When all else fails, call over the neighbors to give your son a bath and pat his butt until he passes out.

Gotta love em… They come in with little fanfare and just get the job done. Then they’re out Seal Team 6 style. Suggestion for all you new and future parents who also have no idea what the hell you’re doing… Have these phone numbers on speed dial:

1. Pediatrics office (basically for us dads BC its highly unlikely we even know the name of the PEDs practice we use).
2. Trusted Adults: (To ask things like, can a 2 month old eat dry Cheerios? Or is it bad if I left him under the deck while I was painting and it dripped all over him?)
3. Your Parents: (Chances are they screwed up just as much as you do, but they just haven’t admitted it yet!)
4. Neighbors Who Will do Anything for you If you Give them a Glass of Wine: (Self Explanatory/ See Above).