Stages of a Snow Day for a New Parent

Stage 1: Denial

If you are a teacher, principal or anything relating to school, when you hear the forecast predict snow you immediately turn in to an eight year old!  Cautious pessimism exudes from your body!  You’re eyes are literally pasted to the TV… you flip from channel  61 to 3 to 4 to see if all the meteorologists are saying the same thing!  However, you know that there’s no way you’ll have off… maybe a delay you try to convince yourself… if you’re lucky.  You begin your snow dance superstition routine.  I have teacher friends who flush ice cubes down the toilet, put a white crayon in the freezer and wear their PJs inside out and backwards.  But in the back of your head, you know you’ll be up early writing lesson plans.

Stage 2: Excitement

Snow cancelations begin to show up on the news.  The first few flakes start to fall… It’s going to happen.  The first few moments are amazing; your mind is going 1000 miles per hour as you begin to think about all the great things you can get done around the house and how amazing it will be to spend the whole day with your nine month old son!  Wife and husband are high fiving each other with excitement for the great day ahead!

Stage 3: The Calm Before the Storm (no pun intended)

The baby is quietly entertaining himself on his play mat with a few of his favorite QUIET toys.  The dogs are sitting nicely at his side keeping an eye on things.  Husband and wife are sitting next to each other drinking a cup of coffee and enjoying each other’s company. You’ve now watched seven episodes of Peppa Pig.  There is not a chance you are going to be able to get to everything you wanted to today because the little one is crazy fussy this AM, but that is OK… because you have the day off.  Take it slow today you tell yourself… you’ll still get a lot done.

Stage 4: Stress

Things are getting a bit hairy.  Mom and dad walk by each other and shoot dirty looks back and forth, baby is screaming and the dogs have pooped in the house numerous times because they refuse to go outside in the storm.  You are now inventing chores to do around the house and handing the baby off like a QB to a running back in half hour shifts.  There has to be some more toys that haven’t been opened and played with yet from Christmas.

Stage 5: Anger

Baby is teething… the crying, runny nose, rosy cheeks and constant sneezing are causing both parents to lose their mind!  Mom is sitting on the rocking chair rocking herself back and forth with her eye mask over her bloodshot eyes.  Dad is outside snow blowing the neighbors driveways in order to stay out of the house for a few minutes more.  The dogs are lost in the snow track that dad cleared in the front yard and there’s a chance they would rather build and live in an igloo out there than go back into the house of horrors!

Stage 6:  Acceptance

You’ve come to the realization that even though you love your family more than your life itself, that it is OK to take a break from them every once and a while.  The small things become big things when you are trapped in the house like in “The Day After Tomorrow.”  You are comfortable knowing that it’s been a long two weeks with multiple snow days.  Everyone takes a deep breath and begins to reassemble in the family room.

Stage 7: Relief

Everyone is back to normal… its bedtime.  Baby is feeling a bit better after his bath and mom and dad are no longer attempting to trip each other in the hallway.  The icicles have melted from the dogs beards and everyone is sitting down in the nursery listening to a story.  Hugs and kisses all around… that is until you hear it’s going to snow again on Thursday!

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Nine Months

Can you get a better 9 month “birthday” than a snow day?  Not in this house you can’t!  I CAN NOT believe that this little monster is nine months old already!  He’s been outside of mommy’s belly longer then he was inside it!  Every single bit of the last nine months have been amazing… scary, funny, exhausting and stressful amazing though!

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

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We spent the day together as a family.  There were naps, there was crying and lots of eating… and Jax did some of that too.  The Blizzard of 2015 never really materialized, although we did get about 15″ of snow, it was no where near the 30″ that was predicted.  Which is disappointing because I was looking forward to having to tunnel our way out and pull Jax through said tunnels on his little toboggan all day to get to freedom like we were in a labyrinth or something. Either way, it was fun.

Jax did what any boy should do on his birthday… he slept.  Went down at 4PM for a little nap… and woke up at 6AM.  What a life!

(No height and weight yet, because his nine month appointment was canceled due to the snow.  Monday we will get that updated!)

What the Hell is Figgy Pudding?!!

I guess seven and a half months isn’t old enough to get the whole Christmas thing… but you have to start somewhere right?  So I started thinking about the holiday itself, not the religious meaning or where Christmas actually began, but just the perspective of a baby who is still trying to figure out the world around him.

I can literally see his little brain working… his inner thoughts are asking: “Dad, why the hell did you plant a tree inside the house?”  “Hey guys, did you know that you left some colored nightlights on outside?”  “Mom, you know how your always complaining that the dryer eats all the socks… well I think I found the ones you’re looking for.  They’re hanging up on the fireplace!”

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You spend every waking minute talking to your baby.  Teaching them about life, about nature and about how things work.  Then all of a sudden, Christmas comes… things are turned upside down, people change… How do you explain this to someone who still puts anything in front of them in their mouth?  Where do you begin?  What do you say that can spell out what is going on in their own home?  The thing is… I don’t think you can… I am going to go under the assumption that the first few Christmases are about the moms and the dads and especially about the grandmas and the grandpas (sounds like a 1970s band).

I am confident that Jax is loving all the extra things lying around the house that are (to him) edible… I know over the past few years the dogs sure have enjoyed eating hundreds of decorations and ornaments.  Jackson is going to have to just deal with the fact that a big fat (healthy fat we like to say) is able to break into our house and walk around freely with no consequences.  “No Jax the alarm does not work on Santa.”  “No Jax Santa will not burn his buttcrack on the fire.”  No Jackson, Santa will not be happy if you leave him a dirty diaper.”

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400 words later and I haven’t even introduced Jax to the Abominable Snowman, Hermey, Buddy the Elf, or the Wet Bandits… or the fact that we dress up Buster and Max for XMAS too.  This is going to be a long Christmas break….

We’re Moving

That’s it we’re moving to Wisconsin. I’ve always said Wisconsin has some of the greatest gifts the world has to offer… cheese and the Green Bay Packers. I mean I am a Packers Team Owner… But with the technology of today I don’t have to hover over my franchise. I take part in conference calls with Mike and Ted VIA Skype, so I never needed to live in close proximity. Until I saw this…

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And now… After seeing this… I’m moving the family there. NOW. We’ll send for our stuff. The Abominable Snowman, The Bumble himself just out for a stroll on a Wisconsin sidewalk and no one cares. It’s just normal Wisconsin. Gotta go pick up my kids from school or grab some cranberry juice from the store… But first let me grab a quick selfie w Bumble.

Over here on the East Coast there’s no way he survives more than 30 minutes without getting beat up or arrested. People would not care for a giant snow monster roaming their neighborhood… “The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.” Over here no way this plays out well for Frosty.

This video is so Wisconsin it hurts. Everybody seems so friendly, so cold and so happy. I could deal without the cold… But it just seems like a happy-go-lucky place to raise a kid.

Someone call U-Haul.