Everyone says you never truly know love until you have a child. You hear that you can’t understand that until you see your child for the first time… When you hold him in your arms for the first time. I’m not so sure about that.
For me love, I think, grows and changes every day. Love is something that is made to be constantly made and remade. The love you have for someone one day is changed every time you interact with that person, for good and for bad. Love is not a constant. Love is something that grows not only as you learn about the other person, but also it grows as you learn about yourself.
I’m pretty sure that is exactly what having a kid is all about… Learning about each other… (Learning how much crap you can clean and how little sleep you can function on, but learning non-the-less).
I’ve changed so much in two years. Two years out of 36 seems like a small fraction of time… But the profound effect that my son has had on me in two years makes it feel like I’m a completely different person than I was even two short years ago.
I guess that’s exactly what I’m trying to say. My son has made me a better person. He has given me reason to live, he has made me want to be a better person. There are not many people in someone’s life who can make you feel that way. When you have someone like that it is impossible to not want to tell them. It’s impossible to not want more.
That’s how love changes you. You are never ok with just being ok. When you feel true love it changes you. It makes you want more, it makes you want to change for the better, because you want to show that person the same love that they make you feel.
Jackson, I’m not sure how I can ever show you how important you are to me. I know I’ll never be able to show you how much you have changed me. But I do know that I’ll spend the rest of my life doing the best I can to show you how much I love you.
So on this day… Two years from the day I held you for the first time… I want you to know that I love you more now than I did then… And I’ll love you more tomorrow than I do today.
Happy birthday Jackson.