Five Star General 

Let’s be honest here parenting two children is literally like having 12. It’s like being the general of the Continental Army… A bunch of completely untrained, extremely energetic, very hungry, needy and ill prepared people in an environment of utter chaos, screaming, injuries and bodily fluids.  
I’m not going to sit here and say I had some incredibly tough upbringing or that I know the trials and tribulations that some families go through… But as an educator for the past almost 20 years and as a former Division 1 College athlete who functioned at high levels both in the classroom and on the track with little to no sleep and performed under an incredible amount of stress… I can honestly say that compares in no way to being a parent of multiple children. 

There’s a never ending need for your services… Which in all reality it’s something I expected and was as well prepared as I could be for. However it’s the fact that there truly is no time to even go to the bathroom, or eat something let alone make something to eat, and forget showering. The house is jam packed with baby holding apparatuses of every shape and size. There are enough toys here (that no one plays with) to make even Geoffrey the Giraffe jealous. I’ve claimed approximately a 6square foot of floor space to sleep on, or at least rest on. 

The claim that parenting is hard no matter what is a lie. One kid was like a walk in the park. Even when we were actual walking in the park, it was like a walk in the park figuratively. Two kids is like going to battle. Waking up (if you even call it waking up) is a constant war between good and evil. It’s chasing dogs who are eating dirty diapers and spreading bacitracin and butt cream in crack and crevasses that I didn’t even know existed. It’s walking through a mine field of Legos, magnetic letters and pacifiers. You have to look around at every corner… plain and simple you’ve got to keep your head on a swivel at all times. 

And just when you think you’ve got a handle on things… someone poops in their pants. My washer and dryer is working overtime these days. I’m not sure either one will make it to see 2018. But I guess that’s it… you have to take the good with the bad. Because for every scream filled night there’s a few quiet times that look like this: