Twas the night before Christmas
when all through our home
I searched for rhyming words
to complete this damn poem.
The table was set
With enough spots for the crew,
in hopes that the arguments
Would be quiet and few.
Jackson was stirring (not asleep) in his bed,
while mom and I faced the evening with dread:
There’s presents to wrap and the floor needs to be swept!
And now, thanks to stress, we have cried and we’ve wept.
For there’s only two hours
to get this all done,
Santa is coming
With gifts for our son.
Too late to go elsewhere, if we can’t finish up,
We’ll have to wake Jackson and both of the pups
When what from my worrying eyes should appear?
How about 50 dirty diapers, and a cry of fear!
Mom and I stared with looks of disbelief,
How did this happen.. Oh crap and good grief.
So right for the Clorox, and a bottle of bleach
Mom and I ran for cleaners in reach
“Now sweep it! Now mop it! You missed some right there!
Don’t smush it, don’t smash it, there’s some in your hair!
Use something stronger than water and soap
“Honey,” said hubby, “do you think I’m a dope?”
And then in a twinkling, I knew what to do.
I grabbed an old cell phone to help with the poo.
I called up old Santa and asked for some help
He answered with quickness and let out a yelp.
We spoke no more words, but he was there in a flash,
Right down the chimney he was burned by some ash.
But he was determined to make this okay
Because he loved Jackson, and called Stephanie his bae
Then as if it were magic the diapers were gone and the house was all clean.
A long day ahead I was in need of caffeine.
He laughed as he told us to go off to bed
He had toys to leave and nothing left for us to dread.
So I said to my wife just before I passed out,
“This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.
Tomorrow we’ll wake, and Jax won’t know a thing,
He have so many toys he’ll feel like a king
We did it! We did it! The house is all neat.
Santa had better remembered to wipe his damn feet!”
Finally off to dreamland the both of us dosed.
Until I heard Santa’s voice I supposed.
You’re house is all clean and the presents are there.
But you left me no cookies and your cupboards are bare!
Then I heard him exclaim as he flew from my sight…
Merry Christmas new parents, you’re doing all right!