5.5 hours driving. Only 1.5 hours of progress. FIVE LANES OF STANDSTILL TRAFFIC.
3:36pm
+1 bathroom stop. Toms River NJ will never be the same.
3:42pm
Official first spill and change of clothes. The entire car smells like grape gaterade.
4:28pm
Thank goodness for NJ picnic areas…
5:37pm
EIGHT HOURS LATER… we made it!!!
FINAL TRIP STATS:
9:17am Departure (1:45pm ETA)
STOPS: 8
BATHROOMS USED: 9
ARGUMENTS: 7
ARGUMENTS ABOUT THE BATHROOM: 5
GAS STATION SANDWICHES CONSUMED: 1.5
GAS STATION SANDWICHES MELTED AFTER BEING LEFT IN CENTER CONSOLE AFTER PARKING IN 103* HEAT: .5
5:37 Arrival 🙄
Sorry Sons: Chronicles of a New Dad 