I guess, the Halloween spirit has turned my children I tom harden criminals. I’m now raising two of America’s Most Wanted, apparently they have kidnapped our neighbor’s pumpkin and are demanding ransom.
Watch out Halloween decorations… because just as the poet Tupac Shakur once said… “You done put two of America’s most wanted
In the same stinkin‘ place at the same stinkin‘ time“
Phrase you don’t want to ever hear coming from the basement: “Dad were going to turn this into a bounce house!!!”
Setting: Jax’ room; 8:00pm
Jax: “Dad a monster might come in the room and eat you up.”
Me: “There aren’t any monsters in here bud.”
Jax: “Yes there are, they like to eat daddys and cell phones.”
Me: “I promise there aren’t any monsters in here bud.”
Jax: “It’s ok dad, Buster is in here. He eats monsters. He jumps off the bed and chases them out and then eats them up. He’s my best friend.”
Apparently I need an alternate universe to raise my son in… no I’m talking about the “Upside Down” from Stranger Things… and not an one that was altered by Doc Brown and Marty McFly after interfering with the Space/Time Continuum… I’m talking about one that doesn’t have nuts. You see, this week we learned that Oliver is allergic to nuts. It finally happened, dad’s injury prone ways and mom’s terrible immune system have cost our kid one of life’s greatest pleasures… almonds!
We lucked out… there is (as of now) not an issue with anything other than almonds, but still… with that comes all the fears of any other nut allergy… Epi-Pens, anaphylactic shock… and the dreaded nut free table at daycare. He was a healthy baby. He ate everything, and neither the wife nor I have severe food allergies. But a few seconds after taking a drink of almond milk (yes, we gave him almond milk… we ran out of whole milk and it’s all we had) he blew up like Veruca Salt in the Wonka Chocolate Factory. 
It wasn’t a pretty sight… seeing your kid in a hospital bed having to be given an injection of epinephrine at such a young age is a scary thing. Granted that steroid took effect really fast and he was running laps around the hospital room at Olympic track team speed.
So for now, we’re those parents… we carry an EpiPen with us at all times, infirm wait staff that he has a nut allergy and most importantly always make sure we have REGULAR milk at the house.
Sorry Sons: Chronicles of a New Dad 