Two Rooms, One Very Quiet Hallway

Five years ago, my wife and I carried bunk bed pieces down the hallway and into Jackson’s room, assembling what felt like the physical symbol of brotherhood. Two small boys. One room. One nightly routine. One parent wedged awkwardly between a wall and a ladder reading just one more book.

That first night they slept together in their bunks felt monumental. I even wrote about it at the time because that’s what dads like me do when they realize a moment matters—try to freeze it in words before it slips away.

Fast forward to now.

For the past couple of months, both boys have been asking to “set up their own rooms.” Not demanding. Not dramatic. Just casually, the way kids do when they’ve already moved on emotionally and are waiting for you to catch up.

So today we did it.

We rebuilt the bunks in Oliver’s room. Jackson’s room got a solo bed—no ladder, no top bunk negotiations, no whispered conversations that definitely weren’t happening five minutes after lights out.

Tonight is the first night they’re sleeping separately.

(Unless you count the occasional 3 a.m. migration into mom and dad’s room or a friend’s sleepover—but let’s not ruin the narrative.)

I knew this day would come. I just didn’t realize how much I’d miss the old routine until it was gone.

There was something special about bedtime in that shared room. Reading a book while one boy asked questions and the other slowly drifted off. Turning the lights down and listening to them talk to each other—about nothing and everything—until their voices faded into sleep. Sitting there longer than necessary because once they were asleep, the day officially ended.

Now there are two rooms. Two goodnight hugs. Two light switches. And somehow… less noise.

I’m proud of them. Truly. This is growth. Independence. Confidence. All the things we’re supposed to want for our kids.

But tonight, standing in the hallway after tucking them in, I felt it—that quiet reminder that childhood doesn’t ask permission before it changes. One day you’re climbing down from a top bunk, and the next you’re realizing you’ve done it for the last time.

I hope they always remember what it felt like to share a room. To fall asleep knowing their brother was right there. To learn—early—that even when life eventually gives you your own space, you don’t have to do everything alone.

Because rooms change. Beds move. Eras quietly end.

But brothers?
That’s the part I hope never does.

PS: The fight for where Wednesday sleeps from now on has begun. Chalk up a night one win to big brother.

Terrible Twos

I’ve been in education and studying child development and child psychology most of my life. I’ve seen the struggle, I know the struggle, I live the struggle. The struggle is real. Picking and choosing the battles to fight with your child is hard. Being able to systematically identify and follow through with which battles to chose and ultimately fight with your child is a challenge, but being consistent with those decisions is darn near impossible. 

Jax is at that age where he has figured out exactly what buttons to press to get us worked up. He knows the basics of right and wrong, don’t go near the fireplace (it’s “ha” as he says), we put out plate and cup in the sink after dinner- we don’t throw them against the wall, and as our favorite bedtime book so eloquently says, “tails are not for pulling.”  But what about the little things? You know the small stuff you’re not supposed to sweat? The battles that sometimes have to be avoided, but other times just can’t be ignored? I work with teachers on developing the skill of “active ignoring.” If a child is displaying attention seeking behaviors, then giving him the attention, even in a negative way, reinforces the negative behavior by giving the child what they want even if they achieve it in a negative way… (IE positive reinforcement is not always a good thing). In operant conditioning, positive reinforcement is the addition of a reinforcing stimulus following a behavior that makes it more likely that the behavior will occur again in the future.

But how, as a parent of a two and a half year old do I pick and chose what behaviors to ignore and which to address. For example, when a child misbehaves in a store, some parents might give them extra attention or even buy the child a toy. Children quickly learn that by acting out, they can gain attention from the parent or even acquire objects that they want.

So where does that apply and when is it impossible to carry out? I carry with me an extensive background of developing plans for students who need academic and or behavioral interventions. I know how to address these issues and work tirelessly to support teachers to promote student success in this area… and then I’m home… in sweatpants and getting ready to settle down and relax… read Jackson a book and head to bed…. and then it starts.

A tantrum that could make even a Kardashian who doesn’t get enough likes on Instagram jealous… it starts slow, but builds fast. An extended lower lip, squinted eyes and flailing hands and feet. Shrieking fills the air at ear popping decibels. I often find myself quietly whispering, “go ahead… flip out… you think this is my first rodeo?” I can’t even count how many times I have been able to actively ignore a tantrum or demands and then calmly be able to talk about what happened and discuss with the child the most effective way to “get what they want,” and tantruming is not that way. 

It’s easy, until it’s your own child… immediate breakdown of the rational decision making part of the brain. You try to keep calm. You actively ignore. You give reminders of the expected behaviors… You automatically go into self-preservation mode. Tantrums are the hurricanes of parenting. You can prepare all you want… cover up the windows, nail down the patio furniture, but no matter how ready you are about two minutes in you realize you are totally screwed.  

This tantrum phase is scary… he gets this look in his eyes that tells me he is surveying the landscape for something to destroy. Yes I ignore and retract and follow through with what I say. But then again, there are times where I’m just ready for the hurricane to end… I guess active ignoring only goes so far.  

My Son is a Parseltongue

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So I have been so hesitant to write anything about what’s been bothering me lately.  Like really bothering me.  I know I pretty much write about anything and everything on here because that’s what this blog is about… The real stuff… The good, the bad and the ugly… Clint Eastwood style.   But I also want to make sure that later in life Jax doesn’t have a complex… (Or at least too much of a complex).

But I’m starting to worry.  So this blog entry is less about me telling a story and more about me being able to get something off my chest.  Something that is worrying me.

I’m pretty sure everyone knows I’m an educator.  I’ve been a teacher and administrator for 15 years now.  Maybe I have some sort of hypochondria or a super heightened sense of attention to detail when it comes to child development, but I feel like I’m starting to stress out.

So he’s almost 17 months old… He’s done a lot over the past year and a half.  He’s hitting milestones left and right… But he’s still not taking. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m the first to defend the… “Everyone develops at their own pace” philosophy.  But when it’s my own kid it’s stressful. Don’t forget… This is the type of literature I read on a daily basis:

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Try reading that as a parent and not losing your mind.  Try reading and article that says by 15 months your child should be able to order Lo Mein in Chinese and be able to use chopsticks to eat it. I’m struggling to balance my professional career as someone who diagnosis students’ reading problems and has to decide if a students behavior issues are developmental, environmental or learned… I’m struggling to balance that with my professional career as a dad who worries about everything.

I mean, we do have the basic “mama” and “dada”… and for whatever weird reason there’s also “nene” (bottle).  But other than that he has the language skills of Animal from the Muppet Babies.

We talk to him (I mean… I could talk for hours… its my favorite pasttime).  Grammy, literally gives him literacy and vocabulary lessons all day… half of his toys talk to him… and we read to him every night.  And all we get in return is something that sounds like Parseltongue.  I mean, maybe I’m looking into this to deeply… but he sure fits the bill of a Parselmouth

“Parseltongue is, when spoken, a hissing sound, similar to that of a snake; as such, normal people cannot understand it (one known exception being Dumbledore). Apart from merely communicating with serpentine lifeforms, Parselmouths also seem able to influence the will of serpents to a certain extent. Aside from serpent-based creatures, Parselmouths can communicate with each other with the language, as Harry understood Tom Riddle’s commands to the Basilisk and the House of Gauntcommunicate with each other almost exclusively in Parseltongue. While inherited, Parseltongue usually requires the speaker to face a snake-based creature or object shaped like a snake (e.g. a carving); more proficient speakers may be able to speak it at will.” -HarryPotter Wiki

So maybe I should be less worried about the fact that he isn’t really talking or more worried that my son may be a Dark Wizard?