Salad Bowl Bath


Growing up I used to have to walk 40 miles to school in the snow… uphill… both ways. I didn’t get special devises to sleep in, or rest on. You took a nap where ever you were put down. You sat in the back of the station wagon with no seat belt. There were no Brita Filter, you just drank out of the hose. 

So you know what… we’re keeping it old school here… we don’t need any special, or expensive bumper, rubbery, mesh bath seat for tubby time. I’m old school… Old school like bath in the sink and a salad bowl old school. 

Is There a Law Against… Showers?

I’m writing this blog with the hope for some validation… maybe even a little reassurance.  This may come as one of my more odd entries, but I think those parents out there may be able to connect (those of you who aren’t parents… continue reading because I promise this is something you will wonder about when you do become a parent).  It’s something I’ve been wondering about… not necessarily something I’ve thought about on a regular basis, but something that after tonight needs to be addressed…

Where does society stand on the “take a bath/shower with your kid” thing? I know this is a completely creepy question, I’m sure many people are going to wonder what the hell I am talking about and I’m confident that a lot of you KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!!!

Kid looks like Mugatu played (Will Ferrell) in #Zoolander

So bathtime around here for the little guy is a blast. Jax is all about bathtime. He is a nut about his tubby and some bubbles.  That’s not the issue.  I don’t have any problems with that.  But what happens when you have no time, no help and are just plain and simple exhausted and don’t want a huge production?

Shower? Why not… Quick and easy… Problem is you can’t put a one year old in the shower alone.  (I think it’s like a gremlin).   So that brings us to today. I hesitated… But in the end decided to get in the shower with Jax. Many things ran through my mind… What if he pees on me? What if he sees “it”? Are there laws against this sort of stuff? Creepy I know… But there even came a point where I thought maybe we should both be in a bathing suit (see above clip from Big Daddy).

So either way the deed is done and I’m still not sure where I stand on the whole issue.  Thoughts?

PS: I want to give a little backround on my thoughts about baths in general. I don’t know a lot of guys, or people for that matter, who still take baths. I mean, here’s the thing, if you get past the fact that baths are completely gross (IE: you sit there in your own filth) baths actually don’t seem too bad; however, I would tend to think most would say it’s just kinda gross to sit there in the dirt that you are actually trying to wash off yourself.

Now, I know there are the people who shell out way to much money to have a bathtub with “whirlpool” capabilities… but those “hoity-toity” types (See: Stephanie) realistically are just dropping a bar of soap in a hottub and calling it a bath. 

The other thing that drives me absolutely nuts about a bath is the fact that I can get in a shower with the water running at 895 degrees and love it… but no matter what I do to the water in the tub it’s always too hot. There is nothing I can do other than run the water and wait for it to cool down. The problem is in a tub the water goes from boil an egg hot to shrivle your man parts cold in 3.2 seconds. There is no way to calculate the exact tempature to time ratio that allows you to enjoy the whole reason you would take a bath in the first place… relaxation.  

If I am going to take a bath and sit in my own disguistingness then I don’t want to have to do any work… having to constantly turn on the hot water, then cold water, then hot again… well that just negates my wish to not have to do any manual labor.  

I’ll stick to showers… By myself… Maybe!

if you’re going to take a bath… own it. The Hugh Hefner robe is a must!

This blog entry has been featured on Honustmum.com as a Brilliant Blog Post.

This blog entry has been featured on Honustmum.com as a Brilliant Blog Post.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

You know things are bad when Buster brings you a chewed up spoon and he wasn’t even the one who did it

There are so many things that can wrong on a daily basis.  We’ve all seen them, hell we’ve all had them happen to us.  I know everyone reading this has slept through the alarm, backed into the garage door or said something you shouldn’t have when you thought you hung up the phone.

That’s life.  We were put on this earth to screw up and laugh at each other when we do.  However, what happens when you start screwing things up and it starts a chain of events likely to end in disaster?  I can’t tell you that it ain’t pretty because I lived through that tonight.

A simple attempt at face-timing while preparing two dinners, entertaining an 11 month old and remembering to feed to hungry dogs can turn any organized dad into a panicking lunatic. Even after putting in countless hours of supervision and surviving what at the time seemed like traumatic events never prepares you for a series of unfortunate events (great book series by the way).

After face timing former guest blogger Uncle Mike things got scary.  We had been off the phone for two minutes and things already began falling apart.  I left my dinner in the oven a little too long and it started smoking which caused the fire alarms to go off.   Jackson then proceeded to per all over me as I held him naked over his tubby that was overfilling and spilling everywhere.  This then resulted in  Buster and Max running in circles barking at the fire alarm and the crying baby!

Any normal human loses their mind at this point… like you’re done, you’ve checked out and gone to your happy place.  Not here though… not at Chromicles of a New Dad… here we laugh in the face of danger and run circles around the competition.  We don’t rest on our laurels (remember I’ve been called an internet blogging sensation as well as the song bird of my generation… Ok so I made those up… It’s my blog I can say what I want!).

The trick to solving all this… take a deep breath, and tackle one situation at a time, or just sit on the bathroom floor while the little guy is in the tubby taking a bath and pray that your wife gets home soon.

I’ll leave it up to you to decide what option I chose.

Bath, Book, Bed

BATH: First bath in his big boy tubby! He did great… And didn’t even pee on anything.

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BOOK: As a dad and former first grade teacher, there’s nothing better than listening to an amazing mom read The Very Hungry Caterpillar to you son. Literally I know this book by heart… He was so engaged in this book, I’m going to have to go get done more Eric Carle books. Great job reading with expression mom!!!

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BED: Why are their snaps on PJs? It’s 3:45 AM I’m lucky my feet are able to shuffle into the nursery. Off snapping = easy… Like old school Adidas wind pants. On snapping = Impossible… like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.

 

Finally… all bathed… booked… and now in bed!

 

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Successful daddy night! #Dinner #Bath #Binky #Bed

 

 

 

6.22.14. – Call in the Reinforcements

When all else fails, call over the neighbors to give your son a bath and pat his butt until he passes out.

Gotta love em… They come in with little fanfare and just get the job done. Then they’re out Seal Team 6 style. Suggestion for all you new and future parents who also have no idea what the hell you’re doing… Have these phone numbers on speed dial:

1. Pediatrics office (basically for us dads BC its highly unlikely we even know the name of the PEDs practice we use).
2. Trusted Adults: (To ask things like, can a 2 month old eat dry Cheerios? Or is it bad if I left him under the deck while I was painting and it dripped all over him?)
3. Your Parents: (Chances are they screwed up just as much as you do, but they just haven’t admitted it yet!)
4. Neighbors Who Will do Anything for you If you Give them a Glass of Wine: (Self Explanatory/ See Above).