Back to the Future: The Future is Now

We waited and waited to have a child, because to us… mom and I… we wanted to make sure we were close enough to 2015 for the little guy to grow up.  “Why,” you might ask? Uhh… have you seen Back to the Future II. About 25 years ago, Back to the Future II made some bold predictions about what life would look like in 2015. We were promised so many amazing things by Marty and Doc Brown, things that we are still waiting for. Sadly, we still need roads and I have to still tie my own shoes.

This issue has caused consumer confusion, advertising and production inconsistencies, massive increase in demand, but more importantly a backlog on supply. This is a major problem. I need to ensure that Jackson has the best of the best and the best of the best is what was promised to me in Back to the Future.

Here is a list of things that I need to have by October 21, 2015…

Nike Self Tying Shoes: The last pair of sneakers I got excited for was the Original Jordans. When I saw those advertised I was like six and already a full out sneakerhead; however, I wasn’t allowed to have a pair sneakers that cost more than my parents’ car. Anybody who is anybody will tell you that these are almost as important as the first Jordans or the original Reebok Pumps (which I did get for Christmas one year! Thanks Santa!) But in today’s society they are more important than just a collector’s item. The key word here is TIME! I don’t have time to teach Jax to tie his shoes, there is to much other important information that I need to teach him. These shoes will allow me to spend those precious developmental years teaching Jax why the Bears and Red Sox are horrible, why Buster and Max can poop on the floor but he can’t and where he can find the best slice of Pizza. Get on it Nike… get us those Nike Air MAGs with Power Laces.

Self Drying Jacket: This is necessity for parent survival, maybe even for Jax survival. Every time I change Jax there is always a three second lapse of concentration on my part where he winds up peeing on himself.  Inevitably, he always winds up soaking his onsie. I can’t keep going through 14 outfits for every one diaper change… I’m starting to lose my sanity!

Flying Cars: Need one now… Need one right now! Between dropping Jax off at Grammys and traffic, I’m a nightmare in the car. Traffic these days is worse than working a full day itself. You almost are praying to get in to your job so that you don’t have someone putting on mascara tailing you the entire ride, or have to deal with the dude who is driving 30MPH under the speed limit. Only limitation here is that I am alone allowed to own a flying car… because if how these idiots drive now while on four wheels is any indication of how they would drive in the air… we’d all be screwed.

Hoverboard: When you were a child you know you were completely jealous of the kid who was pimping around town on a new Diamondback BMX bike or a razor scooter. How can I expect Jax to garner any type of respect from the neighborhood kids if he is still riding a skateboard? I want Jax to have the best so it’s Hoverboard or Bust.

The future is now. We’re living in the future… Hey Doc, bring me what you promised… you have until October to deliver.