They say a dog is man’s best friend. Not when you have a toddler and a newborn at home… that title belongs to coffee. And this morning coffee was needed to be more than a best friend. It needed to be lover… a confidant… a trusted advisor.
Who would have thought I found that at my son’s daycare. I appreciate the fact that Nicole, Nikki, and et al. know what parents go through in the morning. Thank you for putting a Keurig in the lobby for those of us who need to have their third cup of coffee before 8am.
Have you ever given a thought about what life was like for kids back 30 or so years ago? Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about how our views of life change as time goes bye and how expectations or certain belief systems evolve as we grow as a society. It’s crazy to me how when I was younger there we so little safety precautions and such a lack of foresight to see what could go wrong with some of the things we used to play with.
I know I’ve written about some of this before… like the fact that buckling my son into a car seat is more complicated than sending an astronaut into outer space, or how a cup of coffee has a warning label to make people aware that it’s hot.
I guess we’ve come a long way from playing with lawn darts… you know those 12 pound weapons that you literally threw directly into the air and would render anyone who was hit with it unconscious. You could take down an elephant with those. Or how about every kid’s favorite fire hazard… the wood burning kit. I knew I had to have this and apparently my parents saw nothing wrong with me using a poorly wired soldering gun to set paper thin wood on fire which was set up directly on the shag carpet. My mom gets mad if she sees me having one beer on Thanksgiving yet she allowed me to play a chemistry set that contained banned substances that kids in high school chemistry class can’t even use anymore.
Today there are bumper guards on top of bumper guards for the crib and bathtub. Kids have seat belts in grocery store shopping carts and there is a gate in every doorway. When I was five years old I convinced my brother to sit on a rock that I knew had a snake den underneath it. I literally used my three year old brother as snake bait. Today everyone in the family is CPR certified.
Have you seen the video if the toddler catching his baby brother from falling off his changing table? That would never happen when I was a kid. We were literally looking for ways to injure each other growing up. It was a rite of passage. It’s how you bonded. I guess times are different now. No dangerous toys and brothers becoming best friends by fighting for family supremacy, but over saving each other from smashing heads on the hardwood floor and preventing future CTE symptoms… Tomāto, Tomăto
This kid will never have to buy his brother s birthday present as long as they live: https://youtu.be/fHxodMNqgVs
Here’s a link to another blog about things we did as kids that were dangerous from s couple of years ago: https://chroniclesofanewdad.com/2014/11/09/15-things-we-did-as-kids-that-were-really-dangerous-article-review/
I think it was The Rock that once said, “Do you want to sleep in….??…. IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT YOU WANT!!!!”
When you have an eight month old your needs and wants are no longer ranked in the top 100 things of importance. You can’t keep up with this little man. Kid is taking business calls at 6AM.
Therefore, it is necessary to keep pounds of coffee on hand. So what happens when you wake up to this:
Hot chocolate and a random Dunkin decaf.
Well the fear and desperation and realization that you are going to have to face 6AM with a fully awake eight month old tends to get your brain working in overtime… And boy did it ever.
Let me introduce to you to the process that led me to the invention of the millennium:
STEP ONE: Freak the hell out when you realize there’s no coffee.
STEP TWO: Calm down… And think your situation through.
STEP THREE: Take inventory of your materials.
STEP FOUR: Use what you have and begin working!
STEP FIVE: Experiment.
STEP SIX: If at first you don’t succeed, try-try again.
STEP SEVEN: Give it another go.
STEP EIGHT: enjoy the fruits of your labor!
It’s breakfast time. For once, it’s actually quiet in the house and I’m able to enjoy just sitting and spending quality time with my son. It’s so much more enjoyable when he is actually eating his food and not redecorating my shirt or the couch with it. It’s been a pretty good night, but I’m not surprised that the coffee I’m drinking is unable to counteract the events of the week so far. (Note to self… try making coffee tomorrow morning with REDBULL instead of water).
Out of nowhere a flash of dark fur streaks across the family room… not that out of the ordinary for my Max, who already is just weird to the level of infinity x 3. But what happens next is what draws my concern. He begins to squat, but this time, he slowly turns his head and looks right at me… like literally… we lock eyes. Then it happens. He’s dropping a bomb on the floor and I think to myself, “I mean, he is literally staring at me and pooping on the floor.” It all happens in slow motion and when he’s finished I swear he smiled at me and laughed when he walked away.
Yet, nothing stops the little guy from enjoying his breakfast of champions. He ate the whole thing, and it didn’t result in me OR him having to change!
Today is going to be a good day, I can feel it.