Lately I’ve been noticing a lot of families with three-plus kids. They catch my eye mostly because I wonder if the parents are secretly a witch or wizard, or a real-life saint. I just don’t get how any set of parents and even more so any single parent hasn’t dropped their children off on someone doorstep with a note from Albus Dumbledore wishing them luck.
I don’t consider myself a perfect parent, nor do I consider either of my children difficult for the most part, but I’d like to think I’m more than capable of handling and raising two tiny humans. Yet, for some reason, having two kids feels like having 18. I honestly feel like there are more kids living here that I don’t know about… just sneak in at night and make messes, dirty more clothes, eat everything in the fridge, take out toys that I didn’t even know we own and pee everywhere (actually that is probably just the dogs). Everywhere I turn I’m stepping on a legit or magnetic letter. I’m either yanking a toy truck from the jaws of a dog or chasing one of them down because they already swallowed a pacifier. If I’m not peeling the skin off of a hotdog, I’m scraping the burnt part of the cheese off of a slice of pizza.
I can’t remember the last time I sat on the couch with the remote in my hand and got to watch something other than Paw Patrol Saves a School Bus or Peppa Pig Goes on Vacation. SportsCenter? What’s that? HBO? Huh? I guess the “time” thing is less of an issue when I think about it. I’m ok with not having alone time. But it’s the constant tornado of baby puke, crying and inanimate object being launched into orbit that continues to put me in the state of disarray.
I just can’t imagine how people can work, workout and have a social life let alone do all that with kids. How in the world did my parents do that with three kids. How the hell did my mom raise three kids and nanny two more at the same time. That’s inhuman. That’s insane. That’s supernatural. There has to be some sort of X-MAN type powers for anyone who can survive with more than one kid.
Just tryin’ cruise through parenthood like: